Rich O's Ravings

"We" The People

2011-11-16T20:03:00.003-05:00

It's the little things in life that annoy me. Take for instance a really, really small word; "we"! It's misused and butchered in so many ways. For example in referring to your local sports franchise as "we". Like "we should have won that game". Right, if only the coach had called your number! Or when you see your doctor and he asks "so, how are we doing today"? Well doc while I can't speak for "we", "I" have a rash on "my" ass, wanna see it? But the most annoying, pretentious use is when someone uses "we" (by definition referring to more then one person) in the singular and referring to someone else, not themselves. For example a mother and daughter go to buy shoes and the mother tells the salesperson "we'd like to try on some shoes". Um, OK, can you be anymore opaque? Be "we" you mean both of you, right? Or do you mean just you? Or just her? Honestly, how stupid a use of a word is this? Well it's completely incorrect use of the word for sure. And yet it's used over, and over and over

So, why is it misused? Are people stupid? Maybe. I think typically it's misused by control freak wannabe alphas who think they are so important they need to speak for all around them henceforth he or she speaks for "we". Could you be a little more self important? I can sniff these dill holes a mile away and like to mess around with them ('cause that's what "we", meaning "me" like to do). At my job (if you don't know already I'm in the wonderful world of retail) I'll have group walk in and when I ask if I can help them I get a "we'd like to try on some skates". Now I KNOW they mean for a single member of their party who is not him or herself but hey I'm a prick so I'll say "sure, why don't we start with you" to wit I almost always get a "no, no, for my son/daughter/wife/husband/friend" and I'll say "Oh, when you said we...." with a dazed look on my face. Sure it's petty and juvenile but it' the little things that help me get though the day. Besides, I'm so freakin smooth they have no clue and by the time I dazzle them they think they've made a new best friend!!

Anyhoooo. Is there a reason for this rant? No. Just something I get annoyed with so I thought I'd share it with you. But please people, "we" is the first person plural (meaning more then one) personal pronoun (try saying that 5 times fast) and should be used as such. The described usage above is known as the patronizing "we" and a more descriptive term could not be found!

Money For Nothing And Your Chicks For Free

2011-09-29T09:40:00.004-05:00

I had a young guy who worked with me recently who was (and is) an awesome guy, hard worker, and all around solid human being. He had a major disconnect when it came to money however. All he would do all day was bitch and complain about how much more everyone he knew was making. "This guy owned 3 cars". "This guy bought a summer house". "This guy had "bank"". He wanted to know when he was going to get his!! The honest truth is probably never. Of the people he spoke about 2 had worked their tails off starting their own successful small businesses where they put up to 100 hours a week of work in and the other had an educational pedigree that gave him an edge in his chosen field. But he didn't get it. He thought a blue bolt was going to come out of the sky and give him a six-figure job where he basically didn't have to do anything. Sorry Charlie, doesn't work that way. The simple truth is most people who make a lot of money have worked their asses off to make it. Period

In popular culture...no, make that throughout history, those with money have been perceived as villainous, undeserving, or otherwise unsavory. I don't get this. Yes, there are those that were born to money or because of who they are landed a cushy, high paying job they didn't earn. But they are the exception, not the rule and in most cases someone along the way busted their ass to make life comfortable for their progeny. No, most aren't born with the proverbial silver spoon up their ass. Most people who "have money" in some way, sort or fashion have EARNED that money. Now, whether you consider how they "earned" that money to be legit or not is a different story

So, yes, you might feel that a highly paid athlete or actor get's paid because of their god given talent or looks and, like the song goes, get their money for nothing and their chicks for free. I don't think it's true. Maybe they get paid disproportionate to what they do but they have to work their asses off at what they do. AND like with any job they are paid by those they work for based on how much money they earn for them. But regardless of what you think of what someone does for a living most people aren't simply handed money for doing nothing

At the end of the day everyone works for someone or works for themselves (Captain Obvious). If they work for someone else then that entity, at some point, was the result of one persons blood, sweat and tears which has evolved into something bigger. Big companies don't become big companies by osmosis. These companies need workers at every level to run and the amount they are compensated are almost always in direct proportion to their importance to the bottom line. If you work for yourself then you are 100% percent responsible for your own success whether your job is blue collar, white collar or any collar you choose. Sometimes it's luck but it's usually hard work that is the difference between success and failure (well, in these economic times maybe not but you get my drift). Risk and reward is exactly as it sounds and for those not willing to take a risk our reward is working for someone else and bitching about how little we make

So while certain people may have a certain advantage in the job market based on education, upbringing, socioeconomic class, god given intelligence or talent, most people have to work their asses off to make how much or how little they make. Very few people have it handed to them (OK, the cast of Jersey Shore is an exception). If you think you deserve a bigger piece of the pie then go out there and grab it. To quote the British S.A.S. "Who Dares Wins". Rather then pissing and moaning about what others make or have and what you don't get out there and make your own fortune. It may work out, it may not but unless you walk in the shoes of those you're envious of you don't know what it took them to get there

Popular Myth-conceptions 2

2011-09-20T20:50:00.006-05:00

You hear some shit so much, so often you start to believe it's true. People repeat the same old crap so often you start to wonder if they are trying to convince themselves it's true. Today I am attacking the most popular current myth- there are no jobs out there! Tell me you don't hear this at least a gazillion times a week. I have friends, relatives and acquaintances out of work. Some are looking, some have been looking unsuccessfully and some have just given up. Here's the deal; there ARE jobs out there!! Now maybe not good jobs, maybe not what you want to do, maybe not careers but there ARE jobs out there!!

As I drove around today 6 out of 6 establishments I entered had help wanted signs. Seriously. Now, all were retail or service jobs but jobs nonetheless. So, we need to clarify when we say there is no work out there. I've had the same job for over 20 years and while it may not be a "career" by some peoples definition, it's an honest days pay for an honest days work and, generally speaking, I like what I do . So, all that said, I struggle understanding not working. I know there is a method to the madness for those laid off from a particular field, used to a certain pay level or position. I get it...actually no I don't but I pretend I do. I know there is some kind of algorithm that tells us that not working and collecting is more advantageous then working at a lower wage. However what this doesn't take in to account is the mental anguish, low self-esteem, and general doldrums that come from being out of work for long periods of time

So, yes, there are jobs out there. Maybe not what you're looking for but there are jobs. The question you have to ask, despite everything everyone tells you, is at what point do you stop listening and start working. Take away the pay, benefits, 401k, etc and what is work? Well it's a sense of purpose, a sense of accomplishment, and a structure to our day. I've seen too many people out of work for too long fall into a funk that's almost impossible to get out of. So, when is it time to give up on "I can't take a job for less then this" and start doing something, anything? I can't say, it's different for everyone. Just don't tell me there are no jobs out there, ok??

Never Seems to Be Enough Time To Do The Things You Want To Do

2011-08-18T10:11:00.004-05:00

Work and life have been a bit hectic of late so I'm way behind on blogging and pretty much all electronic social media (and no, I don't blog at work but it's just been exhausting and sapping the will out of me) . It happens. Vacation is thankfully just around the corner. I have so much to rant about it's boiling over. The Benjamin Brady pics, the new bike sharing program, why some people say Peking (rhymes with speaking) ravioli while others say Peking (rhymes with baking) ravioli and other important issues. I'll find time soon, I promise. I have new found respect for others that blog constantly while holding down a regular 40 plus hour job. I don't know how you do it.

Til next time, stay thirsty my friends!

Rich O

Reality Check

2011-07-21T13:53:00.004-05:00

Quick thought for a hot day

We are all self-absorbed. We are. I am, you are, we all are. Don't deny it. I'm not saying it's a bad thing only that it is true. And we should be. You really need to have your own shit in order to be any good to anyone else. We all suffer our own personal set backs, dramas and mini-crisis's. And these can become all encompassing. Again, this is not unusual. No matter how we try it's hard not to put ourselves first whether we mean to or not. Often times what seemed like the end of the world to us yesterday we laugh about tomorrow and what is a huge issue to us seems laughably unimportant to everyone else. The good news is that in life we get many reality checks to put it all in perspective. You usually don't have to go any further then home, friends or work for these reality checks but sometimes it's something the whole world is familiar with but you just need to be reminded of to get your head out of your ass

A couple of weeks ago I was all out of sorts about...something. I don't recall to be honest and that kind of tells you how unimportant it was. I was cruising the national headlines on my Yahoo page and came across a story about Elizabeth Smart taking a job as a reporter for ABC focusing on missing persons. 2 nights later there was an amazing interview with Jaycee Dugard and where she is in life after the most trying of ordeals. Now, if you're not familiar with the stories of these young women get you head out of the sand and read up. I won't get into all the details but rest assured what both went through I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. The courage, strength, and faith of these two young ladies is hard to comprehend. I instantly felt like a douche for feeling bad for myself for what essentially boiled down to nothing important

I will continue to be self-absorbed and overreact to every little thing in my life. So will you. But when you do think of Elizabeth and Jaycee. Think of that kid going through chemo or your friend who just lost a parent. Or a child. Think of all those people who have it worse then you. There are plenty of them.

Reality? Check!!

(red) White (& blue) Wedding

2011-07-07T16:28:00.008-05:00

I'm at that point in my life. You know when things went from weddings and funerals to just funerals. Nearly all my friends are married or have been married and if they get married again (or for the 3rd time) they are not likely to have a big wedding. Most of my 1st cousins are married or not likely to get married at this point (with maybe 1 exception). My nieces and nephews are kids so no worries there. Do I miss it? It's hard to say. I've had so many good times at weddings but recently, as the single guy, I feel more like an outsider then anything. Plus it's hard to be the "fun group" when you're in your 40's (tho we do try). There was one wedding I had been looking forward to however and it didn't disappoint. Let me first state that I will not name names etc as it is not my place. Secondly as the story progresses please don't throw my last blog in my face. I assure you the wedding was at a beach but I did not go TO the beach

Anyway a friend, a girl I've know since she was a little girl, got engaged and I found out myself, 2 of my sisters, and 2 of my good friends were all invited. On top of that my family and hers are very much intertwined between school, kids, work etc. All in all very exciting. Then I learned it was to be held 4th of July weekend. Interesting. I certainly had no plans and none that could compare to this wedding. Then I found out it would be held in York Beach, ME a very popular vacation spot. Now I had something to dwell on as I'm not a beach guy and I'm not a big tourist spot guy. But, hey, it's a wedding and maybe, being 4th of July, we can even recapture some of the magic of the old long weekends on Cape Cod.

Now, if you've never traveled for a wedding and spent a day before and/or after the wedding at the place the wedding is being held it's different then a regular wedding when you arrive, wedding it up, and leave. You find yourself spending lots of time with other wedding types, both old friends and new. There is a lot of laughs, a few drinks, a lot of catching up, and a lot of "nice to meet yous". Things happen, mistakes are made, you say stupid things or maybe do stupid things. You laugh about it, have a few more drinks, have a blast at the wedding itself then everyone goes their separate ways, often never seeing each other again. It's kind of like condensing 6 months of real life into 2-3 days. I happen to love wedding "on the road" and this was one of the best I've ever been to

OK, so now you're about to stop reading as I go blow for blow about this wedding and this weekend...well even I'm not that cruel. No, I'm simply going to break it down to 3 parts and what they meant to me (it's all about me after all). The weekend, the wedding, and the people

The Weekend- The weekend itself did indeed remind me of our old weekends away before anyone was married or had kids. Oh it was a little different as in many cases the previously mentioned spouses and kids were along for the ride but in a weird way it actually made it better. Days on the beach (not me) or poolside and nights at the pub wrapped around the wedding itself brought back floods of memories of the good old days when, in retrospect, life seemed so much simpler. We partied like the party animals we used to be (or still are in some cases ;-)) taking the Way Back Machine to the early 90's. Hell, there was even an unplanned slumber party one night (more by necessity then by design)!! OK, maybe that wasn't my best memory of the good ol days

The Wedding- I'm not one to wax poetically about weddings. I'm just not. If I was I'd be raving about this one. Just about everything was perfect. The setting. The entrances. The guests. The theme. The fireworks (amazing how they arranged fireworks for the whole beach around this wedding). The bride and groom. I mean I know a wedding is supposed to be one of the best days of your life but I've been to a few where either the bride of groom seemed less then happy (sometimes both). Not these two. You couldn't have sandblasted the smiles from their faces. And the bride, I'm going to take a bunch of grief for saying this, really did look radiant. An 18 month long mystery was solved (was good seeing you Pat) and there was even an appearance by the Stanley Cup (well, sort of). It really was a happening. Was there a downside? Well the planned outdoor ceremony was dashed by rain but if you didn't know it was supposed to happen you wouldn't have missed it. Oh, and I forgot to pack a belt/suspenders so my mad dancing skills were not shown off for fear of my pants ending up around my ankles. Talk about a pants off dance off!!!

The People- To me everything I do and everywhere I go it's more about who was there then where I was. This was no exception. It was so awesome to get to spend long overdue time with a few people I just don't get to see often enough anymore. Things change and it just happens. Sometimes you don't even realize it until you see them again how much you miss them. Even people I "talk" to a lot via text and social networking...and there are a lot of them...to see them live, up close and personal for a length of time was just great. I met a few new people too tho probably not as many as I could as I was too wrapped up in playing catch up with my "old" friends. Maybe the best part tho was just spending time with sisters, my brother in-law, and some really close friends. Oh, we see each other enough bout never for very long as we all have different lives and lifestyles. The morning and afternoon of the wedding just sitting around the pool at our motel on the beach (yes, with all that ocean across the street we sat around a pool) sipping beers or sodas, playing cards for Doritos, rehashing old war stories for the 1 billionth time and laughing our asses off about things most other people would not find funny in the least was special. This, more then anything, really brought me back to a different time in my life

Thank you my friends (H & N) for you awesome wedding and for restoring my faith in holiday weekends away again. My job makes "long" weekends almost non-existent (I was only in York for 38 hours) and frankly I didn't think missed them. I don't enjoy crowds as much as I used to (maybe tolerate is a better word) and I'm at a different place in life then a lot of my friends. Couple that with the work thing and like I said, I had just given up. Thanks to everyone involved for letting me realize that, even into our 40's, we can still party like rock stars for a few days even if we don't bounce back as quickly as we once did

Sun Spot Baby

2011-06-30T09:45:00.003-05:00

The following is a amalgam of conversations with various friends and family members on the same topic combined into one (hopefully) cohesive conversation. Person #1 (henceforth known as P1)- "so, when we got to that wedding at the beach 4th of July weekend we figured we'd spend the day at the beach" Me-"have fun. I'll see you back at the hotel". P1-"you won't come with us"? Me- "no, I hate the beach, you know this". P1-"it's just for one day. You can cover up. It's so much fun at the beach" Person #2 (henceforth known as P2)- "Yeah, I cover up completely, slather on spf 72, wear a floppy hat and sit under an umbrella". Me-" I cover up with a roof over my head and air conditioning". P1- "you're a party pooper". Me- "so let me get this straight. I hate the heat, I'm fat and ghastly pale, I burn under a fluorescent bulb, am not particular to crowds, and the thought of laying in the sun basting for hours is so foreign to me I can't even visualize it...but I should suck it up for a day"? P1-"Exactly"

So, you may have gathered I'm not particular to the beach nor sunbathing in general. I'm just not. I may have liked it once but as I've gotten older I've become more and more susceptible to sun poisoning. The last time I can recall spending time on the beach I got burned under my eyes so bad I bear the scars to this day. So no matter your argument, I'm not likely to EVER go to the beach (during the summer, during the day at least). I'm not likely to EVER spend my vacation in some Tropical Paradise sitting poolside or beach side sipping rum drinks. It's not how I want to spend my time or my vacation

One of the big "arguments" I get is being out in the sun give you a "healthy" tan. Well, who decided "tan" is healthy? I'm literally the palest person I know. When I was in Ireland even the locals pointed out how pale I am (that's scary). I didn't ask to be pale, I was born that way. Who am I to decide my skin needs to be a shade, or several shades, darker? Last I heard, particularly for those of us of paler complexion, overexposure to sunlight is in fact, NOT healthy. I'm on the cusp of 45 and while my hair is prematurely white I've yet to find a wrinkle, crows foot or other sign of aging closely associated with, among many other factors, exposure to sunlight. Oh, and the amount of time devoted to this "healthy tan"? I simply can't be bothered

Now I don't begrudge you sun worshipers and beach bums your passion for lounging, swimming, tanning and reading in the warm sunshine. It's just not for me. My idea of a perfect summer day has little to do with waves and sunblock. My ideal vacation has nothing to do with all inclusive, poolside bars, and private beaches. What do I like to do? Meet people, go hiking, explore, eat at restaurants and roadside stands, hit a few bars, try to cram as much into the time I have off as I possibly can. Give me the mountains over the shore, Europe over the Caribbean, historical sites over white sand and blue water, and an exhausted feeling of a full day over a "healthy" tan and sand in my butt crack.

Happy Independence Day weekend! See you at the beach. Well, at the bar at the beach

Welcome to Bruinstown, U.S.A.

2011-06-17T08:45:00.002-05:00

The Boston Bruin's are Stanley Cup Champions for the first time since 1972 and Bruin's Nation is absolutely ecstatic. Now some may say "*yawn* another championship for a Boston team. All you guys do is win". Well, this may be true if you're between the ages 16-25 as all you've witnessed is winning. For the rest of us there was 16 years of nothing but frustration between the Celtics win in 86' until the Pats 1st Superbowl win in 2002. We lived and died with the Sox, Pats, C's and B's and their near misses at championship glory. Eventually the Patriots, lead by the holy triumvirate of Belichick, Brady and Kraft, upset the "greatest show on turf" and things turned the corner. 2 more Superbowl wins, the beloved, beleaguered Sox broke "the Curse" after 86 years, and the Celtics behind the new Big 3 returned to championship glory. But there was a missing element. The team with maybe the most hardcore, loyal fans, the Bruins, were lost in the shuffle and far from the average sports fan's minds having not won a Stanley Cup since 1972. That was about to change...

It's hard to explain hockey fans if you're not one. The rules are a little opaque and participation, depending on where you live, can be spotty. It's a game that plays out better live then on television. It's a game of muckers and grinders as much as it is superstars. It's a blue collar sport with the players that are most like me and you (well, once upon a time). It was the last sport where everyone, not just the rank and file, had 2nd jobs to make ends meet. It's the sport where most of the players ended up settling in the area forever and therefore were the most approachable to the fans. That's hockey fans. Then there are Bruin's fans. Loyal to the core to their team. Packing them in to the old Boston Garden where you were practically on top of the skaters giving a home ice advantage par excellence. Hard working sorts who had to watch every dollar but always set aside enough to renew their season tickets. A small, hardcore, ravenous group that had no time for fair weather fans or bandwagon jumpers. The pinnacle for these fans was the Big, Bad Bruin's of the early 70's

I was born in 1966 so I have no memories of the Bobby Orr Bruins that ignited hockey fever in the region and was in part responsible for literally 100's of hockey rinks being built around the region. My first solid memories were of guys like Terry O'Reilly, Stan Jonathan and Mike Milbury in the late 70's/early 80's. But I knew all about the Big, Bad Bruins that won Stanley Cups in 70' and 72' (and were probably the best team in the NHL in 71'). You knew the names; Bobby, Espo, Chief, Turk, Cheesy and the rest. They could skate, they could score, they could fight and they had the best player on the planet in Bobby Orr. This was the team that really defined Boston hockey. You had the poster of The Goal, it was required. You saw these guys around town as most of them settled on the North Shore to raise their families. Game 4 1970 with Bobby Orr flying thru the air was replayed over and over again. It was the peak of hockey madness and honestly maybe the most legendary team in Boston sports history

The next decade plus were lean years for Bruins fans. The Garden was still full with loyal fans but the stars of the 70's had retired or moved on. The main reason to go see them play was a young defenseman from Montreal named Ray Bourque. Bourque was a phenom and eventually they would surround him with talent like Cam Neely, Craig Janney, and the goalie tandem of Reggie Lemelin and Andy Moog. As good as these teams were, and for me they are the teams I remember best, in 1988 and 1990 their dreams, and the dreams of their fans, were dashed by the juggernaut that was the Edmonton Oilers. Looking back now I can't believe it would be another 21 years to see a return to the Stanley Cup Finals

When the tore down the Garden and replaced it with the Shawmut/Fleet/Banknorth/TD/Center/Garden it just wasn't the same. A lot of long time season ticket holders had their once great seats downgraded to mediocre seats and a lot of them were just plain priced out. Whatever it was that made the Garden such an awesome venue for hockey had been lost in translation to the (for simplicity sake we''ll just call it the...) Fleet Center despite much better amenities. Jeremy Jacobs the elusive owner was public enemy #1 with the percieved notion he was only interested in money, not the Cup. There were some competitive teams but none that got too far and none that really excited the populace

Fast forward to 2009/2010. This team started to capture the interest of the fans with dreams of Stanley Cup glory until a monumental collapse against the Philadelphia Flyers ended the playoff run rather abruptly. 2010/2011 started with a healthy Tim Thomas, key off-season acquisition of Nathan Horton and Gregory Campbell, rookie standouts Tyler Seguin and Brad Marchand and Bruin's legend and Hall of Famer Cam Neely as the newly named team president. Key late season acquisitions of Rich Peverley and Chris Kelly rounded out this gritty bunch. I won't rehash what happened next as you probably already know but as the frigid early spring in Boston grew warmer by the day you started to realize this was a special team

So, here I sit on the cusp of the rolling rally to fete the conquering heroes. Suddenly everyone is a Bruins fan and you know what? I'm fine with it. Pink hats and bandwagon jumpers are all welcome on this ride. The modern, casual sports fan has become more of an event oriented crowd as opposed to a hardcore sports crowd being more concerned about being a part of history then a fan of the sport. But I'm cool with that. These new (possibly short-term) fans make the difference in the relevance of a team and the financial bottom line of their owners. The more money they make, the more money they (hopefully) spend. So jump on board kids, Boston IS a hockey town! Boston IS a Bruins town. Get out your black and gold, crank up Nut Rocker and Dirty Water, get ready scream Looooooch, and Zeeeeee, and Timmmmay! Enjoy this victory, you deserve it!!

I Honestly Don't Care

2011-06-10T13:35:00.002-05:00

There is a current commercial running for the USPS Priority mail service where the postman (in a dress shirt and tie no less) explains to the office worker about saving on postage and he replies "It's not my money. I honestly don't care". It goes on from there but I love that line "I honestly don't care". In my day to day life I must say this 1,000 times, mostly to myself. We are in the age of TMI (too much info) where certain people have a long, involved story for, well, everything. Now, the problem is that a) I'm a nice person (despite outward appearances) and b) if it's work related smart-ass responses are frowned up. So the words coming out of my mouth are of feigned interest while the words going through my mind is "I honestly don't care".

"I'm sorry we don't have a public restroom". "I drove over 20 minutes to get here". "I truly am sorry" (I honestly don't care)
"I forget, did I tell you about how my son's toilet training went"? "I think so". "Well, just in case..." (I honestly don't care)
Did I show you the newest video I took of my dog"? "I think so...". "Well just in case..." "awesome" (I honestly don't care)
"I'm sorry but your credit card has been declined". "That can't be. Oh wait, my stupid ex-husband must have used it without telling me. Ughhhh. He drives me crazy"! "Would you like to try another card"? (I honestly don't care)
"Ugh, you guys are so lucky you don't have to deal with having your period". "I know, it must be horrible" (I honestly don't care)

So there you have it. An unexpurgated look into my inner voice. Before you go getting all sensitive, admit it, you do the same thing, you just don't want to own up to it. This was obviously written tongue-in-cheek but it does raise a good point. Limit what you're saying to a total stranger as they probably don't give a shit. Know who you're talking to and what subjects they have absolutely zero interest in. If they're your friends you know what these subjects are. If they're your friend you probably have a bunch of other common interests to discuss. Let's face it much of the time we are simply tolerant of each other rather then genuinely interested in each other. So, just remember next time you're talking to someone and when what you're saying totally jumps the shark regarding the listener, no matter what they may be SAYING what they will be THINKING is "I honestly don't care"

More randomness

2011-05-19T16:09:00.003-05:00

Me=Randomness

Now that it's spring (in name only) I notice a lot of people out running. Here's the thing, so many people who run look like no one ever taught them HOW to run. Like, horribly, painful looking form. Like, so horrible looking I wonder why they are even bothering. Once upon 100 pounds ago I used to love to run and while I'm about as graceful as a billy goat, I always had textbook form
Why can't I seem to avoid Cee Lo Green? He's everywhere. On the radio, on TV, I think I saw him in line at Dunks the other morning. Am I missing something? Other then one wayyyy overplayed song with Gnarls Barkley and one wayyyyyyyy overplayed as a solo performer, what else has he done to be so ubiquitous? I mean can he turn lead into gold? Walk on water? Cured the common cold? Or are we simply way overrating anyone who musically has a modicum of success??
The Royal Wedding...OK, I got nuttin
I'm not sure which has run out of funny ideas more quickly the Geico "Do Woodchucks chuck wood..." etc or the Miller Lite "When you take off your skirt..." etc ad campaigns but both are really reaching at this point in time
Call me old school, old fashion or just old but when did drinking become so complex. Do we really need 72 draft beers, citrus flavored beer, 15 flavored vodkas, well, call, premium, and super premium liquor, and alcohol spiked whipped cream? I wish it was like TV and the movies where you sit down and say "I'll have a beer" and the barkeep just hands you a beer...as long as that beer is Miller Lite
When we say something has gone viral these days it means less passing on some kind of illness to someone else and more making something that was fairly lame to start with exceedingly popular then tear it down by even lamer imitations (See Rebecca Black, History Will be Made parodies)
Someone actually used the term "outside the box" the other day with a straight face. Hello, 2008 called and wants it's terminology back
I love my Ipad but fair warning for those who don't yet own one; any app ending in "Story" may end up being hazardous to your free time (Farm, City, Restaurant, etc)
If you're lucky enough to live in an area with tons of mom and pop pizza and sub shops why would you ever opt for Dominos, Pizza Hut, or Subway...unless you are completely drunk off your ass and need late night delivery
Deep thought (and slightly off color)- If a woman goes out of her way to accentuate her, um, "assets" in the above the stomach/below the shoulders region by her choice of undergarment and/or top, why is it if a guy compliments her on said "assets" that the end result a slap or a drink in the face? Think about it...

Till next time

Bully Beatdown

2011-05-06T14:13:00.006-05:00

Rich's Note: This post got un-blogged during the recent Blogger meltdown/maintenance thing so I apologize to the couple of people who may have already seen this

In the wake of the unsatisfactory decision in the Phoebe Snow bullying case here in Massachusetts I got to thinking about bullies, bullying and modern day bullies. Let me first state in the case of Phoebe Snow I am of mixed emotions as I feel the "punishment" did not fit the crime in that 3 of those involved did not look regretful in the least. On the other hand it's hard to send 5 young people to jail in a case and circumstances which were multilayered to say the least. I don't know that the decision was the ground breaking, eye opening verdict that would help to dissuade bullying from reaching the harmful levels it often does. No, I'm afraid bullying is still with us and likely always will be

To get it out of the way, I was bullied a lot as a kid (as I'm sure were a lot of people reading this). I was undersized, had horn-rimmed glasses, an easy going disposition and (then as now) talked too much. I can remember still to this day enduring humiliation and fear on many occasions. What was odd is, and what a lot of people don't realize is often the case, I was a pretty popular kid at the same time I was the victim of bullying. I remember being despondent and looking at my "friends" like why didn't you stick up for me? I know, it sounds crazy but it's true. One of the major issues with bullying is no one ever wants to step in for fear of physical harm or, more likely, a loss in social standing. I was lucky as I filled out physically and hardened emotionally and in time was able to stick up for myself. Others weren't as lucky. I can also look back on one particular incident where I was, in retrospect, the tormentor. It set off a series of events which went on for years after and which I am, once again in retrospect, truly regretful. It's a complex situation. Sometimes the bully doesn't realize from the onset he's bullying. Sometimes the target doesn't realize he's a victim right away. In most cases the sides either learn to coexist, it just stops, or, as it seems more and more frequently, ends in tragedy

First things first. Bullying, whether called by that name or not, is a part of life. It will never go away. It shouldn't go away on it's basest layer. Let me explain. Overcoming our fears and the obstacles in our way is one of the ways we progress in life. Sometimes these obstacles are in the form of a person looking to hold us down. To move to the next level you need to go over, under, around or through this obstacle. Now, excessive bullying, that's another story. Excessive bullying is when a person or persons inflict physical or emotional harm on someone they perceive as weaker or an "easy target". This is not limited to the schoolyard and pops up in other situations such as the workplace, sports, or even relationships. I had a friend who I admire a lot and who I perceive as pretty tough. Well, she told me about a situation in her corporate job where her boss bullied her something awful. I was stunned as I always thought this was something that happened in the movies and TV but that in real life no adult would take that kind of abuse. She told me it was real and it was scary and it was her fear of losing her job that forced her to take it. So, again, this is not a simple, black and white issue.

To make things worse modern day bullies have the power of the internet at their finger tips to take their tormenting to an all new level. There have been several recent, high profile incidents where private things were made public on You Tube, Facebook and Twitter. With texting and, god forbid, "sexting" something said or done will be on everyone's phone in a nanosecond. So, yes, the only thing scarier then a bully is a bully with a knowledge of social media

The more important question is how do we deal with bullying? How do we prepare our kids for bullying (theoretically speaking as I don't have kids) and how do we prevent tragedy from bullying from happening? I have a few thoughts. They are my thoughts and are based both in theory and reality

The tried and true method for dealing with bullies is standing up to them. It worked for David vs Goliath and it works today. Now, in some cases it doesn't work (reference Dazed and Confused...under rated movie). But, and especially if you have back up, this is still the most direct route to end bullying. Even if you get your ass kicked it is still the best way to put an end to it
Parents, you need to talk to your kids about bullying. Find out if they or anyone they know are being bullied. If you get the feeling your kid may be a bully don't just blow it off but speak to them. Find out where this anger comes from. Most importantly, and I mean this, tell your kids if they are witness to bullying it is almost as bad to watch it happen and say or do nothing as it is to be actively involved in the bullying
To expand upon that last thought a bit, those of us that can and don't stick up for victims of bullying should be ashamed of ourselves. This is especially true in the circumstance I mentioned earlier where we don't get involved less because of physical concern and more because of social standing. Honestly, is what your standing is in the eyes of those kind of people that important? I was once faced with a scenario between doing the right thing and what my friend termed "social suicide". I chose the former and said to my friend "eh, I'm not that popular with that crowd anyway, so fuck em"
Be cautious of electronic media. If it's yourself don't go doing stupid things like take inappropriate pictures or videos of yourself as that is cannon fodder for bullies. Set you privacy settings on EVERYTHING to friends only. If you have kids, as much as they may get pissed, monitor their Facebook, email and texts as the seeds of bullying will probably be found here
This is the hardest one as it flies in the face of what I believe. I am a true proponent of being who you are and not who the masses say you should be. Drones suck and individuals rock. Now, all that said there can be something said about making yourself less of a victim. This isn't easy and involves compromise but sometimes it is the simplest way around bullying

The modern day bully tends to be more of a clique of popular types picking on those they consider not to their standards versus the classic mean spirited, loner type that was long the stereotype (although they still exist too). The tormenting is more likely to be emotional then physical but it's bullying nonetheless. At some point in our lives most of us will have to deal with bullying in some way, sort or fashion. It's becoming a more serious issue then ever before and needs to be taken more seriously. No more turning a blind eye or claiming "they're just kids" etc. I still think the key to stopping the bullying lies in realizing if we are watching it happen and do nothing about it we are almost as much to blame as the bullies. There is strength in numbers and the rest of us will always outnumber the bullies. Stick together, stand up for each other and bullies will show their true colors as a bunch of dipshits with low self-esteem who stroke their own fragile egos by making others suffer.

Opinions Are Like...

2011-04-30T14:33:00.004-05:00

One of the things that chaps my ass more then anything else is when I opine on a subject and am told I can't because "I don"t ____", "I've never___" or "I'm not____" and the like. Some examples "you have a job", "you're not a woman", "you're not married", and the big one "you don't have kids". I will tell you quite honestly that the number of things I'm "not" far outweigh the things that I "am". If everyone could only talk about subjects on which they were experts then the world would be a very quiet place

The thing is this, taking from a famous expression, opinions are like assholes, everyone has one and they all stink. But an opinion is a very personal thing and is reflective of how you feel about something and how it affects you, not necessarily the masses. That's why the term "personal opinion" is kind of an oxymoron as all opinions are, at their core, personal...even when it's in the court of public opinion (OK, that was lame). Bottom line-everyone has an opinion on EVERYTHING. Now, whether you agree with this opinion or feel the person giving this opinion is qualified to do so is your problem, not theirs (or mine).

I was thinking that if I was limited to opinions based strictly on who I am then here are the topics; single, forty-something, unmarried, childless, Cambridge, Miller Lite, white hair, pale skin, hockey equipment, Irish heritage...I think that's it. Pretty dull, no? So, no, I will not live by your rules of what I can and can't speak on. I will continue to have an opinion on everything. Whether I choose to share it or not and whether you like it or not is not my concern.

So, in order from above, stop sucking the State dry, I'm sorry it's your time of the month but don't take it out on me, stop being a wuss and letting your wife walk all over you, and you coddle your kids too much, let them walk to school. Wow, that felt good to get that off my chest

Funny Pharm

2011-04-08T10:32:00.003-05:00

A (relatively) brief thought for a Friday. There are a lot of jobs that carry a high level of stress or unpleasantness. Cops for example have very stressful jobs. Plumbers have very little to look forward to on their next stop. Proctologist...well, that goes with out say. But I'd have to say one of the worst jobs in this day and age is pharmacist and pharmacy tech. Are there any current jobs where you have to listen to more gut-wrenching, heartbreaking and, yes, preposterous stories from nearly everyone you encounter? It must be hard and it must harden the worker to no end because an hour into their day they've already been emotionally beaten down

Meds have become a huge part of our lives while at the same time insurance coverage gets trickier and pharmacies are caught in the middle. While I waited in line to pick up my prescription last night a woman more or less bared her soul on the pharmacy tech about yes, she can't refill for 2 weeks but that her husband, who has the same prescription, took all her pills and he was out because they couldn't afford the co-pay for his last month and about how her psychiatrist makes her see him before he'll give her a scrip renewal and how she can't afford the office co-pay... I felt kind of bad for her as she seemed, well, desperate. I felt worse for the pharmacy tech who could only say sorry and there's nothing I can do for probably the 100th time that day. As someone who deals with the public and hears sob stories daily I really felt for this guy as honestly, what can he do? It is a sad state of affairs however that this poor lady, so desperate for her meds to keep her going was forced to debase herself in front of this complete stranger as well as all of us in line

I guess my plead to everyone who has an issue is there isn't anything that the person helping you can do. Call your doctor, call your insurance carrier, call your priest, rabbi or imam but don't take it out on the poor pharmacy tech just trying to do their job. There's little they can do for you and making them feel bad doesn't solve any problems

Correctamundo

2011-03-24T09:08:00.004-05:00

One of the constant theme in my rants is political correctness. As always I'll stress that I am sensitive to race, color, creed, religion, gender and whatever else people get offended by. I also think the world is a better place with some semblance of political correctness as it has made a lot of ignorant terms and expression stand out as just that, ignorant. However, as with most things, people have taken it to the extreme and everyone is forced to walk on eggshells before saying anything that could be even in some infinitesimally tiny way be misconstrued as politically incorrect. Anything traipsing within a country mile of being slightly un-PC sets off a series of tsk-tsks, head shaking and lectures on sensitivity. Me, I'm not buying it. We spend so much time worrying about how we feel others feel about certain terms, words, and yes, stereotypes that we tend to make it a bigger issue then it should have ever become. In many case a we make it a bigger issue then those who are "affected" by it even realize (or care about). There is an old expression "call a spade a spade" which basically stated means it is what it is, don't over complicate it. The funny thing is that if you use this expression, someone could actually accuse you of being un-PC as even tho the spade in question is a shovel, it also has a past as a derogatory term (see Blazing Saddles if you don't get the reference). Whatever. Below I'm going to mention a couple of terms which are generally considered politically incorrect and the situation in which they were used and the reaction it elicited just to prove how silly some of this is

Oriental- Now considered an inaccurate, dated and yes, politically incorrect term for Asians as a group. The fact that there are thousands of Asian restaurants, owned by Asians, using some form of Orient or Oriental in their name doesn't seem to matter. I think it's dated in that no one really refers to the continent of Asia as "The Orient" (as opposed to the Occident...) anymore even tho it was so for decades. I think it's more the fact the term Oriental was used as a mass tag for anyone from that part of the world regardless of their actual home country. Think, "check out that Oriental fella over there". 2 recent, real world, Rich O experiences with this term.

A recent conversation between someone close to me and a person she was doing business with got to a point where the other person, a white male in his early 30's, mentioned an earlier customer who was an "older, Oriental woman". Well, she went into a diatribe about how Oriental isn't appropriate, he's too young to be plead ignorance on using outdated terms like that and generally (and in a good-natured way) browbeat him for a good minute. The result was he lost composure and seemed distracted for the rest of the meeting. My opinion? Unnecessary browbeating.The more questionable content was him specifying that the customer was elderly and Asian, not using the term Oriental
I was at work on a quiet day and was musing aloud with a co-worker about a restaurant I saw called Oriental Chinese Restaurant. I was carrying on like I often do about how silly I thought the name was and comparing it to opening a place called European French Restaurant or the like. Well, quicker then the speed of light another co-worker ran up to me said "there are Chinese customers in the store!!! I can hear you from here. That's so inappropriate". I said, well, no, it isn't. I said not one thing that was inappropriate or insulting (though maybe not terribly funny either). I was pointing out the absurdity of the name of an eatery, not the customers, the Chinese people, or really anyone at all and I told my co-worker to get a grip and...well, I won't print the rest

African American- Probably one of the best examples of a politically correct term. It is the now accepted term for those formerly identified as black. I don't have a ton of black friends but those I do have still refer to themselves as black, not African American. Look, anything is better then "colored" but still, it seems overcompensating. The funny part is people as so afraid to say "black" anymore they are describing any "person of color" regardless of birthplace or ancestral home as African American. Couple of quick examples;

I was serving jury duty recently and most of the people involved in this case of larceny on both sides were natives of Cameroon and only a couple of them were naturalized American citizens. So basically 2 were indeed African Americans and the rest were Africans (get out your world map). When we were deliberating one guys was trying to point out the lawyer for the defense was implying prejudice in one part of the case because everyone on the defenses side were "African Americans". After 4 days with these strangers I was feeling like being a prick so I pointed out that only 2 were African Americans. He said no, all of them are and I said, Um, no, most are Africans, not African Americans. He said, well, you know what I mean and I said, no, what do you mean. He said well, they'll all...and I said "black"? He said, well you can't really say that anymore and I said, actually, yes you can if it it more accurate then incorrectly identifying them as Americans, which they weren't
Mike Grier who played hockey at B.U. (and who's dad once worked for the Pat's) recently passed a milestone in playing 1,000 games in the NHL which is remarkable. I was at the bar and in discussing I said it's a remarkable feat that is being lessened by the constant mentioning of "1st African American". A guy sitting next to me said "what about Grant Fuhr" and I answered "no on both counts" he said "huh"? I answered "he didn't play 1,000 games and he's Canadian" to which he answered "Oh, I thought he played over 1,000 games and there are tons of Canadian African Americans"...
A friend of a friend, who is indeed black, and I were joking about this very subject and he said he hates being referred to as an African American. He said I'm American, born and raised and the furthest back I can trace my family to is Haiti which last I checked was NOT in Africa

Midget- Admittedly this is one of those words that just sounds ugly. But it was a long accepted term defining a person of short stature but otherwise standard proportions. Now, I don't have a problem with people taking offense to the term but is it any worse then the PC "little person"? In my opinion, no,

Only real life example wasn't really real life but from a reality tv show. The show about a traveling troupe of midget wrestlers and their lives on the road. The leader of this merry gang calls himself and his cohorts midgets to the chagrin of dwarf activists. On the first show he got in the ring at a show at a crowded bar, stood in the center of the ring and asked the crowd "what am I"? No one said a word so he asked again "what kind of person am I"? Finally, one woman yelled out "a little person" to which he responded "f*#k you, I'm a midget. There's nothing little about me". Amen brother, amen

So, my point? Relax people. I know it's different but if someone calls me white and not Caucasian I'm ok (and based on skin tone I actually am whiter then white). If someone refers to me as a Mick in regard to my Irish heritage it's all good. If someone else takes offense to someone calling me that, that's a different story. Mind your own business until you know how those you are defending feel about the word you are defending them from. We all know the inappropriate, ignorant, insulting terms that have been more or less eradicated from every day lexicon (thank god) but let's not go overboard n the other direction stumbling and bumbling over words we think may insult someone. I'm sure if you tried hard enough you could find someone offended by almost any word so just speak as you speak or spend the rest of your life self-censoring everything you say

In the interest of those of you members of the PCA, I'm recommending the following words and terms be eliminated from the English language (sorry, no explanations, figure it out yourself)

Colored pencils, colored socks
Indian Summer, Cleveland Indians, Indianapolis, and the state of Indiana
Blackboard, black eye, Black Death, black mark
The midget division in hockey (as well as bantams...can't insult those roosters)
Oriental Avenue in Monopoly and the Orient Heights T-Station
Broad side, Notre Dame, Chick Fila,
Eskimo Pie
Vancouver Canucks
Doo Wop music, Guinea pig, Father Guido Sarducci, and the Dagobar System from Star Wars
Paddy cakes and paddy wagon (ok, that is an actual derogatory term which is now commonplace)

I think you get my drift. Goodnight and have a pleasant tomorrow

Some Like it Hot

2011-03-17T10:18:00.005-05:00

Throughout the history, and in this great country specifically, there have always been unofficial labels for a period of time known as eras. There is typically an event or an occurrence which is most often associated with kicking off an era be it reality or just popular opinion. Some significant eras in United States history and the events that are popularly associated with kicking them off would be The Great Depression kicking off with the Crash of 1929 (Black Tuesday), The Space Age kicked off by the launch of Sputnik, or The Summer of Love kicked off by the Monterey Pop Music Festival (really the Human-Be-In earlier that spring but no one remembers that). I've been trying to come up with a suitable name for the age we're currently in. I know the event that kicked it off but we'll get to that

So, to start a new era you need an event to kick it off. Well, here are some examples of potential era defining events:

2005 Administrative law judge Roy Pearson sues a dry cleaner for $67,000,000 for losing his pair of pants (popularly known as the Great American Pants Suit)
2005 Kurt Prohaska files suit against a homeowner who's house he was attempting to rob as he fell through the skylight and was later shot by the owner
Caesar Barber seeks a class action suit against the Big 4 fast food chains for his being overweight
2000 Cleanthi Peters sued Universal Studios for $15,000. She claimed to have suffered extreme fear, mental anguish, and emotional distress due to visiting Universal Studios’ Halloween Horror Nights haunted house, which she said was too scary
2006 Allen Heckard sued Michael Jordan and Nike founder Phil Knight for $832 million. He claimed to suffer defamation, permanent injury, and emotional pain and suffering because people often mistook him for the basketball star

Are we seeing a theme here? When did we lose our collective minds? What was the jumping off point of this litigious madness? When was it decided that we are not ever wrong, stupid, or at fault and there is always someone else to blame? I contend it was the 1994 McDonald's coffee case. For those that don't remember this landmark case in foolishness here is a quick and dirty summary. In 1992, 79 year old Stella Liebeck received 3rd degree burns on her legs, buttocks, and groin from coffee spilled while holding the cup between her knees in the passenger seat while trying to add cream and sugar. The contention was the coffee was "too hot". Long story short she was eventually awarded a 6-figure settlement somewhere between $160,000-$600,000 depending on what you read. As a result you can no longer get a cup of anything containing a hot beverage with less then 10,000 warnings about the fact that, hey, the liquid contained herein is f'n hot!

Now, I'm not heartless and I do feel bad she was hurt. Having said that, anyone who can blame anyone but themselves or anything but stupidity and ignorance for holding a cup of hot coffee between their knees is the one who should be sued for sub-human intelligence. I mean, hot liquids burn, they always have. Drinking and smoking are bad for you, people, not guns, kill people, please don't feed the animals means please don't feed the damned animals. I'm sorry, fully grown adults of even marginal intelligence should, no, MUST, know these things. There is no excuse and it's really nobodies fault but your own

This diatribe really hits 2 major issues. The first is the legal end. There are unfortunately tons and tons of loopholes in local, national, and international laws. These loopholes are exploited all the time and then effectively closed once precedence has taken place. I don't blame the lawmakers or lawyers as with the former it is impossible to cover ever possible contingency and in the latter it is their job to find these things and in many legit, on the up and up cases the world has become a better place because of the outcome. There has to be a person willing to pursue litigation in cases for personal gain above and beyond logic (ok, they can be eked along by an interested party) in order for this to take place. And more often then not the lawsuits are brought against entities they know they can get money out of. If it had been Mary's Donut shop coffee that Stella had burnt herself with, would she have attempted to sue for damages? Maybe, maybe not but the odds are against it. The biggest issue is a lot of these cases of what could be considered "frivolous litigation" cause a logjam of legit cases of negligence wrongful injury that can takes years to be heard and costs us millions of dollars

The second issue is people's growing inability to take responsibility for their own actions. You spilled your coffee and burned yourself. I'm so sorry you got hurt but how can that be anyone's fault but your own? You drank, you drove, you crashed and hurt yourself or someone else. It's YOUR fault. Not the beer company, not the car company, not the company that made the traffic light that your ran. Your weight, blood sugar, cholesterol, and blood pressure are off the charts unhealthy because you showed no restraint, not because some fast food joint tempted you with commercials claiming they are healthy. No, ultimately we're each responsible for our own actions be they beneficial or detrimental and trying to pin blame on someone else because they have more money then you is wrong on every level (ok, the Pants case was hardly suing a wealthy person but the man was in financial dire straits at the time).

Obviously this is all personal opinion based on things I've heard and "researched" on the internet (and if it's on the internet you know it's true) and, to paraphrase The Town, "everything I know about law I learned from watching Law & Order". Anyone with even a working knowledge of law can rip my story to shreds and that's why it's "opinion". Look, thank god there are laws that protect us against those that are often in a better position of power then we are. My point is it's a crazy world we're now living in where logic seems to no longer exist, up is down and black is white. Come on people, let's get our collective heads out of our collective asses and stand up and take responsibly for our own actions. Nope, easier to find someone else to blame for our shortcomings and maybe make a few bucks while we're at it. Thank you Stella, and Welcome to Generation Litigation!

A St Paddy's Day re-post

2011-03-16T14:06:00.002-05:00

From 2009 but the sentiment remains the same. Enjoy

Ah, March 17^th, St. Patrick’s Day. The day in which we celebrate everything Irish and everyone is Irish for a day. Me? I’m not buying it. Being Irish for a day is like being Christian only on Easter and Christmas or in love only on Valentines Day. My ancestry is Irish on both sides and I’ve made it a point to study my ancestry, been to Ireland 3 times and hell, my personality alone exudes the atypical Irish stereotype. I’m Irish 24/7/365 and don’t need a special holiday to celebrate this

Let’s face some certain facts:

1) St Patrick’s Day is more of an Irish American holiday then an Irish holiday although it has become bigger in Ireland and made traveling to Ireland for this date more a destination trip then ever before

2) The traits of being Irish that are celebrated on St Paddy’s Day are most of the negative stereotypes propagated by the media and popular fiction and not history. It celebrates the Irish as a bunch of drunks (true in many cases but not in all), that Ireland must be chock full of leprechauns, and that the Irish exclusively wear green from head to toe. It doesn’t celebrate the fact the Irish are hard working, industrious folk that were critical in the growth of THIS country

3) It is the one holiday that straddles the line between Hallmark holiday (the sheer amount of crap you can buy to celebrate) and Amateur Night (New Year’s Eve and night before Thanksgiving being the other 2) in that it becomes more and more popular because the stores shove it down our throats and at the same time all these poseurs and wannabes are out drinking and generally getting in the way of us real drinkers

4) People want to hear “Irish” music, which of course they mean traditional or Irish folk music. As far as they are concerned Irish bands ceased progressing with the Clancy Brothers and the Irish Rovers. I suppose that all Irish high school kids walk around playing the Unicorn Song on their Ipods and that most of us never heard of U2, the Corrs or the Pogues?

Finally, some dos and don’ts:

Don’t order corned beef and cabbage (aka boiled dinner) if you want authentic Irish, as corned beef is not a preparation indigenous to Ireland (the cost of salt was way too high)

Do order bangers and mash if you want authentic

Don’t order green beer. ‘nuff said

Do order Guinness or Smithwicks or another real product of Ireland

Don’t order a black and tan as it has a very derogatory meaning to the Irish (and hell, don’t spoil Guinness with anything else)

Do have a shot of Jameson’s, just about the tastiest stuff on earth

Don’t speak with a phony Irish brogue

Do have fun without making a total moron of yourself and, if you are indeed Irish, your heritage

Do visit one of your areas many Irish pubs

Don’t forget they are typically open 360 plus other days a year and not just St. Paddy’s Day

Have fun, drink, laugh, and raise a toast to those whom gone before you. Rejoice in being Irish if only for a day but don’t make a mockery of a proud, hard working people who helped build THIS great country as well as their own

Sláinte!!

R.I.P. Dickie O 1937-2011

2011-02-24T18:07:00.004-05:00

Most of you who take the time to read this probably already know this but I've been away from blogging, and a lot of other things, as my dad had been really sick and recently passed away. Cancer had really overwhelmed him and in the end his passing was merciful. My dad was a larger then life personality and was mourned by hundreds and hundreds of friends and family. It's hard to handle all the raw, emotional outpouring of affection that everyone had for my dad because it makes you both happy to hear and sad because maybe you never realized just how great he was because, well, he was your dad and had to dad-like at times. For those that knew him, most of what I'm writing here will come as no surprise. For those that didn't know him, I'm only scratching the surface of who he really was. If I sound like I'm bragging or going on too much about my dad, tough shit, stop reading right now as this is all about the man that was Dickie O

Dick was from North Cambridge, MA and was damned proud of that. Not Cambridge, North Cambridge. That was important to him and his people at that time and would be quick to correct people who said he was from Cambridge. What neighborhood you were from was far more important then what city. He was the youngest of 5 and so much younger then his older brother his was often mistaken for his son. He was a typical neighborhood kid of the time and on the whim of a friend enlisted in the USMC where he served for 6 years. He came home and met the love of his life; his best friend's baby sister. Boy, did that have disaster written all over it. But it all worked out as several years, and 6 children, later he moved the family from a 2 bedroom apartment in Somerville to Arlington where he lived for the rest of his life.

He basically had one employer his entire adult life which would be the entity now known as Verizon but to us was simply "The Phone Company". He started and finished his nearly 40 year career as a proud union member and the thought of ever going "management" to him was nearly blasphemous. He mentored literally hundreds of coworkers over the years and remained friends with nearly all of them and best friends with many of them. He was a typical dad of the time with a large family and sole provider in that he put in massive amounts of overtime just to make ends meet. At the same time he never, ever missed work unless it was a dire situation and took home perfect attendance awards (yes, strange they have those things for working adults) pretty much every year. With all this going on he still found time to make it to his kids various activities although not to a level that is likely acceptable to parents these days.

In his 40's he joined Fitness First in Arlington where he spent his nights doing aerobics, working out, raising a ruckus and serving as unofficial mayor of the gym. He touched the life of many young people there while never missing an opportunity to embarrass his son and daughters that also were members.

After retirement he spent a lot of time with his emerging brood of grandchildren whether it be walking cranky kids around the neighborhood, waiting at the school to walk the kids home, or volunteering as a "lunch lady" he enjoyed his time with the kids and entertaining the young parents of the other kids. When my sister adopted Willie the cat his new job was walking the cat. Don't ask. While the last few years of his life weren't easy dealing with hip replacements and the constantly recurring cancer but he typically made the best of it and while it was a little harder to draw it out, he never lost his sense of humor

Those are the facts, that's the biography but none of that is what made Dick O'Rourke who he was. Nope, it was his personality that made him such an unforgettable character. I once described him as the guy that was all your high school superlative awards rolled into one. Most popular, class clown, best dressed, best dancer, etc, etc, etc. He was an amazing dancer and was the first to dance at any event. He could whistle like a pro and his whistling always served as an early warning device for the mood he was in. If he was walking down the hill from the bus stop whistling away we knew we were in for a good night. If not... He was a masterful story teller, knew a million (mostly dirty) jokes and hundreds of (mostly inappropriate) songs all of which we heard hundreds of time but which always brought a smile to someones face. He didn't know the meaning of the words "shy" or "awkward" and was always comfortable around people whether they were his oldest friend or if they had just them. He was a major league ball buster but always took it as well as he gave it and never missed an opportunity to be the butt of his own jokes. He knew how to work a room and made it a point to interact with everyone whether a hearty handshake, hug, or, more likely, a subtle dig. He was, in his words, "a real pissa".

Now, all that said, he certainly had his faults and idiosyncrasies. He had a temper that you had to push to see but when he blew up, run. He was the life of the party for many years always being the last one to leave. He quit drinking when I was 12 so I don't remember much of those days (nor did he) but I asked him once if he got counseling or AA or anything to help quit drinking. He told me no, he just woke up one morning and quit drinking. Of course he woke up on the neighbors porch... He didn't drive, he didn't fly, he didn't really like going away as he was convinced the house would burn down. For us a vacation was a trip to wherever my uncle Bernie had for us to use within a few hours drive. He was a horrible sleeper and existed most of his life on just a few hours sleep. This was an issue as we got older and tried to "sneak in". He always told us it was impossible to lie to him as he had done everything we'd done and done it better. He was right too. He was admittedly only slightly handy yet collected enough tools that his friends who were carpenters and contractors borrowed tool from him. He obsessed with painting the house until he finally gave in and got siding. He was super paranoid about inclement weather often calling his grown children to tell them to "be careful it's going to be slippery out there". But all these peccadilloes were part of the character that was my dad

I always think of my dad as a friend. Well, I mean of course he was my friend but I mean everyone's friend. He had that type of personality and charisma that he attracted friends like metal filings to a magnet. And if he called you his friend he meant it. Words like friendship and loyalty were not throw away terms for him but words by which he lived his life. I'd say he had more, real, true friends then anyone I knew. He would quite literally give the shirt off his back to a friend in need. And they never forgot him either. As his health deteriorated he had a constant stream of visitors to make sure he knew he was loved. His best friend in particular showed the true definition of BFF by spending all day every Wednesday with him to keep him company, keep him from feeling too sorry for himself, and to give my mom a much needed break. While we all extolled his virtues for doing this he would have no part of it. He'd say "you don't get it. Being Dickie's friend has been a privilege". So say we all Bob, so say we all

Dickie died at home surrounded by loved ones after a long, difficult bout with cancer. He was very weak and couldn't speak much in the end but we did get some flashes of old Dickie in his last few days. He told Karen to control herself, told Katy she was too loud, told my mother Eileen was a PT so she has the right technique to move her, not my mom who was a "bull in the woods, smirked as Jenny sang and danced for him, and shared a tender moment with me as he called me closer and as I leaned in he flipped me the bird. Yup, true story. The smile on his face, knowing he got me good, was priceless and something I'll never forget. You'd have to know him to understand why that was a precious moment.

In the end he went out with style. Hundreds and hundreds waited hours to say farewell at his wake. There was no simple condolences as nearly everyone wanted to share a story. I joked with one of his friends that he was up there laughing at all the fools standing out in the freezing cold just to see him. At his funeral he was serenaded by bagpipes and I had the honor, no, the privilege, of giving his eulogy. It meant a lot to me. He was buried in Arlington and received the ceremony deserved of a Marine with Taps and a flag folding ritual. While it was sad the whole thing was beautiful

I won't lie, it's been hard. He was so sick you tell yourself he's better off and while that may be true I'm not sure WE'RE better off. It's hard losing someone who, as we are reminded of every day, cast such a large shadow. I know he's watching over us and is happily reunited with Mimi and all the others that went before him.

I've had a lot of people tell me he was a great man. I think he would argue with that as he'd say that was reserved for people who did great things. I will say he was a great friend, great guy, great husband, and great father and he was great at making people feel better about themselves. Hmmm, sounds like great things to me. So, yeah, I guess great man is a avid description.

So long pops, you will be missed but not forgotten

(some people have asked me to post the eulogy I wrote for him. Most of what I said is contained is this blog but if anyone would like to read it, let me know)

Wishful Thinking

2010-12-09T21:54:00.002-05:00

Holiday time is a season of wishes both given and received. In the spirit of wishing here’s a list of wishes both offered and requested:

1) For the cyclists riding up and down Mass. Ave- a copy of the rules of the road. You want me to “share the road”? Fine, follow the same rules as those of us in cars. I’d also love to share a ride with them in their cars and see if they are nearly as tolerant of cyclists and pedestrians as they want me to be to them

2) For the jack-wagons outside my home cranking tunes at 3:00 AM- Their address in the suburbs so I can return the favor. Just because you’re on a busy, city street doesn’t mean people don’t live there

3) To the management/employees at movie theaters- a sense of pride in what you do. It’s bad enough I have pay over $20 for a ticket, popcorn, and a drink but for the love of god can you please take care of the only important thing you have to do, namely getting the sound and picture of the MOVIE correct. Next time I have to get up and say “hey, there is no sound” I’m going to scream

4) To fellow shoppers at the supermarket/department store/mall- 30 minutes of no cell phone use. That way we can all get done what we need to get done and get on with the rest of our day

5) To the brewers of the fine ale Smithwicks (my 2nd favorite beer)- An adhesive that actually secures the labels to your bottles. I’m tired of having to disappoint my nephew explaining why the bottle return won’t work without the UPC code on the label that is likely somewhere on the bottom of my fridge

6) To all the people making mention of how cold it is- A reality check! It’s technically not even winter yet and it’s pretty much going to be cold from here on in

7) For pedestrians in Davis Square- An explanation of “Don’t Walk”. Sure, I jaywalk all the time. However IF you are going to walk when it says don’t walk and I’m trying to take a right at least have the decency to pay attention to what the hell you're doing

8) To big retail- A ban on Christmas decorations and/or Christmas music until at least November 15th

9) To the P.C. police- Merry Christmas, Christmas tree, Christmas party, Christmas presents. It’s only words people and it’s the meaning that needs to be embraced!

10) To my dad- Another year. And another after that...and after that.

If number 10 is the only wish that comes true, I’ll be as happy as a pig in slop! Merry Christmas (and Happy Hanukkah) Friends

Just Sayin'

2010-10-26T17:35:00.003-05:00

Stream of consciousness from the mind of a guy with too much time on his hands

1) I'd like to hug the person who invented yoga pants and decided they could be worn as regular everyday wear. On the other hand I'd like to slap this same person as some things are better left to the imagination

2) Of all the low, dirty, backbiting things are are in the world political elections are dirtiest. Politicians and their supporters should be ashamed of themselves. No longer is it about where they stand on issues but smear campaigns and personal attacks. And people wonder why I find the whole thing disgusting

3)The Miller Lite commercials with the female bartenders making fun of guys for not choosing Miller Lite (change your skirt, put down your pocketbook etc) have clearly run their course

4) Guys who think other guys cooking (and no, not manning the grill during the summer but indoor cooking) makes them less of a man are incredibly ignorant, narrow minded, and probably hung like a field mouse

5) It's not TV, it's HBO has never been truer. While I dreaded the end of the Sopranos I can't get enough of Boardwalk Empire, East Bound and Down, Bored To Death, True Blood, and Curb Your Enthusiasm. Every Sunday I am reminded why I pay for this great cable channel

6) Travel while you can as we have a great, big, beautiful country out there waiting to be seen. Don't let opportunity pass you by.

7) You know you're a true Bostonian when you get equally pissed at pedestrians when you're driving as you do at drivers when you're a pedestrian. Don't get me started on cyclists

8) I don't get why some people say they "hate" watching professional (or college) sports. They have it all; action, excitement, drama, emotion, laughs, tears and more. You don't have to be a fanatic (I know, I know, fan is short for fanatic but bite me) to enjoy sports the same way you would a great tv show, movie, or concert

9) One of the great things about New England is the changing of colors from summer to fall. Having said that the idea of leaf peeping for the sake of it is nuts. I mean, to see all the awesome colors of autumn on your way to hiking, camping, apple picking etc is one thing but just driving around going "ooooh" and "ahhhh"....

10) I'm tired of hearing the expressions "farm to table" and "fresh, local, sustainable ingredients". Don't ge me wrong, I'm all for this but until this whole economy turns around those words all translate to "very expensive". I love supporting local producers but at 4 times the price of supermarkets it's hard to justify

11) I love social media and all it involves. I love Facebook and You Tube and the like. What I wanna know is do any regular people really use Twitter much? Tweeting seems geared solely towards celebrities, media outlets, and businesses and out of the reach of regular citizens (well unless your under the age of 30)

12) The whole 3D movie thing has already run it's course with me. I say, sure, go ahead, keep making them but do NOT insult me by making me buy another piece of shit 3D glasses every time I want to see a movie. Really Hollywood? Really?

13) Shows you really should check out- Drinking Made Easy, East Bound and Down, The Event, The Best Thing I Ever Ate, Food Jammers, Covert Affairs, Blue Mountain State, and the previously mentioned Boardwalk Empire

14) No matter how much he plays or how long he's here, Shaq is going to be a breath of fresh air on the Boston sports scene

15) There are commercials for video games which are, seriously, better then many of the shows they are shown during. I'd guess the commercials are also better then the games themselves in many cases

With Friends Like These...

2010-10-12T13:55:00.005-05:00

Back from a well deserved and desperately needed vacation so I figured I'd get back into things slowly with a fairly positive blog. Don't worry I've got plenty of pent up frustration you'll be able to share with me real soon

I've written time and again about friends and friendship as it is a very important subject to me (and should be to everyone). I think for those of us who fall into the ever expanding category of single, never married, no kids, friends are a far bigger part of your life then it is to those who are married and/or have kids. Outside of family (which can and hopefully are also friends) friends are the most important thing in your life. Old friends, new friends, red friends, blue friends...sorry, Seussian slip there...work friends, etc. Simply put without friends life is pretty incomplete. Now, I've gotten down on myself and on my friends a lot in recent years for often petty reasons but every single time, when the chips are down or when I need them most I realize I have the best friends in the world. I'm going to list a few recent examples of what great friends I (and my family have).

1) My dad has been sick for a while now but recently things were starting to look bad. He was losing the psychological end of the fight as much as the physical battle. Well a funny thing happened. As much as he said he didn't want to see anyone, friends showed up in bunches. His friends, my mother's friends, mine and my sisters friends, enough people to keep him from getting down and feeling sorry for himself. Mostly it was his best friend who, whether he is home or in the hospital, spends 4-5 hours every Wednesday with him. Sometimes they watch TV, sometimes they talk and sometimes they both just sit there but regardless, he is always there. Add to that the huge outpouring of well-wishes from friends of myself and my sisters it has been an amazing thing to behold. And you know what else? His situation has improved dramatically. Coincidence? Maybe. But coincidence or not you can't deny the power of friendship

2) I know some will find this hard to believe and it likely doesn't apply to everyone, but vacations for the single and unattached can be tricky. Usually you can only take vacations with those in a similar situation (tho not always). For this reason I waited even longer then usual to plan out my vacation time and was getting really worn to a frazzle with work and life. Well, 2 friends (one a relative as well as a friend) stepped up huge and I ended up spending time in 2 places I hadn't been to in years (decades in one case) and had the time of my life. Seriously. It was the cure for what ailed me at this point in my life. Both trips were at the same time busy, funny, and relaxing and were just about perfect from my standpoint. Oh, and the one constant I have to still look forward to is my guy trip we take every fall which is usually 3 days of non-stop laughter with 3 of the best friends a guy could ask for. I feel lucky to have friends I can still get away with and feel 100% comfortable and not like a 3rd, 5th, or 7th wheel with. The final result was a far more relaxed, far less stressed Rich O which is a good thing

3) My final example would be A Night Out With Rich O (ANOWRO). What is ANOWRO you ask? Well, it was a crazy idea that worked out to be something special (at least in my opinion). Here's the basic genesis of it; With the onset of social network popularity amongst those of us in in 40's as opposed to those in high school or college I've started catching up with people I frankly lost touch with. It happens. What happens next is you try and get together with groups which usually has a limited degree of success for multiple reasons most of which involve synchronizing schedules. So I asked myself, Self, when was the last time a plan of this magnitude came together? The answer-my 40th birthday party and my high school reunion. Both were well organized and planned and people knew about them months in advance. The results were people were able to mark it on their calendar and arrange for baby sitters etc. Hmmm, if only there was a big event to plan around. Then it struck me! Let's make up an event! So, the first thought was Richapalooza and to get a small function room. OK, that was wicked self-indulgent even for me and the concept of a room or hall sounded too much like throwing a party for myself. Then it came to me like a bolt of lightning- I'll just tell everyone where I'd be and what time I'd be there. Come if you want, don't if you don't and called it A Night Out With Rich O! The event was promoted through Facebook and Evite about 3 months ahead of time. Well, the long and short of it is people showed up. Lot's of them. There were a few unexpected obstacles but to a person everyone who showed up told me they had fun. It ranged from friends from grade school to high school, college to current, friends I've known for decades to ones I've known for months. We laughed and smiled and caught up and drank. My face hurt from smiling so much (or maybe I did a face plant on the walk home). To me it was better then my reunion or 40th birthday as it really was all about MY friends and getting them all together in one place at the same time. I don't know if I can ever capture lightning in a bottle like that again but I'm willing to try

Many influences make us who we are as people. Family, environment, relationships, school, work, and friends. Of all these friends may be the most important as you choose who you are fiends with or who you remain friends with while many other influences you are born into or are thrust upon you. The people we surround ourselves with make up the very fabric of our lives. Every one of my friends, from the ones I see weekly to the ones I hardly see but I know are there when I need them, are a big part of my life and hope they always will be. I think the great American playwright Tennessee Williams put it best

“Life is partly what we make it, and partly what it is made by the friends we choose.”

Captains Courageous or How I Stopped Worrying and Learned to Love Shared Leadership

2010-09-02T08:09:00.003-05:00

I used to have a t-shirt with the expression "politically incorrect and damned proud of it". I usually got some kind of comment on it whenever I wore it. Truth be told I'm not politically incorrect and am in fact sensitive to people's feelings, ethnicity, religion, social standing etc. I am however not overly politically correct and have NO tolerance for the the PC police are doing to society. This will have to be one of those multi-part, sporadic blogs as the issue is so wide reaching. The thing that has spark my ire today is parents and kids sports. No, I'm not talking about the over aggressive parent who lives through his kids sporting career. Nope, that's a blog for another day. I'm talking about the parents who believe coaches should walk around on egg shells in dealing with their kids as it may damage their self esteem. Me, I'm not buying it

There was a story of a local high school this week where they have eschewed the concept of team captains chosen by their peers to "shared leadership". Look, we all know, by and large, in high school sports the captain concept is bullshit and who cares. But the deeper point is that, according to the most experienced coach involved, the athletic director was besieged with angry parents after captains were announced at the end of the year banquet screaming about why their kid wasn't picked as a captain. As she felt she was swimming upstream in a losing battle she simply gave in and and decided everyone is a captain. It's so typical. I wish this was an isolated incident but it's not

Sports for children is what it's always been, a microcosm of real life. On the positive side it teaches teamwork, problem solving, and achieving goals as well as getting healthy exercise.On the negative side they can face favoritism, low self-esteem, and grave disappointment. In other words the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat. Sounds an awful lot like...real life. But see, for some people this isn't good enough. The live with an everyone is a winner philosophy. We can't mess with our youngster's delicate psyches. We need to pump up their self esteem. So let's stop keeping score! Let's not have a winner or loser and every game is an exhibition game! Everyone plays the same amount of time no matter the talent or ability! Captain? We don't need no stinkin' captain! Everyone's a captain!! Can you see what I'm saying (mixed metaphor??)?

So you don't do sports. Fine. Your kid has a part time job and he works twice as hard as the other kids doing the same job. Should his boss treat them all equally? "I'd like to pay you more but I don't want to reward you and make your co-workers think they suck at life". Or how about in school. Let's eliminate class valedictorian, honor roll, class officers, give every kid a scholarship to whatever school they want and all but eliminate any form of grading that might bruise someone's ego. Gotta treat everyone the same! What's that? Most of this, other then the scholarship thing, is already happening to a degree? Ugh...

Bottom line. Sports can be fun and they can suck. Like life. Some people will excel better then others. Like life. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, sometimes the game will get called for rain. Like life. Honestly where do these people come from? Every day of your life is a competition. You fight your whole life for betterment. There is no way to make a better life for yourself and your family without stepping on a few toes along the way. I'm sorry but it is not an even Steven world. Someone is always winning and some always losing. There will always be leaders and followers. Nothing is given to you in life and you have to fight, struggle and claw your way through it. Like sports. Sometimes someone less worthy get's ahead for the wrong reasons. Like sports. And often you need to endure the agony of defeat to savor the sweet thrill of victory. like sports

So, let's go people. If your kid's want to play sports, let them play and stay the hell out of it. If they don't want to play, that's fine too. But get away from this namby pamby everyone wins, we're all equals, don't keep score, my kid deserves better bullshit. Let them experience all this for themselves as believe me you crying to the dean of students or the CEO of their company about being "fair" just won't cut it

R E S P E C T??

2010-08-26T15:41:00.002-05:00

As if life wasn't confusing and complex enough we're constantly barraged with unwritten rules that we are expected to know. Some of these are societal rules, some are familial rules, and some are just plain made up rules. So, how is a person supposed to figure out Well, it's not easy. I'm going to examine a few of these rules in upcoming blogs and see if we can't make sense of some of them

One of the first rules I can remember my parent's instilling in me was "respect your elders". On the surface this seems like a simple rule and easy enough to follow. Be polite and deferential to old people. Done. However, on closer examination, who are "my" elders? I mean, are they elderly folks I'm related to? Every elderly person in my circle of life? And does it have to be someone elderly? Is someone 1 year older then me my elder? What if I know for a fact a certain person older then me was scum of the earth...do I respect them? How about the concept of respect is earned, not given. I think the concept has been twisted and generalized as time as passed and we've lumped it all together as all older people are "our elders". Me, I'm not buying it (even if I do pretty much live by this rule)

I believe the expression started when "your elders" were actually YOUR elders. In many earlier societies the family unit didn't stray far and the family (or village, or tribe, or clan...) elders were revered for their experience and knowledge and often sought after for advice. Often times a major move wouldn't be made without first checking with the elders. In some society these elders are stilled revered for who they were as much as who they are. Today our family elders, while in many cases still rife with experience and knowledge, seem to have taken more of a symbolic role of the kindly grandparent a kid can go to get to yes when your parent says no (ok, a sweeping generalization). I think for most of us the elder as the oldest, wisest, most powerful member of our clan is from a time long past.

My question is this; Am I obligated to respect every person walking God's green Earth that's older then me? Does this include murderers, rapists, pedophiles, muggers, buggerers (sorry, slipped into Blazing Saddles mode) and the like? How about someone who's just plain miserable and mean spirited? If that's the case then I'm breaking this rule pretty much every day. Someone I spoke to about this likely put it best. I will give someone, despite their age, the benefit of the doubt in the respect department...until such a time as they lose my respect. From there on, again, despite their age, they will have to earn back my respect (and that's not an easy thing to do)

OK, so, I get it! I understand and live by the standards of this unwritten rule and am definitely poking fun at it's wide sweeping generality. Generally speaking we should be nice and polite to older folks. We should have a little thicker skin for their blunt, unedited opinions of us. We should bend over backward to be kind to them because, God willing, we will be them someday. Having said that, I don't care if you're 8 or 80 if you not only don't deserve my respect but have spurned my wrath, you best watch your ass pal!

Popular Myth-conceptions

2010-07-28T13:36:00.002-05:00

Being in the condition my condition is in, single, no kids, no significant other, I often hear other people telling me how great or lousy things must be based on how they see my life. I gotta tell you, most of these myths are untrue or at least untrue in my particular circumstance. For those that don't know I'm in my mid-40's, single, never married, no kids. I won't say I chose this life as much as it chose me and at this point in time I'm content with it. But, I hear a lot of people making assumptions about my life that just couldn't be further from the truth. In my example you also have to make the assumption you live alone in either a place you own or rent and are gainfully employed. Let's examine a couple of them

Myth #1- You must go out every night- False. I think even in my heyday of my mid-20's about 3 nights a week was all we could manage. I did give the 3 or 4 nights a week thing a go when I first moved to Cambridge but it didn't (it couldn't) last. The simple truth is most people who have to get up and go to work every day simply can't go out every night. More so, if you are relying on a single income to pay all your bills the idea of spending $200 plus a week on booze just isn't feasible (but it is fun). Realistically I got out 2 nights a week, 3 on a rare occasion, and sometimes, on a weekend night, I even stay in (oh the shame)!!! While I admit at times my life feels like a never ending party, it really isn't even close to one

Myth #2- With all the divorced women out there it must be like shooting fish in a barrel- False. I've yet to find this particular barrel or these particular fish. If this kind of place exists outside movies and TV I either haven't found it or I'm just a lousy fisherman (and shooter). Maybe, just maybe, I find the whole idea of people referring to formerly married women in such a condescending way ignorant. Or maybe I'm just hideously unattractive.

Myth #3- You must live off leftovers, frozen food and takeout- False. I made a pledge about 5 years ago to learn to cook and have made good on it. While a lot of what I make may not be "healthy" in the true sense of the word, it's better then prepared food as I know everything that goes in it. I make dinner at least twice a week (usually recycling each meal at least once), lunch 4 times a week, and breakfast 3 times a week. I've learned to bake a little bit and have even learned such odd crafts as making my own sauces, mayo, and even pickles. I do still balance this off with eating out a few times a week but my microwave is primarily used to reheat my own food, not something from the frozen food aisle.

Myth #4- Wow, it must be great doing what you want, when you want, with who you want to do it with- TRUE...and False. I'm not going to lie, I love the freedom and control I have over my life. I really do. To not have it at this point would be as foreign to me as life on Mars. A great example would be Sundays. I wake up whenever I wake up, make some elaborate breakfast, then see where the day takes me. Maybe I'll stay in all day watching football. Maybe I'll get to a project I've been putting off. Maybe I'll spend all day making tomato sauce and homemade pasta. Or, maybe I'll do none of the above. And guess what? I only have myself to answer to. Living alone reminds me of what one of my Canadian relatives once told me about getting things done on Prince Edward Island; "If it doesn't get done today, it will get done tomorrow. If it doesn't get done tomorrow, it might not get done at all". Yea, it's kind of like that. BUT, as Erma Bombeck put it, sometimes the grass is always greener over the septic tank. Summers and vacations in general are tough if you're not part of "something". Hearing about everyone going "here with the kids" or "here with my wife/girlfriend" can really get tiresome and make you feel crappy. Going out in groups and being the 5th, 7th, or 9th wheel can be uncomfortably humbling. And, hell, sometimes you'd trade in all the freedom in the world just to have a special someone there by your side when you really need it. Then again, sometimes you wouldn't

I'm happy with my life and I hope you are with yours. It's hard to comment on someones life until you've walked a mile in their shoes. So while there are certain preconceived notions you have about someone, in most cases the truth isn't nearly as interesting. And for every part of someones life you may be envious of remember, they may be just as envious of yours.

Talk talk talk talk all you ever do is talk talk

2010-06-29T15:04:00.004-05:00

I want to clear the air on something right off the bat; I am not a cellphone hater. Yea, I know that it seems everything I write has some axe to grind over cellphone use but I honestly don't hate cellphones. In fact, I love my cellphone. What I hate is phones and phone calls in general. I hated talking on the phone when I was a kid and hate it just as much today. Don't get me wrong, I love to talk. I talk a lot and I talk loudly...just not on the phone. You wanna go for a beer or a cup of coffee I'll talk to you until I'm blue in the face. Just not on the phone. Which leads me to my cellphone issues. People have taken what may be one of the great social inventions of the past 30 years and twisted it into this sick, twisted little device which gives it's user the power of super ignorance. People have taken the phone call, once relegated to home use, public and have no compunction about talking about the most personal and intimate things in front of other people. They just talk and talk and talk. It's like a disease or addiction. They just can't stop talking. It's mystifying. I can't do it. I honestly don't have that much important to say. There is a commercial for some cell carrier or another where the dude starts talking to his friend in NYC and ends up in rural Canada of some such bullshit. It's really not that far from the truth as some people could be on their cells while World War III was happening around them and never even take a breath. Now if you're under 30 you probably don't know any better as you've likely grown up with a cell pressed to your air. For the rest of us, we should know better. Tell the truth, when it was all pay phones and you had to pay for every call did you talk on the phone even 1% as much as you do now? No, didn't think so. Whew, that was a long opening paragraph. I know, let's do a list!!! Here's my Top 5 Things About Cellphone Use That Chap My Ass!!

1) The Check-In Call- Ugh. This is the most annoying use of phone calls. The periodic check-in with the spouse/significant other/sibling/parent etc for no real purpose at all. "Hey, just checking in. Everything ok? Good, I'll check in later". What the hell? I mean, what the hell? Is there a real reason for this call? More then anything I hate pointless calls. Calls for the sake of calling as opposed to calling for a purpose. It makes no sense to me to talk just because this is the designated time to talk. And DO NOT give me the "you haven't got wife/kids/pet turtle" argument. My dad had a wife and 6 kids and if he called once a day while he was at work that would be considered a lot. Just...please...STOP

2) The Trapped Call- Is there anything worse then being stuck somewhere and having to listen to someone phone call with no way to escape it? You're on the bus or train and someone is just droning on and on about the upcoming proposal. You're in the checkout line and the woman in front of you has been yakking non-stop the entire time to her sister about the results of her Pap Smear or some other really personal stuff. Or the meathead at the gym on the bike next to you talking so loudly on his phone to his meathead buddy about how wasted they got last night that you can't escape it even with your Ipod volume maxed. Do people have no concept of privacy anymore? Or, even more so, concept of courtesy to others? I mean surely you must realize WE DON'T WANT TO HEAR YOUR PHONE CALLS!!

3) Giving You The Finger Call- No, not THAT finger but it may as well be. I'm talking the pointer finger thrown up at you in a "just a minute" signal. Every time someone does that I want to break that finger off and stick it where the sun don't shine! So, you're saying "well, you're probably interrupting their call" which is true, I am! I'm interrupting their call because they are supposed to be working/helping me/doing something else other then making personal calls. I honestly find the "just a minute" finger" more offensive then the "f*#k you" finger as the "f*#k you" finger can be justified and out of legit anger whereas the "just a minute" finger is just plain ignorant

4) The You're Just Not That Important Call- This may actually be more ignorant then the finger. You're in a conversation with someone and their phone rings and (if you're lucky) they announce they have to take this call (other times they just take it while you're mid-sentence) reducing your importance status to lower then whale poop. Now, are there times that someone will need to take an important call rather then finishing their business with you? Absolutely. But there is simply no way every phone call someone gets is a "I gotta take this" call. My theory? It's some combination of the person on the phone represents the out of the ordinary versus the live person representing the ordinary and, at the back of their minds, people still feel that little tinge of status enhancement taking an "important" call

5) The Wish You Were Here Call- Similar but slightly different then the You're not that important call. You know that guy (or girl. For the sake of simplicity I will use the term "guy" to represent a person)that whenever you go out as a group, or are having lunch with, or invites you to his house then proceeds to take or make call after call after call to other people? People who may have had the option to be there but opted not to be there! I find the practice of talking on your phone while out with friends, family, coworkers, etc to be one of the highest forms of rudeness. We all know that guy that keeps getting up and walking away to take a call sometimes not even excusing themselves. Again, I go back and say before you had a cell phone with some kind of "minutes" plan did you constantly run out to the pay phone every 5 minutes to make random calls? Used brainwaves? Smoke signals? No, I think not you simply went out, enjoyed the company you were with and saved all phone calls for when you got home (and were alone) or at the office. The ultimate sign of the time; 4 people sitting at a table at a bar all on their phones talking to other people. Just freaking perfect!

It will never stop and will only get worse. We (as a society, not me and you) talk while driving, talk while biking, talk on the toilet, talk in the movie theater, talk while crossing busy streets, talk on the bus, talk on the subway, talk while running, talk while hiking, talk at the gym, talk at the salon, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk. Oh, and we have excuses for all the talk. It's a 24 hour work day. Bullshit! I need to keep in touch with my (kids/parents/siblings/spouse). Bullshit! It brings people closer keeping in touch on the phone. Bullshit! We simply love to hear the sound of our own voices and have eschewed common courtesy, quiet, private time, and enjoying our surroundings for the constant droning that is us talking and talking and talking and talking on our phones. Do me a favor people. Please, for the love of all that is scared, PLEASE, GET OFF YOUR PHONE!!

Perfectly ordinary, ordinarily perfect

2010-06-23T08:25:00.001-05:00

Back in the 80's there was a horrible movie called Perfect. There is nothing memorable about this movie except the one line they played over and over and over in the trailer and commercials. It was Jamie Lee Curtis (at the height of her popularity) pouting to John Travolta (at the nadir of his popularity) "What's wrong with wanting to be perfect"? Now while this movie sucked beyond all comprehension of suckiness, 25 years later that line still resonates. What is wrong with wanting to be perfect? Well, besides everything? Seriously, we've lost our damned minds as a society in striving for physical perfection. And why? First, by it's definition, it's impossible to achieve perfection. Secondly, who decided what physical perfection is? The answer to the latter is Hollywood/New York/popular culture and the like. The image of physical perfection has been set so unrealistically high it's amazing people even bother trying to emulate it. But we try, o lord do we try. Waxing and dyeing, reductions and augmentations, rhinoplasty to dental veneers. The lengths we'll go to and money we'll spend seemingly has no limitations

The biggest question I always have is who decided what the form of physical perfection is? I'm thinking it goes all the way back to the sculptors and painters of ancient Greece and Rome as most of the surviving art seems to feature males and females in the current concept of physical perfection. The washboard abs, chiseled features, 2% body fat. We never had a chance. What if those original artisans models had been flat chest women with buck teeth and uni-brows and men with beer bellies, big ears and lacking in certain physical endowments? My guess is we'd have a nation of people getting braces to cause buck teeth, eye brow implants, breast reductions, etc etc etc. Those closest to what is currently physical perfection would be the ones on the outside looking in

Here's the thing though; why can't we just be happy with how we look...within reason. I'm not condoning living an unhealthy lifestyle but otherwise why do we have to try and look a certain way? Why when we're younger do we have to look a certain way to either fit in with or accelerate past our peers? And why as we get older do we have to try and look younger. I mean, who are we trying to kid. The wrapping on the package can look all new and fancy but the present inside is still going to be old. Why can't we just say "this is me, take me as I am"?? Because we can't. We're human and we've been conditioned for 1,000's of years for how we're supposed to look and quite honestly it ain't changing any time soon. They say badly dyed hair and horrible wigs and weaves look better then the natural loss of color or of hair itself. We're told that tanned skin, bordering on orange at times, looks better than pale skin (once revered as "alabaster skin") despite the fact that all that tanning leaves you with skin the look and consistency of a wet paper bag in you golden years. They tell us this, they tell us that, they tell us what they want us to believe. And we buy what they're selling ho, line, and sinker!

I'd like to think some day we'll be able to judge each other by what's on the inside instead of the outside...hahahaha. Sorry, that was pretty funny. As humans we simply can't get past the fact that our first impression is always based on how someone looks and it's never going to change. So, until we get past that we'll just keep on waxing and tweezing, tanning and dyeing, dieting and sculpting.....

Retro Rant

2010-06-12T08:24:00.002-05:00

So I was going through My Documents on my old laptop (from my pre-Macbook days) and came across this blog I started writing a couple of years ago. As I read it I realized a lot of what I was ranting about then was actually the seeds of many of the rants I've had in the ensuing years. Some of the stuff is dated (GTA 3, Myspace, etc) but I didn't edit it other then a few grammatical issues. It ends suddenly and doesn't go on and on like most of my rants so enjoy a brief, dated, kind of familiar but not, retro Rich O rant!

I was driving the other day and randomly the song Eye of the Tiger by Survivor came on the radio. It made me sad because I remember that song and that movie (Rocky III) and remembered those as some of the last simple years of my life. Something as small as a movie or a one hit wonder song could make your summer. The simple joys of hanging with your friends after school playing street hockey, shooting hoops, or getting into trouble the like of which seems funny by today’s standards. Oh, we weren’t angels, but it was mostly good clean fun. It was a different time. We didn’t rush home after school to sit at the computer and chat for hours on end or updating our Myspace pages. We simply hung out with the people we liked and chatted with them face to face instead. The world was tiny and the idea of getting into some discussion of YouTube videos and memes with people in Topeka or Toronto just didn’t happen. We didn’t have GTA3 but we would kill each other good naturedly playing “kill the kid with the ball”. We did our best to hide when we screwed up not record it on video to share our ineptitude with the world. So much is different now I know my list would be enormous if I was to mention them all but here’s some examples (yes, a Rich list…yay):

1) Young people spending all day in chat rooms, chatting on instant messengers, playing WOW, browsing YouTube, dealing with Myspace drama etc. Now, as an approaching middle age guy, I could actually understand bored “grownups” doing this but 14-25 year olds wasting away their time like this is absurd. Even more frightening is conversations with their friends regarding what dramas are occurring in their electronics lives. Go outside, visit your real life friends, read a book, write a song, toast a Pop-Tart…just get the hell off the computer

2) When I was in high school, if we ever found one of our friends recording a video of them dancing to Soulja Boy and posting it on YouTube, he would have been the victim of the atomic wedgie from hell. I’m talking about guys. I mean, we had some semblance of self respect and most of us carried ourselves as the coolest guys in the world (we weren't we just liked to think we were) so to do something that un-cool and share it with the world…

3) A gym bag or book bag maybe during the school year would be acceptable but carrying backpack full of crap wherever you go just made no sense (the Richman was old school and carried his books under his arm). How much crap do you need to make it through the day? Every kid has an Ipod for all their music and other then schoolbooks for school, what other crap do you really need? Oh, and Ipods, we loved music too and, yes, we had music listening devices other then 8 track players, but, c’mon people, every once and a while take the fuckin ear buds out and listen to what’s happening around you, you just might learn something

4) We actually grew up and thrived without a single cell phone (ok except for those things with the huge battery packs that popped up in the late 80’s which were larger then the cordless phone in you kitchen and cost about $10 a call). It’s scary that the whole world is on the phone like, always. My 12-year-old nephew has a phone. My 10-year-old niece has a phone. While I cannot deny the safety aspect of them having phones I can’t totally condone it. But some people simply can’t stop talking. There’s a great series of commercials for stopping smoking where they show people struggling to do things they were used to doing with a butt in their mouths or hands . The same applies to phones as I swear some people have their necks permanently frozen in that phone cradling tilt they’re so accustomed to. Honestly, does anyone really have that much to talk about?

A Fractured Fable

2010-05-20T09:41:00.003-05:00

Once upon a time there lived a happy, single bear named, amazingly enough, Happy Single Bear. He lived a happy if mundane life in a magical kingdom called Cambridge. He had great friends and a great family but never met that special someone and "settled down". He was OK with that, well, at least he thought he was. At the end of an especially long week he decided he wanted to go and have a couple of his favorite bear beers, Miller Lite, and watch his favorite bear baseball team, the Bearston Red Sox. So, he said to himself "I think I will call of few of my good friends and go watch the game". So he pulled out his Bearizon Wireless cell phone and called his friends

He called his good friend Married Bear. Before Happy Single Bear could even get a word in Married Bear said "Why Happy Single Bear me and the little lady we're just talking about you. She was just saying how we need to set you up with one of her friends. You're such a great guy you really should have a great girl and maybe get married some day. Being married is the best. My life has been totally awesome since I got married. I always say a bear isn't complete until he's happily married". Happy Single Bear started thinking to himself, gee, is my life really incomplete because I am not married? He was feeling pretty bad for himself when Married Bear asked "so, why did you call"? Snapping out of it, Happy Single Bear said "oh, yea, I was wondering if you wanted to catch the Sox game and grab some bear beers tonight"? Married Bear replied "sorry no can do. The old ball-and-chain has my whole night planned out. First we're going to Ikea then we're going to watch Julie and Julia. Should be a lot of fun. Maybe some other time". Noting the beat down tone in his voice Happy Single Bear said goodbye and hung up

Next on his list was his good friend Papa Bear. Papa Bear was married and had 3 cubs. Papa Bear picked up the phone and said "why Happy Single Bear, me and Married Bear were just talking about you recently. He was saying how we need to get you hooked up and married and I couldn't agree more. Once we get that taken care of you need to start making some babies. You're not getting any younger you know. I never knew how much I'd love being a daddy but now I can't imagine being anything else but. I am a happy man". Once again Happy Single Bear starting feeling down. Was Papa Bear right? Happy Single Bear always thought he'd be a great daddy but it just never happened and now in his 40's he wasn't sure it was the right thing anymore even if opportunity arose. "so, what were you calling about" Papa Bear chipped in. "Oh, I was wondering if you wanted to go watch the Sox game" said Happy Single Bear. "No can do buddy" Papa Bear said "cub #1 has been coughing all week, I have a parent/teacher conference for cub #2 and cub #3 has lacrosse at 7:00 am tomorrow morning. We'll get together soon" Noting the exhaustion in his voice Happy Single Bear bid his friend farewell

Getting a little bummed out but determined nonetheless he pressed on and called his friend Suburban Bear. He had up and moved him and his family to the home of his dreams. Unfortunately, as far as Happy Single Bear was concerned, it was also in the middle of nowhere. Having learned from his previous mistakes this time Happy Single Bear jumped in as soon as Suburban Bear answered. "Hey Burb, wanna come down and hit the bear bar and catch the Sox game"? To which he replied "ah, I don't know. It's kind of a haul for me to come down there. Then I'd have to drive home...your couch just doesn't cut it any more...and it's just not worth it. How bout you come up here? Give me an hour to drive to the liquor store for beer and the grocery for some steaks and we'll grill out on the deck then retire to my Bear Cave to watch the game. It will be fun. You're always welcome to crash in the guest bedroom". "Ah, I was kind of in the mood to be around other bears, you know, like a bar" said Happy Single Bear. "Hap, we're getting a little old for hanging in bars" said Suburban Bear "I know you love where you live and the lifestyle but don't you think it's time to get out of the city and head for wide open spaces and fresh air? Have a nice big yard and a porch and deck to sit on? I'm telling you man, it's the life". Happy Single Bear thought about the offer for about a nanosecond before replying "Thanks man but a couple of other guys are already heading out with me (telling a white lie) so I'm going to have to pass". "Now worries friend" said Burb "by the time I'm done mowing the stupid lawn the game will be half over anyway. Talk soon"

Now Happy Single Bear was not feeling so happy. Were his friends right? Was he missing out on all the great things his friends had? Did he miss the boat by never having married, having kids and moving to the suburbs? Did his friends really feel bad for him when all along he thought, on some levels, they envied him? He was feeling too bad for himself to bother going out for the game when his phone rang and it was his buddy Other Single Bear. "yo Hap, up for catching the Sox game and a few brewski's at Bearit Bar"? Happy Single Bear broke into a huge grin and said "See your there in 15 minutes"!

And he lived happily ever after!!

But wait, this is a fable as opposed to a fairy tale so there has to be a moral to the story, right? OK, so:

Classic Moral- Be happy with who you are and don't let anyone else tell you what happiness is

Classic Rock Moral- "It's My Life and I'll Do What I Want"

Angry Moral- You worry about your stupid life and I'll worry about mine, OK?

Scooby Doo Moral- I woulda got away with my happy life if it wasn't for you meddling other bears

Haiku Moral-
Happy Bear I am
live your life I'll live mine
now it's Miller time

Movie Trailer Moral- "In a world where people are pushing their happiness on others, one single, happy bear stands alone against a firestorm of negative reinforcement"

A.D.D. Moral- If you like your life then you should...oh look, a butterfly...my car gets 30 miles to the gallon. Caribou

Times They Are a-Changin!

2010-05-13T16:36:00.002-05:00

As I get older (and better) I try not to be one of those "in my day" guys I hated dealing with when I was a kid. But I am, at least to a degree. It's unavoidable. Things change so quickly. I'm totally cool with that and am adaptive enough that I can roll with the changing tide in most cases. However, some things I simply don't get, can't accept, or make me long for the way things were. So, here is another list (I know I'm a one trick pony but hey, people dig lists) of how things have changed, the good, the bad, and the ugly. As always this is from MY standpoint and how they effect MY life, so there.

1) I want my MTV! Gosh, remember when a band wasn't a band until they had a video on MTV? Now the once great channel is a hodge podge of bad reality tv with nary an extended block of videos in sight.

2) There isn't a day goes by I don't utilize the internet for one reason or another. Truly one of the life changing developments over the past 15 years. That said I think it is the single worst thing to happen to kids. I love youtube, facebook, myspace, online games etc but my mother would have kicked our lazy asses out the door before she'd let us sit huddled around a computer looking for videos of dancing cats, skaters getting their nuts crushed and the like

3) Phone tag? What's that. Gone are the days of "ok, call so and so then call me back". Three way calling had it's time and has passed. The idea I can make plans with everyone involved via text, email, tweet, or Facebook message all from my convenience of my cell phone, without having to utter a word, is pure bliss

4) OK, not on the same level as the rest of this stuff but who was the poindexter who thought the idea of announcing bus stops on external speakers? Internal? Sure. It's awesome to know when you're on the bus to know which stop is next...but external? The people at the stop don't need to know what f'n stop they're at they just need to know where to get off. The only possible reason for external speakers is to ruin any semblance of Rich sleeping in as he loves hearing "77 Mass Ave Harvard Station blasted at 10,000 decibels every friggin morning. OK, had to get that out of my system

5) The number one movie of all time, Avatar, is available on DVD or Blu-Ray about 2 weeks after it left theaters. Gone are the days of anticipating the arrival the summer blockbusters to be available on video nearly a year after their theatrical run. Missed a big movie? Just wait a few weeks and watch it in the comfort of your own home. I'm on the fence on this one as I know a lot of people that can't get out to the movies for one reason or another so this is a big win. Me? I love the whole going to the movies thing and watching movies at home is no substitute.

6) On a similar note with all the multiplexes out there we are force fed 10 new movies every damned week. The results are movies that should never had been made, been made for TV or gone direct to video...um, DVD...urm, Blu-Ray. It's a little depressing to know if a movie like Star Wars came out today it would be #1 for about 2 weeks, out of the top 10 in 6 weeks and available for purchase in 3 months

7) Some time in the past 15 years suburban America has become the most dangerous place on Earth. I mean, it has to be because every time I ask why (insert parental type) is driving the kids everywhere I'm told that it's a different world then when we were kids. BULLSHIT! It's the same world. Just as safe and just as dangerous as when we were kids. The problem is we hear a lot more of the bad stuff that goes on now then when we were kids and as a result children are overprotected. My parents, to a point (and maybe a fault) trusted me. "Ma, I'm taking the bus to Harvard Square by myself after my last 8th grade class" . "ok, be home by dinner". There was no 50 questions, no dropping off and picking up, no 100 check in texts. It was a little taste of freedom that, I'm afraid, is lost on the current generation. Before all you parents get pissed off, I don't know how I'd be if I had kids, so save your breath

8) Vinyl gave way to tape, tape gave way to CD, CD gave way to MP3. Are we better off now? Yes...and no. I love the convenience of MP3 and other digital files and the fact I can carry thousands of songs with me on my Ipod, phone and other digital devices. I find the quality just ok but I felt the same way about CD's. While CD's were able to take full advantage of digital capabilities for multi-speaker systems the truth was the sound quality wasn't as rich as vinyl...or even tape. My only real negative about MP3 is the whole world now walks around with their ear buds in oblivious to the world around them. Me, I still like taking in the whole world of activities going on around me. Call it voyeuristic but I find people a million times more interesting then music

9) I love my lap top...all four of them. I love the mobility, entertainment and convenience they bring me at home or on the road. Having said that, I don't understand the idea of going to a public place to hang out in a crowd and spend the whole time on my laptop. Oh, I understand the whole free WiFi thing but you can get that at the library. Whats the thrill of sitting in a crowded coffee house or bar getting jacked on caffeine or well lathered with alcohol only to sit there by yourself tapping away at your keyboard. I think it's a safety blanket as people fear going out alone but if it looks like they're working it's ok. Here's an idea. Find a friendly looking bar or coffee shop, sit down and, I dunno, strike up a conversation?

10) Then we come to what I call textus interuptus. Or being Blackberried. Or whatever else you want to call it. When was the last time you went out with a group and someone, maybe everyone, mid-conversation, pulls out their phone to check and/or answer a text, email, or other message. AND they think nothing of it. There is nothing more annoying then someone "uh huh'ing" you while paying attention only to their phone. Jerry Seinfeld put it best when he said why is talking to someone while reading your messages ok but talking to someone with a newspaper in front of your face not? The art of interpersonal communication between people who are physically in the same location has been lost to the practice of communicating with those who are not present and, honestly, that's a damned shame

11) I don't think outside of cousins, etc I knew anyone outside of my hometown until high school and more likely college. It was a cozy, sheltered world. Now days between social networks, private schools, elite sports teams, and even Xbox 360 children are opened to a whole, huge world at an early age. I think, dangerous predators aside, this is a positive thing

12) Privacy is officially a thing of the past and, frighteningly, it's mostly voluntary. We are obsessed letting people know where we are and what we're doing all the time. It falls somewhere between self importance, narcissism, and boredom. Stop and thing how many times a day you Tweet or update Facebook or "check in" with whomever. I'm just as guilty. However, just so you feeling aren't hurt, the odds are pretty good if I'm out and about on my day off I'm most likely screening your call. Don't take it personally. Sometimes it's just nice to be "off the grid"

And some quick hits;

Resume's, once an art form unto itself, are now emailed
Jobs are offered and found on what breaks down to internet bulletin boards
People use credit cards for purchases below $5
Video games are rarely played in the arcade anymore but on the computer, cell phone, or $500 console for literally hours on end
Organic, sustainable, recyclable and cage free have replaced whole, skim, and diet in the lexicon of choices we need to make at the supermarket
Hair, except that on the top of one's head (for those that are lucky enough to still have it), is apparently evil as every single bit of it must be shaved, tweezed, waxed, or in some other way be removed
On the same note, bald is beautiful and gray is okay which for those who like to let nature take it's rightful path is a great thing

All right, that's enough for now. I need to walk home uphill both ways in the snow so I can watch one of 7 channels on my black and white tv

testing, testing 1....2....3

2010-05-04T15:01:00.001-05:00

Sorry, no new content just testing as it seems the rss feed is not updating everywhere

Misery Loves Company

2010-04-29T07:52:00.001-05:00

I was out to lunch with a friend recently and I made note of an older couple sitting in a booth directly in my line of sight. I'd peg them for roughly my parents age so somewhere from their late 60's to early 70's. What caught my attention about them was not that they were out to enjoy a nice BBQ meal, not their age, but how friggin miserable they seemed. They sat down, ordered their food then sat there waiting, on the edge of their seats, for their food to arrive not speaking a word to each other or even looking at each other. It was disconcerting to me as I was thinking why bother going out to dinner and be completely miserable when you can stay home and be miserable in privacy? The look on the man's face was like unto someone smelling unseen dog shit (kind of the look on Ray Allen's face...just as an aside). I had a relative of mine make that face at any event we went to when the end of the meal coffee was not in front of him the very second HE was done eating. It pissed me off when he made that face and it pissed me off when this guy made the face. The woman almost looked like she wanted to speak to him but knew it would be to no avail. I admit I became consumed with this miserable couple to the point of distraction. First I felt bad for them. Then, I felt pissed at them for not even trying. Then I felt bad for myself thinking; is this what I have to look forward to in 20 years? I left before they got their meal so maybe they were a barrel of laughs once I left.

The whole drive home it bothered me until I started thinking, wait a minute, they are my parents age but they are NOT my parents (literally or figuratively). My parents still enjoy each others company, still enjoy going out with both each other and other people. If they go out they not only talk to each other but chat up the server and anyone else they happen to encounter(maybe to a fault). They smile, they laugh, they have fun. Now I can't say what was going on in this other couple's life but I know what my parents have gone through and are still going through physically, emotionally, and psychologically and yet they still remain positive, happy, upbeat people (at least publicly haha). I hope I can emulate them and not end up miserable (ok, no snickering) like these people.

So, I say to this couple, bite me! Keep your sour-pussed, unsmiling, unhappy asses at home. Misery may enjoy company but we don't enjoy yours.

It's in the bag

2010-03-24T15:07:00.006-05:00

You've seen them. You've dealt with them. Hell, you might even BE one of them. You know, a douche-bag. Now, if you're unfamiliar with the term, and I'm talking about a person, not the actual feminine hygiene product, I'll try and define it. I'm talking about a person so reprehensible in their obvious obnoxiousness and cliched, nouveau riche existence that they don't even realize what a douche-bag they are. How do you identify a douche-bag? How do you know if you are a douche-bag? Fear not friends, here is a short list of things and ways to tell if you are a douche-bag. I like to call it "You might be a douche-bag if..."

1) You regularly use terms like "outside the box", "drill down", "future endeavors", or "on my radar" and make the air quote while saying it

2) You shovel your snow, pump your basement water, or rake your leaves into the middle of the street with complete disregard to how it affects your neighbors

3) You complain about how much insurance you have to pay on the car you only use on weekends

4) You use the word "summer" as a verb as in "we summer in the Hamptons"

5) Even in casual conversation you use only analogies pertaining to golf, skiing, boating or some other activity that most people are limited in their ability to participate in

6) You talk on your cell phone at the gym

7) You drive a Hummer. 'nuff said

8) You wear sunglasses on top of your head, or your hat, long after the sun has gone down

9) You pay $100 or more for a haircut

10) You take a contrarian view on a popular subject for the simple purpose of pissing people off. For example you wear the jersey of the quarterback facing the home team even though you have no connection to this team

11) You will have a conversation with someone while not looking them in the eyes because you're reading or composing email on your Blackberry or other smart phone device

12) You ask someone, who you know cannot afford it, if they've ever eaten at this expensive place, tried this expensive wine or this expensive scotch

13) You consider hiring a highly recommended nanny as good parenting

14) You've ever parked you car sideways, diagonally, or intentionally took up 2 parking spots in a parking lot. Likewise if you've ever parked your car in such a way as you never even considered how the person parked next to you will get in or out of their car

15) You have been thrown out of your adult hockey/baseball/softball/volleyball/etc league for throwing a hissy fit at the official

This is just the tip of the iceberg. I've probably ruffled a few feathers and pissed a few people off but like I always say, it's my blog. If you disagree, write your own. And always remember if you take anything written here as serious or something to take to heart then a) you don't know me and b) you need to get a life!!

Over and Under

2010-03-13T16:37:00.003-05:00

In popular culture we are told what's hot and what's not, what's in and what's out, what we should be doing and what we shouldn't be doing. Me, I'm not buying it. So much of the crapola we've been force fed into believing is gospel is completely overrated. On the other hand there has been some amazing people, places and things that have gone under the radar that deserve more credit then they've gotten. In other words they are underrated. With that in mind here is my totally random, totally opinionated, overrated vs underrated list:

Overrated- NASCAR
Underrated- UFC

Overrated- Lebron James
Underrated- Manny Pacquiao

Overrated- The Seattle grunge sound
Underrated- Early 80's power pop

Overrated- "Scarface"
Underrated- "Miller's Crossing"

Overrated- Tapas
Underrated- Soul Food

Overrated- Reality TV
Underrated- USA network original programming

Overrated- "Entourage"
Underrated- "Curb Your Enthusiasm"

Overrated- James Patterson
Underrated- George Pelecanos

Overrated- "Twilight"
Underrated- "True Blood"

Overrated- Lady Gaga
Underrated- David Bowie

Overrated- Pickup Trucks
Underrated- Fuel Efficient Sub-Compacts

Overrated- St Patrick's Day, New Years Eve, Night Before Thanksgiving
Underrated- A random night in a quiet bar with your best friends

Overrated- Relationships
Underrated- Being single

Overrated- Pearl Jam
Underrated- Red Hot Chili Peppers

Overrated- The beach
Underrated- The mountains

Overrated- NYC, LA
Underrated- Philly, Chicago

Overrated- Vacationing in the Tropics
Underrated- Holidays in Ireland

Overrated- Barnes and Noble
Underrated- The library

Overrated- Windows
Underrated- Mac

Overrated- High School
Underrated- College

Overrated- Catcher in the Rye
Underrated- A Separate Peace

Overrated- The 70's
Underrated- The 80's

Overrated- WWF (World Wildlife Foundation)
Underrated- WWE (World Wrestling Entertainment)

Overrated- Being single
Underrated- Relationships...hmmm,sounds familiar, yet not...

Overrated- Blogs
Underrated- THIS blog ;-)

Well, that's the list...I'm sure a lot (most) of you disagree but hey, start your own list. The way I feel is Overrated- Your opinion, Underrated- MY opinion

The Golden Wedgies, 2010

2010-03-04T18:37:00.002-05:00

So, one of my earliest blogs was what I called The Golden Wedgie Awards. It was my version of the Academy Awards or maybe closer to the Darwin Awards. Here is how I summed it up back then:

I feel I just haven’t been raging against stupid people enough recently so figured it was time to catch up. I’m announcing the first recipients or the Rich O Golden Wedgie Awards. For the uninitiated, a wedgie is a form of torture and humiliation usually dispensed on teenage boys by bullies or as part of a “welcoming” ritual. The procedure is usually grasping one by the back of their underpants and pulling with great force and velocity pulling said underwear into ones “anal cleft” causing great pain, discomfort and yes, humiliation. Naturally it works best if the person is wearing briefs or “tighty whiteys” as boxers simply don’t give the same effect. For the purpose of these awards, neither men nor women shall be spared from my wrath. Many of you insane enough to have been reading my crap for the last couple of years will recognize some of these repeat offenders. That said, on to the Wedgies:

At the time I promised there would be more Golden Wedgies but somehow it didn't happen...until now. If you're interested in reading the original, it's still up here: http://richosravings.blogspot.com/2006/06/golden-wedgies.html

On to the Wedgies!

* Most annoying use of a parked car- This goes to the Executive Parker. You know, they are so important and what they're doing is so important they simply park where they want, including making their own spots, regardless of whoever else it inconveniences. Double parking, handicapped parking, parking in an area designated for 2 way traffic narrowing it down to just one. These are just the tip of the iceberg for our winner, the Executive Parker

*Most annoying use of a cell phone in a speaking role- It was a close call but just edging out the Checkout Line Yapper is the Just Plane Ignorant Caller. Is there anything more annoying on a flight then the person who absolutely, positively must continue to talk on their phone until the flight attendant has to pry it from their cold, dead hands? Yes, the person who has to get on their phone again the second the plane lands. I mean the very second. And everyone around them is forced to listen to their stupid freaking call. And, worst of all this is the typical call(s); "hi, we're just taking off. My car is at the airport so I'll be home around 8:00" followed by "Hi, we just landed I'm headed to pick up my car and should be home by 8:00".

*Most annoying use of a cell phone in a texting role- The Cinematic Sinner. Movie theaters are dark. Cell phone screens are bright. When bright meets dark, annoyance ensues. No matter how far forward you lean or cover up, I can SEE you texting and it's ruining my movie experience so please, STOP. There is light (pun intended) at the end of the tunnel as they now ask you to refrain from phone call and texts during the movie so I'm sure this will help...right?

*Most annoying unhappy customer at a retail chain- The Rabid Repeater- He's unhappy about something. The manager expresses sympathy but explains it's store policy. Not happy with that, he states his case again and again to apologies but no change in what they can do. Not happy he complains to the guy stocking shelves, the woman at checkout and yes, even other customers because by god he's getting his pound of flesh one way or the other.

* Most annoying performance at a restaurant by an employee- High Hat Harry/Harriet- One of my favorite parts of going out to eat is the service staff. Hard working people making an honest living. That is until you go to a fancier or pricier place and these people, working for tips, take one look at you and decide this place is above your pay scale. Don't look or talk down on me because you WORK at a classy establishment or I'll kick your WearGuard wearing, Ford Escort driving, still have roommates even tho I'm in my late 30's ass all the way back to TGIFridays

*Most annoying performance at a restaurant by a customer- Lower Then Pond Scum Louis/Louise- "Treat everyone as you would like to be treated yourself" as an adage goes out the window when you're out to eat. A perfectly normal person who would never cuss out a friend, family member, or coworker publicly has no compunction about doing this to the person who delivered their meal or drink wrong. This is of course because the server is imperfect while Louis/Louise is perfect. This is because the server is simply not to your level of society so they deserve to be treated as the lower form of life you feel they are

*Most annoying performance by a pet owner- Stupid Selfish Shnauzer Shopper. Leave your dog at home. I'll say it again LEAVE YOUR DOG AT HOME!! I don't care if the pretentious, ass kissing store is "pet friendly" (which really means dog friendly as I think if someone brought their Komodo Dragon with them it would be less then friendly), leave your dog at home. Let alone that there are millions of people who are allergic or have a phobia to dogs, it's just plain ignorant. I, simply put, don't want your dirty ass dog walking around anywhere I'm going to buy food. Period

OK, I'm out of steam and need to simmer down so that's it for now but trust me, there will be more and it won't be 3 years before I write about them

The Secret Of My Success

2010-02-25T18:31:00.002-05:00

So I was having a conversation with my dad one day and one thing led to another and we got on the topic (as we always seem to) of how much more I could do if I applied myself. He doesn't say this in a mean way he just see's his kids in a certain light and wants them to have done better then he did. Then he said something that surprised me. He said I could have been the CEO of a company had I set my mind to it. I took it as both a compliment and a back handed compliment. The I thought about and and said "what in my personality makes you think I'd ever want that kind of life??". It got me thinking what is success? What makes one person successful and one person not? And who decides who is considered a success and who a failure. Like most things, success is in the eye of the beholder but often judged by popular culture

I got out of college smack in the middle of the "greed is good" era so that was ideal for success of the time. Ruthless, cutthroat business, 70 hour work weeks, stepping on whoever it was needed stepping on. The work was trying but the rewards were great. You'd ride this out into your 40's then cruise the next 10 years and retire at 50. How'd that work out? Needless to say, life didn't go that way for most of us but does that mean we weren't successful? Is a Harvard grad working for a Fortune 500 company pulling down a million a year more successful then a guy who owns his own plumbing company? Then a small business owner servicing his local community for 30 plus years? Then a school teacher molding young minds? Then a mother of four making just enough to scrape by? Then someone who measures success simply by another day above ground? If success is measured in dollars and cents then, yes, he is. If it's based on quality of life, maybe not. I could argue either way.

The bottom line is success, much like happiness or beauty is in the eye of the beholder. For every person that thrives on long hours, titles, prestige and position at the cost of little or no family life there is the guy and his wife pulling down $60,000 combined with 2 healthy children who leave work behind the second they walk out the door. For every person who lives for team building exercises, memo's about the lunch room fridge and inter-office instant messaging there is a guy doing manual labor for 8 hours and leaves work with a smile on his face. For every breakfast meeting, power lunch and client dinner there is someone brown bagging it in the morning and home for dinner with his family every night. No, I'm sorry, there is no clear definition of success. Success is what you want it to be, not what movies, TV, books or newspapers say it is

So, do I consider myself successful? I've been gainfully employed for 21 straight years and while not my dream job I make enough to own my own place and enough extra to enjoy life. While I never married or had kids, work had nothing to do with that and I always find time for friends and family. Could I have chosen a different path? Could I still choose a different path? Sure, but if I don't I have no regrets. So, if quality of life is the ultimate measure of success then hell yeah, I'm one successful S.O.B!

Memory Motel

2010-01-20T16:18:00.009-05:00

Why is it that the older I get the more I forget important, pertinent things but can remember obscure, useless things from 20, 30 years ago like as if they happened yesterday? Why can I remember the 1st 8-Track I bought (Kiss-Destroyer) but not my mom's birthday? That I can remember playing the board game Uncle Wiggily with my friend Bill back in grade school but not my checking account number which I've had for 15 years? Maybe the hard drive in my brain is just full and rather then writing over all the old, stupid stuff in there the new stuff just doesn't have room. Here some examples of stuff I can't get rid of but no longer need:

1) From Mrs. Clancy's 7th grade English the first column of prepositions we had to memorize; aboard, about, above, across, after, against, along, among, at, before

2) That The Cat Came Back even tho they thought he was a goner (ZOOM reference)

3) My friend Ted's phone number. I won't print it here but I haven't dialed it since 1984

4) That when my friend got his first car the previous owner left behind the 8-Tracks (and yes, they were wayyyy dated by then) Bad Company, Bad Company, Bad Company, Straight Shooter, Boston, Boston, and Janis Joplin, Greatest Hits

5) The fact there was never a logical conclusion to Danger Island on the Banana Splitz (uh oh, Chongo)

6) The words to pretty much every song in the movie Blazing Saddles

7) Buying the 3 books of Ursuala LeGuin's Earthsea Trilogy at the Ottoson Book Fair

8) Winning a creative writing contest and getting a gift certificate to Lauriats and with the money I bought a pen and writing pad

9) That the popular Count Chockula and Frankenberry character cereals had a less popular team member named Booberry and a totally obscure member known as Froot Brute. Seriously

10) That Long John Silvers had a game card/maze puzzle promotion where the grand prize was an Instamatic camera

11) That McFebruary was a very special month at McDonald's

12) That my 8th grade permanent substitute teacher has a best friend he called Sketts which was short for Spaghetti Head

13) My parents buying (here it is again) the 8-Track Roberta Flack Killing Me Softly

14) That the first "micro" computer I ever touched was a Tandy TRS80 which used audio cassettes for storage

15) That the Jickets will beat the Squeegees on Saturday afternoon...even if grandma dies (go ahead, see if you get THAT reference)

16) That my parents once hosted a weight loss club called the Roly Polys and that the person who lost the least weight each week had to wear a sign that said "Iggy Wiggy I'm a Piggy" and they consumed mass quantities of Tab before anyone discovered it caused cancer in laboratory rats

17) That if I wanted to send it to ZOOM I need to send a SASE to Z-double O-M Box 3-5-0 Boston, MA 0-2-1-3-4!

18) That everything counts when you're building a house of cards

19) I can still say "Moses supposes his toeses are roses but Moses supposes erroneously" which was the toughest tongue twister in the adult board game Passout

20) The time my 1st grade teacher asked the class to find out who thier parents voted for in the Nixon/McGovern election and being upset when I was the only kid who's parents voted for Nixon (who won by the way)

21) My sister bringing me into her class when I was in Kindergarten telling the teacher I could Irish Step Dance (which I couldn't)

22) That Mr Rourke was far edgier and less friendly in the original TV movies Fantasy Island and Fantasy Island II

23) That the character Enos Strate from the Dukes of Hazzard was played by actor Sonny Shroyer

24) That the coolest action figure of all time was The Whip who was part of Big Jim's Action P.A.C.K

25) That the coolest Creature Double Feature EVER was the Giant Majin where a giant statue in feudal Japan came to life to stomp the crap out of the bad guys menacing the peaceful villagers

OK, I need to stop. Seriously, I need to stop! This is starting to scare me. Not 1 of the 25 thoughts I just relayed will do me any good EVER yet are emblazoned in my mind. Now ask me what I remember from 4 years of college...

Playing Catch Up- Random Observations

2010-01-18T12:41:00.002-05:00

Wow, so I haven't updated since before Thanksgiving. Between work getting busier and holiday obligations that come along with being from a large family I simply haven't had time to sit down and gather my thoughts. Between Thanksgiving and my high school reunion all the way through New Year I've noticed a lot of things. Rather then bore you (and me) with a recap I'm just going to list some random thoughts I had during this time period

- Despite what poets and singers have stated, you can indeed go home again. I've had the opportunity of late, between my reunion and other opportunities, to catch up with people I hadn't seen and in some cases even thought about for ages and in every case it was absolutely a great experience. I know when you see people you haven't seen for a long time talk of seeing each other again soon rarely happens but I hope in a few cases it holds true

- I always hate January 2nd as holiday season if officially over. No, it's not any great love of specific holidays, it's the fact that the general good mood of people comes to a rapid end. Everyone just seems a lot nicer to each other and happier in general from mid-December to early January

- On the other hand, holidays can be a painful reminder for the lonely and alone. There is something about having someone special to enjoy holidays with. Me, I've gotten used to it an am happy that I have so many great friends and family to spend my time with

- The flu is an epidemic. Well, I'm not talking about he spread of the flu but the epidemic of people overreacting to it. Look, I'm not dismissing the seriousness of either the flu or swine flu but the fact of the matter is people get the flu every year and people, unfortunately, die from the flu every year. What's disturbing is the lengths people are going to to avoid getting the flu. Not shaking hands? Not hugging people? Dousing themselves in Purell? I got some news people. The money in your pocket and the doorknob you touch are far more germ laden then and hand you may shake.

- To me a perfect holiday is one when there is no tension, no fights, and no drama. Holidays 2009; mission accomplished

- Despite myself I'm actually getting good at this whole cooking and baking thing. And you know what? People really do appreciate it when you make them something more then if you buy them something

- There is nothing quite as eye opening as when you truly learn where you stand with friends and what they really think of you

- I really don't care about New Year's Eve anymore. I've always called it amateur night (along with St Patrick's Day and the night before Thanksgiving) but still always found it important to "do" something. But after being sick last year I realized missing it was no bug deal and that I'd rather spend that night sitting around laughing with friends then going out among the throng of 3 times a year party people!

Well, that's it for now

Older and Wiser

2009-11-18T22:26:00.005-05:00

As I march headlong toward my 25th high school reunion (egad) I pause to think about the concept of getting older, not getting old. Why are we so hung up on getting old? Let's face it, from the time we're cognizant of age we know we're going to get older. Just a fact. So, why does it bother us so? I mean, just look around people, the signs are out there. "age is just a number", "40 is the new 30, etc", and the like are some of the most overused cliches out there. But are they simply cliche? I say thee nay. I say we need to stop sweating getting old and embrace it. I know for myself, and yes, I know I'm hardly atypical, some of the best years of my life have been the last 5 years or so. Why? I guess my theory is I now have the means to do things I couldn't when I was younger, I'm not as single minded as I was when I was younger and enjoy a wider variety of things, and I simply like 40 something Rich better then 20 something Rich and that's important. So, despite the creaking joints, white hair and expanding midriff, I really don't have a problem getting older

Why do we hate getting older? It's not like your life is over, it's just getting better. Let's face it, older and wiser go together like, um, Bud and weiser. So being wiser means making better use of what you still have. So, can you still go out to clubs and bars? Sure, just avoid going to places you went when you were 25 as guess what? Everyone there is still 25. Maybe you can't run 6 miles but you can still run 3 (or walk 2). Maybe you can't make last call anymore but certainly you can stay out until midnight. Right? And while you may not be the stud athlete you were in high school you can still go hard enough that you can look at your kids and sneer "let's see if you can still go like me when your my age"

No, I think the biggest reason we hate getting old is we hate LOOKING old. Since recorded history we have been presented with an image of what male and female perfection is and have strove to attain this. Society paints a picture most of us can never hope to match but we try. When we're young we can pretty much look pretty good with a little work. But as we age it becomes harder. So what do we do? We dye our hair, we wear toupees. We look to miracle creams and drugs to do everything from slimming our waistlines to removing wrinkles. And why? To fool someone into thinking we're younger then we are? I know someone will say we do it for our own self esteem which is fine but there is also something to be said about being happy with who you are. Your grey hair doesn't say old it says mature. Your receding hairline says experienced. Your wrinkles are from a life time of smiles. Plus, we finally live in a society where being grey, bald, or heavy no longer carry the negative connotation they once did (Thank you George Clooney, Michael Jordan and Oprah). It is what it is people, it is what it is

So, in conclusion I say make the most of whatever age you are. Throw out the Just For Men and lose the combover. Get those pants one size bigger. You deserve it. Grab life by the lapels and scream "So I'm 40, what the fuck are you going to do about it". Take control of your oldness and don't ever say "I'm too old to..." because if you do, then you really are

The Parent Trap

2009-11-12T11:24:00.003-05:00

So, just to get it out of the way, I love my parents. They have been and remain two of the most important people in my life. They are not just family but also friends and confidants (wow, there’s that Andrew Gold song again). Almost without exception when I have something bothering me my mother (in particular) or father are the first people I go to. I feel lucky and blessed to have this relationship and that both are still around for me. So you’re saying “um, ok, doesn’t everyone love their parents”? Well, the answer is no, not everyone does. I have some friends who have grown up with horrible, contentious relationships with their parents for one reason or another, some justified, some not. But what I find hard to comprehend is when formerly great relationships with ones parents grow strained to the point of not speaking. I have two friends who recently confided in me they were not speaking to one or both of their parents. As explanations were not offered, and I’m not one to pry, I don’t know the actual reason but typically it seems to come down to money or, more often then not, issues with a significant other that strains the parental relationship

So, maybe I’m the exception but my family’s opinion, my parent’s in particular, means a lot to me. It doesn’t mean I’ll always agree with them but by and large we tend to be on the same wavelength. Ultimately, I am my own man and make my own decisions based on what’s best for me. However, I don’t know that I could commit to a relationship that would put me at odds with the very people who helped mold me into who I am today. Now, love is a funny, wacky, illogical thing that makes one do things they didn’t think they were capable of. I guess sometimes it comes down to familial love versus relationship love and people are forced to make hard, life-altering decisions. It just has to be an awful, sickening feeling to have to be put in that position. To have to sacrifice one love for another has to be the hardest choice there is

I guess where I struggle with the concept is I don’t know if at this point I could spend the rest of my life with someone my family disapproved of or worse, disapproved of my family. I’m in a different place then a lot of people still being single in my 40’s so my familial relationship, which was already important, has grown even more important over the years to the point I think I’d be incapable of being involved with someone that would put that relationship at odds. But, I guess it could happen. I love talking big about loyalty and family and the like but if push came to shove, could I pick true love for someone over my family? Honestly, I don’t think I could and I’m not sure what that says about me. Is it love for my family? Is it a crutch for avoiding relationships? Or am I just a typical Irish catholic kid how loves his mom and dad and wouldn’t do anything to damage that relationship? I don’t know but at this point I don’t see a scenario arising where I’ll have to make that decision so it’s all good.

The Mourning After

2009-10-21T20:57:00.003-05:00

"There's nothing fair about who lives and who dies". This was a great line from a terrible movie when Kurt Russell's character uttered it in the horrible remake of the Poseidon Adventure. But, the line has resonated with me ever since. I find myself repeating it every time I or someone I care about loses someone close to them. There's nothing fair about who lives and who dies. I've been thinking about this a lot lately. I sometimes look at my family and am amazed by how many we've lost. I mean, gosh, I'm only in my early 40's and I think I've been to more family funerals then wedding in the past 20 years. I'm not kidding. I sometimes think I've had it hard or bad and get all "why me (us)"??? But then, as I listen to other people's losses I realize quite simply there is nothing fair about who lives and who dies. We are born with the inevitability that we are all going to die and how we cope with it determines how we live our lives

There is nothing harder to cope with then loss of a loved one. It is however the way we cope with loss that defines who we are. When you lose someone you hear it all. "I'm sorry for your loss", "they're in a better place", "their suffering is over" and the like. People who love us tell us this to make us feel better about our loss. In my humble opinion, it doesn't help. However, knowing people care about you and how you're feeling does help. You cry, you mourn, you cry some more, you feel sorry for yourself, you go through the period of overwhelming guilt, and you cry some more. Then its time to move along

I'm not being cold, hard, or callous but simply put you need to get on with life. Those with an inability to do so end up end up spending the rest of their lives amongst the dead instead of the living. In fact, I'd think it the ultimate disrespect for the person you lost if they knew you were structuring your days around missing them. The best way to honor the dead is to go on living. It's a fine line between mourning and remorse but everyone deals with loss differently. You need to let go of the guilt often associated with death of a close one that is sometimes known as survivors remorse. Even in those rare cases when someone feels it was their fault, at the end of the day you have no control over the grand scheme of who lives and who dies. The bottom line is there is NOTHING fair about who lives and who dies but the living must go on with their lives

I'm not the same person I was before living through so many losses. I know this. I think part of me is better through loss. I like to think I've taken something from everyone I've lost and bettered myself with it. The literal negative into a positive. In the end life is tenuous at best and all of us will have our number come up some day, hopefully later then sooner. It's what we do with the time we have on earth that truly makes life worth living. So, no, there is nothing fair about who lives and who dies but it is our ability to cope with these devastating losses that make us who we are to our family and friends.

Thankk You for Being a Friend

2009-10-16T10:12:00.002-05:00

From July 07. Another one of those me defining things in my world kind of things.

Defining what a friend is can be difficult as people all have different ideas of what a friend is and how to be a friend. I guess the simplest definition would be a person who means a lot to you and vice-versa but is not related to you either by birth or marriage. Well, that is not always true as I have sisters and a mother who are amongst my best friend's and, realistically, unless things have gone to hell, your significant other should be amongst your best friends. As someone mostly always single and likely to be, friends are very important to me. More important at this point then any relationship I might find myself in. This could change but I also think it's just what I'm used to as I'd at this point rather spend casual, fun, good times with my friend's then the awkwardness of starting a new whatever. Rather then go on a long boring rant I will use the ever popular list format to define what a friend is to me.

A friend is someone you would do anything for as long as it didn't go against your personal beliefs or morals. (And sometimes even then). To wit, a friend would never ask you to do anything that would compromise your personal beliefs of morals.

A friend is someone you think of during the course of every day somehow. You may not realize it but this is true. Nary a day goes by I don't have a thought, memory, or mind jog that doesn't remind me of one of my friends

Friendship, to me, is earned not just claimed. I've always hated how on Myspace or Facebook you add "friends". To me you add people who may or may not become friends. I'm an easy guy to like and get to know and have an uncanny sense of people's true character but still, you need do more then know me to become my friend. I have people I rarely see who are friend's, people I see all the time who aren't and in a few, rare cases, people I've never met in the flesh (so to speak) who are.

A friend is someone who, no matter how long it's been since you've spoken or seen each other, you are never uncomfortable towards or at a loss of words with.

A friend knows when to talk, when to listen, and when to say nothing at all

A friend is capable of putting you in front of them when it is called for. A person who only needs someone when they are distressed or when it benefits them is a one-way friend. This is something I cannot tolerate. Life is give and take and being a real friend means you are there for your friends when they need you, not only when you need them. I absolutely hate people incapable of adding anything to a friendship

A friend would never lie to you even if it were "for your own good". That's a breach in trust and therefore breaking the friendship

A friend is like a husband or wife in that they are there for better or worse, through sickness and health and all that other marital crap

A friend would never let a relationship ruin a friendship. Period. It may be altered but never ruined.

A friend can say "I love (small L) you" without feeling stupid

Friendship and loyalty go hand in hand (see first statement)

Friends would put themselves in harms way to protect you. I know I always say I'd take a bullet for a friend and while I hope I never have to, I honestly think I would.

You cannot hold a long grudge with someone who is or was a true friend unless they did something completely egregious or physically harmful to you or your family. The way I figure is some small indiscretion, no matter how major it seems at the time, cannot undo what made you friends to start with

A friend knows what you're thinking or what your mood is without even having to ask

I could go on and on but won't. I guess my bottom line is it isn't much work to be a friend but to be a good friend takes some effort. We've all had selfish, one way, shitty friends and have all probably been selfish, one way, shitty friends. I've been blessed with some great friends. I realized this past year people I long considered friends really weren't as looking back over time they never once went out of their way for me and only needed me for their own ends. Fine, seeya, don't let the door hit your ass on the way out. I also had acquaintances become some of my closest friends and have made several new friends. Life is just like that. A wise man once told me high school friends would always be friends by friends you make after would be friends for life. That hasn't been 100% true but has merit. I've come to realize my place in life is to be a friend and I think I do it pretty darn well. I might never be a great boyfriend, lover, husband, or father but to know I'm a good friend, faults and all, I can live with that!

Please excuse the lame...ok, I actually love it for it's lameness... Andrew Gold song in the title

The Decline Of Western Civilization

2009-10-15T09:57:00.002-05:00

From October 2006. Certainly a lot less intense and introspective then the last few I've re-posted. Hope you enjoy it

I always wondered if I’d recognize what’s wrong with the word if I saw it. The other day I stared it right in the face; Abercrombie & Fitch. This company once legendary as supplier of top end outdoor gear has become a showcase for what society has become; image is everything, thin is in, and beautiful people are better then non-beautiful people. OK, it’s not as bad as I let on, but cripes, did I feel out of place.

I needed to go to A & F to pick up a gift card for someone obviously younger then me. So I set off to the Burlington (MA) Mall to get it done. At first I thought it was closed for renovations as all the display windows were covered by something resembling storm shutters. However I realized the rumbling electronica music I was hearing was not from the mall sound system but coming from A & F. So, I warily step into the open doors and the music is, frankly, deafening. I’m not being some old prude when I say this as I have attended concerts and been to clubs that would make your ears bleed. But, for a retail store, it was ridiculous. So, I proceed to find a register and sales associate to get my gift card and get the fuck out of there. Well, apparently you need to be a size 1 to work there as a woman and have wavy hair and abs as a guy. The first 2 I encountered couldn’t even look up from their convo to acknowledge my fat ass. So, I wandered aimlessly until I found a counter with someone working (another size 1 apparently). I waited 5 minutes for her to fold 2 pair of pants into a bag and cash out the young couple in front of me. I tell her I need a gift card for $100. She says “what?” over the din of the afore mentioned music. So I repeat, I need a gift card for $100. And she says “oh, sure a gift card, for how much”. I roll my eyes and say, um, $100? Now I am instructed to pick out a gift card. My choices are two hot women, a guy and girl kissing, what appeared to be 2 guys about to kiss, etc. So I pick one and hand it to her and she asks “so, how much do you want the gift card for”?

There is no moral to this story. The place simply made me feel old, fat, and out of place. So, pretty much it was reality. I guess more then anything it bothered me that it so flew in the face of the “rules of retail” yet is one of the most successful clothing retailers on the planet. You simply don’t cover your display windows, don’t play music so loud you need to repeat yourself constantly, and you don’t ignore customers and remain successful. Yet, A & F not only flourishes but also has become a pop culture icon. Maybe I’m just plain getting old and out of touch, well, actually I am and I’m not sure it bothers me

Tilting at Windmills

2009-10-14T11:46:00.002-05:00

This was also from Fall of 2007. Probably written under the same circumstances as the "hypocrisy" blog. Maybe I reached my creative peak in 2007?? Pretty introspective really

The expression tilting at windmills or more commonly, fighting windmills, is derived from the tales of Cervantes legendary Don Quixote and his delusion filled life as a chivalric knight doing good deeds for no other reason then the glory of it and/or the love of a woman who more then likely didn’t exist. The problem was that what he fought wasn’t real and those he helped didn’t need or want it. Most notably was when he told loyal companion Sancho Panza his intent to fight those “giants” only to have Sancho point out they were not giants but simply windmills. Undaunted and unbelieving, Quixote fought the hapless windmill to a draw. Tilting at windmills has since become a euphemism for anyone fighting an imaginary enemy or fighting for something that simply doesn’t exist. While most considered Quixote a fool there is something simple, noble and brave about him and his approach to life and what is important to him.

For the past several years I’ve been tilting at windmills more then I care to admit. I let my most endearing traits (at least I hope so haha), which are also my fatal flaws, of loyalty, friendship, and love cloud my judgment and led to me fighting my own windmills. And yes, despite the efforts of many of my own personal Sancho’s, I’ve continued to believe things to be what they aren’t, never were, and likely never will be. I’ve longed and wished and hoped and tried but no amount of wishing, hoping, or positive thinking could make my delusions a reality. Things simply are what they are and it’s high time I realized this. In life, quite simply, no matter what your level of loyalty, friendship, or love, if that isn’t returned, to some above average degree, then keep lining up those windmills for us to run headlong into. I feel like the fool that most people labeled Quixote but sometimes wonder if there isn’t something noble and chivalric about the way I treat those I care about despite the hurt that comes along with these feelings often not reciprocated.

I’m not saying I won’t still hope and dream. Hell, I’m one of the biggest dreamers I know and always will be. If we didn’t dream what would be the point of dragging our sorry asses out of bed every day? What I need to do better is separate truth from fiction, delusion from reality and those that truly care for me from those only capable of caring for themselves. I have often said if you lower your expectations you’ll never be disappointed. Well, that’s cynical even for me and I don’t want to live that way any more. I need to spend more time in the “real” world and less time in the hopeful, pretend, wish-it-could-be world. Mostly I need to be a better judge of people and situations. All that said, by and large I like myself, my set of morals and values so that’s not likely to change.

My name is Rich and I’m a windmill tilter. I’m not sure if that’s a good or bad thing but for better or worse it’s who I am.

Taking the Hypocritic Oath

2009-10-13T13:20:00.005-05:00

From September 2007; I think this was far and away the longest blog I had written to date. As I re-read it there were some obvious run ones etc but the gist of the story reads true. From the tone of the story I was venting my spleen about relationships. Go figure

I'm going to tell it like it is when I tell you each and every one of us is a hypocrite. There is no getting around it. In fact, most people are hypocritical in some way, sort or fashion nearly every day. You shake your head at the ill behaved children at the table next to yours while out eating and then let your own kids run wild. You support your political party until as such a time as they support something that goes against you. You get angry when no kindly person will let you pull out in to traffic and yet when the opportunity arises for you to do the same you pretend you don't see them. Stop and think for a minute. You know it's true.

In reality life is hypocrisy. Nearly everything that happens in the course of the day we are hypocritical of or someone is hypocritical (or maybe just plain critical) of us. We go to church then lie, steal and do lord knows what else. We wear sealskin boots to a save the whales rally. We recycle everything paper or plastic in our homes and drive S.U.V.'s that get 1 mile to the gallon. There is simply no way to avoid it. We tsk tsk about our friends not visiting sick parents enough until we are in the same situation. We talk behind the back about the youngster showing up at work a wreck from drinking the night before and seem to forget all the times in the past (maybe even the present) we showed up in similar or worse condition. We are walking talking fleshy bags of hypocrisy.

I think where most of us are hypocrites is when it comes to relationships. Be it friends, family, or significant others we all say one thing then do just the opposite so often. How often does "til death do us part" actually hold up? We say, "I love you" and weeks later we aren't speaking. We say, "We'll always be friends" and haven't communicated in months. We'll never let a relationship stand in the way of your friends then we can't talk anymore because he/she doesn't like it and we can't find time for our best friends. We love being single and hate being tied down and checking in with someone at every turn then we can't make a move asking him/her. We are hypercritical (notice the spelling) about someone cheating on someone then turn around and do the same if it benefits us. You're even hypocritical about being hypocritical. We all know (or have been) the person who "hates people who drop their friends when they get in a relationship. I'd never do that" then, of course at the first opportunity does. Sorry people, in some way we're all guilty as charged.

The bottom line is life makes hypocrites of us all. Things change. Shit happens. Life changes and evolves so what was true yesterday may not hold up until tomorrow. There's no way around it. Being hypocritical is different then lying (a blog for another day) in that at the time you state something you likely think it's true. I'm not singling out any person or persons nor pointing fingers because if I were I'd be pointing in the mirror. You were happy being single until mr./miss right came along. You meant, "til death do us part" until you're spouse did something simply inconsolable. You meant, "I love you" until you realized you didn't mean it. You never thought you'd let a relationship get in the way of your friend but you did. You honestly thought having kids wouldn't change what you did and whom you did it with (this also probably falls into the ignorance category). You meant to be friends forever but both people's lives got too busy. A new job, a death in the family, a car accident, moving, marriage, divorce, kids, etc. Every one of these things can affect what was once true that no longer is. Very few people can truly live up to their word forever and honestly, can they be expected to?

I've tried hard to not be too hypocritical myself by trying to choose my words and actions wisely but like I said, shit happens. I have let friend's drift away on the one hand and on the other I told a girl to hit the bricks when I was to decide between her and my best friend. Sorry toots, no contest there. I am happy being single and will holler it to the heavens but I met someone who almost changed my mind. Almost. I've only said "I love you" to anyone once and meant it. Still do. I've said I'd take a bullet for a true friend and meant it. So, I'm going out on a limb. Mark this date and these words. I will most likely be single forever and am happy about that. I will never lose my friends over a woman. I will always have time for my friends no matter how seriously I get involved with anyone. I will never cheat on someone I'm in a relationship with. I will always be there for my true friends and family no matter how far we seem to have drifted and no matter what they need me for. I actually think I can do this (most likely as the first statement kind of negates the most of the rest) and if I can't, gentle readers, I want you to rain down upon me with great vengeance and furious anger

The Musical Question

2009-10-12T11:00:00.002-05:00

From September 2006; This has been a fascination of mine and an inside joke since summers on the Cape in the early 90's and the subject of many a hungover breakfast

Musicals are those strange worlds where at the drop of the hat people go from speaking and moving normally to singing and dancing to express their feelings. Everyone’s seen Grease, Singing in the Rain, Chicago, the Music Man, the Wizard of Oz, or more recently, High School Musical. Did you ever stop to notice the bit players tho? You know, the ones who have little to do with the main characters but join in the singing and dancing because they are obligate to do so? It’s simply the law of Musical Land. So, it got me to thinking, what if life WAS a musical??

I think it would be aggravating as hell. I mean, sure, if it’s you singing out and all those around you are joining in the singing and dancing that’s pretty cool. But when you have to join in and you’re simply not in the mood, it’s got to suck! Let’s say you’re running late to work. You speed all the way there, get to the parking lot and as soon as you get out…bang, a musical number breaks out. Now you spend 10 minutes dancing on the hood of your car using your briefcase as an impromptu prop in a large production number. When it ends you rush in to your waiting boss with an explanation and he’s like, “well, that’s the 3rd musical this week”. Or you wake up and have 2 large black coffees and a bran muffin and a musical breaks out. You’re doing cartwheels, splits and back flips all the time just trying to hold your mud. Or you’re having a casual swim at the Y and a musical breaks out forcing you into a Busby Berkley-like giant 50 person synchronized swimming number. These are all real and grave possibilities if life was a musical.

I think in some ways, all those aggravations aside, maybe the world would be a better place. Gang fights become giant dance routines. Heartache is handled with a song and not tears. Most of all, just by being nearby, your singing, dancing, and acrobatic skills increase exponentially if only for a short period of time. Well, we’ll probably never know…oh crap, the guy I work with who’s having house issues just broke out into song…better limber up!

Celebrating Mediocrity

2009-10-12T10:46:00.002-05:00

In the new tradition of rewarding anyone who does anything (you know, ribbons and trophies for anyone who participates...don't want any bruised egos) I am hereby throwing myself an anniversary celebration. That's right, on a beautiful October day in 2004 I actually starting posting my drivel that only those that have the unfortunate experience of sitting next to me at a bar used to have to endure. I've been blogging here since February of 2005 but started my first foray into blogging on my now dormant Myspace page the October before that. There has been long gaps in between posts at times but I've stuck to it knowing very few people actually read it. So, as a celebration in mediocrity, I am going to re-post some of MY favorite blogs from the past five years (likely skipping anything from the past 6 months). If I can remember, I'll try and explain where I was at in my mind when I wrote it.

So whether reading for the first time or if you're that lone person who's seen them before I hope you enjoy these posts even 1% as much as I had coming up with them!

Something for nothing

2009-09-30T13:40:00.004-05:00

I have grown up and grown old on the concepts that 1) you don't get something for nothing and 2) if something seems too good to be true, it probably is. Add to that a well known cynical streak (part genetics, part surroundings) and I have my doubts about pretty much everything. That is why when I was told I won a FREE Macbook Air I had my doubts. Would I really get it? What was the catch? And if I didn't get it, could I really complain? Well, I did, there wasn't any, and no I didn't have to. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's backtrack a bit.

If you're like me then you are caught up in the world of online bargains. There is something gratifying about searching the web for short term, unbelievable deals that I love. In the course of pursuing this I've come across many website "portals" which are kind of a clearinghouse of all things bargains. However one stood out above the rest as the best and its dealspl.us (DealsPlus). This site rocks with tons bargains both online and offline for anything you can imagine. Basically stated, devoted bargain hunters post their discoveries here to share with other people. It is probably the website I visit most other then email. I've even posted many of the bargains I've found on this site to my Facebook page. I've saved tons on tons of stuff I've needed (and some stuff I didn't).

So recently, like it seems the whole world is doing, DealsPlus started to integrate more with Twitter the ultra addictive micro-blogging site. You do Twitter, right? Anyway to jump start their Twitter base, DealsPlus has been running promotions for varying prizes for either following them on Twitter, re-Tweeting their deals, or joining their Facebook fan page. Well, yada yada, I came home one day and checked my Twitter account and lo and behold, I was winner #5 of 10 free Apple Macbook Air!! It hasn't been the summer of my dreams (or winter of my discontent...sorry, got lost for a sec) so when I saw this I was like, no effin way!! All the winners would get instructions on how to claim this awesome prize once the 10th winner was picked. So now, the doubt started creeping in.

Well, after much internal fretting, my Apple gift card arrived which I used to buy a brand new Mac Book Air. No strings attached. Seriously. Apple was even running a promotion for a free Ipod Touch after a rebate. Seriously. I am totally stoked to own my first ever Mac.

So, yes Virginia, there is such a thing as something for nothing. I'd recommend checking out http://dealspl.us as it is an awesome site. Check out Twitter as well but be careful it can be addictive. And for those that think I'm shilling for the site, well, you don't know me very well. When I saw how easily it all went and literally no strings attached I felt compelled to write about it. This isn't one of those "wow, I made $10,000 filling out surveys" things. I've been using my Macbook for a little over a month now and have trouble switching back to my P.C. The Ipod Touch is the most addictive thing ever. So, once again, thank you for proving to me you can still get something for nothing with no strings attached! This blog proudly written on my Macbook!!

5 Is The New 10

2009-09-23T15:52:00.002-05:00

I've been thinking lately that Moses should not have stopped at 10 Commandments (this is not a religious discussion but rather my attempt at humor so please, all you former CCD teachers of mine, I know they were God's Commandments) and that these days there are at least 5 more, which resonate with modern society. So here are Rich's 5 New Commandments;

1) Thou Shalt Not Decide Anyone's Level of Happiness With Their Lives Other Then Your Own- From this point forward you will not decide who is happy with their lives and who is not based on your own level of happiness UNLESS they specifically tell you they are unhappy with their lives. Worry about yourself

2) Thou Shalt Not Tell Anyone Else How to Spend Their Money- You will not scold, shake your head, tsk tsk or otherwise make your point over someone else’s spending habits including, but not limited to, where hey live, where they send their kids to school, what they drive or whether or not they make more then they deserve

3) Thou Shall Give the Utmost Attention to Those Who Are With You at a Given Moment and Not Those Who Are Not There- This will include cell phone calls, texts, Tweets, IM's and the like to someone who is not physically there with you and you shall redirect that energy towards those that actually are present. Exceptions will be made for sick parents/kids/siblings/significant others and booty calls. Just kidding

4) Thou Shalt Not Tell Anyone Else How To Raise Their Family's- You will keep your mouth shut regarding how someone else rears their children. This goes for those who already have kids and goes double for those who don't (the exception being my mother cause she's pretty much right about everything). This covers both to the face and more importantly, behind the back (you know who you are)

5) Thou Shalt Not Make Cell Calls During the Times Rich Designates as Annoying- While driving (unless you have a headset), at a traffic light (it's f'n green...DRIVE), when out with friend's or family (see Commandment 3), in a public restroom (ewww), in the movie theater, in any line anywhere while other people are waiting to pay, on a plane up until the time you take off and the second you land, in the car with other people who are forced to listen to your inane drivel with no way to escape it, pretty much any place and anywhere it may annoy Rich (which is just about everywhere)

So, there you have it, my New Commandments. Each and every one of you shall embrace them from this point forward, so sayeth me. I should mention a couple that didn't quite make the list like "Thou probably shouldn't listen to a word Rich say" or "If thou thinks this has anything to do with actual religion and are offended go poundeth sand". Well, maybe when the list expands again

Assumption Sumption What's Your Malfunction

2009-09-17T16:59:00.001-05:00

The first time I recall the expression "don't assume or you'll make and ass of u and me" was probably the movie The Bad News Bears Breaking Training (how's that for an obscure memory) where the new coach spells it out for the Bears on a chalk board (I've since been told it originated with the show the Odd Couple). But the point resonates as clearly now as it did then. We all make assumptions about people based on how they dress, where they're from, their religion, their upbringing and on and on. But I'm talking mostly about making assumptions about those closest to us, which is dangerous. We all do it every day either consciously or subconsciously. Or someone is making assumptions about us. Either way its wrong, is a slippery slope and is completely unavoidable. It's simply human nature

Usually when we make assumptions about someone we justify it by saying we're thinking of them and their feelings when we really are only thinking of ourselves. We justify it with excuse after excuse. How often do you say "Well, let's not tell so and so as it would just upset them" when what you really mean is that telling them will make your life more complicated so by NOT telling them you're not sparing their feelings but simplifying your life. Or how about "I didn't ask you because I figured you'd say no" which really translates to you were not the person I wanted to do whatever it was I was doing with. It's simply the wimpy way out. Then there is "I didn't want to hurt you". This is the granddaddy of them all whether between lovers, siblings, friends or whomever. If you did something, made a decision or told a lie so egregious it would hurt someone, most likely you were thinking of you, not them. It's really all about being selfish and that's OK , just don't kid yourself

I've figured out after many years most people are stronger then we think, tougher then we give them credit for and generally speaking handle most things with a great degree of maturity and dignity. To avoid making our own lives more difficult, we simply make assumptions about those we care for, and care for us, to have the ultimate built in excuse. In the long run it's best to take these things head on, simply be 100% truthful and let the chips fall where they may as short term inconvenience, discomfort and hurt are far better then long term hard feelings, ill will and regret.

Is it easy to do? No, not at all. As I originally stated, it's human nature but I think if we try just a little harder we'll all make less of an ass of ourselves

Greetings from the Snug Harbour Inn, Cape Cod, MA

2009-09-15T09:55:00.003-05:00

A post-mortem on summer (yes, from the guy who wrote about "how's your summer"). I know I said I don't relish summer and all my best memories came from when I was a child but there is one memory or group of memories as a young adult that I do cherish which, because of seeing many of the people involved recently, has been in the forefront of my mind recently

From summer of 89' through summer of 94' (or there abouts) we spent all 3 summer long weekends down the Cape. You know, beaches, sand dunes, boating...nah, we stayed in the dumpiest, cheapest, crappiest motels we could find crushing 4 people to a room. These were motels with names like the Snug Harbor Inn and The American Host. So we chose these for their proximity to the beaches, right? Nope, we chose them for their proximity to the Mill Hill Club or the Improper Bostonian, the Cape's most prolific happy hours (OK, and because they were dirt cheap). For me it started with my post college friends and in Dennis then eventually, through a coupling within the groups, merged with one of my sister's group and moved on to Hyannis then eventually went on to include 2 of my other sisters and their friends. By the peak of craziness it seemed one giant, if dysfunctional, family. The days mostly consisted of drinking poolside all day, then hitting happy hour, then, if you could manage it, out to the clubs at night. It was a badge of honor to make it out but there was no shame if you didn't. This was how it went year after year. No beaches, no nice eateries, no family fun just lots of drinking and laughing. It was an eclectic group but the dynamic worked as there were few if any fights. I could go on for hours about some of the highlights but frankly, that would be telling. I'd have to change the names to protect the not so innocent.

The summer I remember most was following what was the worst event in my life. It was a tragedy as bad as you can imagine (think about bad then multiply it by 1000). We were worn to a frazzle, had no more tears to shed and frankly needed to smile some. The last thing on anyone’s mind was going away but with the encouragement of a couple of very courageous people, we rounded up the troops and headed to the Cape. We didn't laugh quite as much, cried a little and the mood was certainly more introspective then it had been previously. But, it worked. It helped. It started the healing process for friends and family. I'll never forget that summer and those people for as long as I live

It really was the time of our lives as we we're forever young, indestructible, and were going to be like this forever. Well, as with most things, all things come to an end. That summer was kind of the end of the innocence and we were thrust into adulthood. We grew up (or grew old) and had families and the like. But there is still never an occasion when some or all of us are together where summers on the Cape and the Snug Harbour Inn doesn't come up. Do you remember, do you remember the times of your life??

Better to be pissed off then pissed on...

2009-09-11T09:47:00.003-05:00

I have some good stuff coming up (well, that's a matter of opinion) but been a little busy and a little uninspired of late so rather then a cohesive blog on some random subject I decided to rant about things that just plain piss me off. Yes, I know you likely find this hard to believe but there are lots of things that piss me off. I know I've likely been through some of this before but hey, it's still pissing me off

-Being pounced on the second you walk into a retail store- I am constantly at loggerheads with my boss over this. I feel for every person who wants immediate help there are dozens of people who want to look first before asking for help. Most people want to decompress, browse, get their bearings even. Want to almost guarantee me walking out the door of a store? Just be standing at the front door asking me if I need help today

-Adults on those Razor scooter things- So, for kids, I get it. They're fun, they're cool (or they were 5 years ago) but as a mode of transportation? I saw a 30something guy near Government Center riding a scooter in his business casuals. Now, look, whatever works for you BUT damn, I don't see how these make transportation any easier. I mean, he was working up a lather with that kick and push leg and honestly not getting much further or going much faster then I was walking

-Cutesy internet terminology or "leetspeak"- OK, so LOL and LMAO are now part of common electronic society used by nearly everyone in texts, email, and instant messaging. I can live with that but I can't deal with grown adults using terms like "nom nom nom" to indicate eating yummy food or any other term used by someone half their age. L00zer, lus3r, kewl, k00l, and the like. Don't do it. I make one exception as it's terminology I've been using forever and that's "epic fail" (and it's counterpart, "epic win")

-Texting while driving- I mean, seriously, texting while driving? They're making a law against this? They have to? The thought never crossed my mind. I am a notorious lover of texting but while driving? Seriously? I won't even make phone calls while driving, I barely even like talking to someone in my car while driving, but TEXTING? If I ever get in an accident caused by someone texting while driving, if I can walk away, there will be a justifiable homicide.

-Anyone making a an analogy and getting it wrong- One of the favorite uses of analogy is the sports cliche. "going get tough", "4th and long", "2 outs in the 9th", etc. Honestly, for sports fans these really resonate. However, if you do use these, make sure the facts are straight. Don't say, for instance, don't say "you don't always need to hit homeruns, sometimes singles will get it done like Justin Pedroia" Justin Pedroia? He's the offspring of former Red Sox Justin Masterson and AL MVP DUSTIN Pedroia?? Whatever point was trying to be made was lost on me right then and there

-People playing lottery and scratch tickets in line in front of me- I know it's probably "old" bashing but I HATE being in line in back of someone playing lottery or buying scratch tickets. They ignore signs which say no verbal plays, they pester the counter person asking what denomination of scratch tickets they have even with a sign posted that says "we have $5 and $10 scratch tickets" and worst of all, you find their losing tickets strewn callously on the ground in front of the store where they bought them. I'm all set with these people

-People eating/drinking their purchases in checkout line- This just skeeves me out. Someone opening a bag or chips, cookies or a soda and consuming it while waiting to pay. I don't think it's trying to avoid paying for it but just because their hungry or thirsty. I guess I just don't like seeing people eating outside of established "eating zones" and HATE that the cashier is 100% going to have to deal with someone talking with a full mouth. Gross.

Hmmm, guess that's it...for now

Cruel Summer

2009-08-20T09:12:00.004-05:00

I recently stated, to some jeers, that a pet peeve of mine is when peopleask "how's your summer going"? I guess from people who don't really know me I can deal but not from those that know me well. I'm an adult, single, no kids and work a full time job. I'm a well known hater of hot weather and the beach and all that goes along with it. Why doesn't anyone ask how your spring or fall or winter is going? What does summer really mean to me? What does summer really mean at all? Summer, the season falling between spring and fall, starts on June 21st and ends September 21st here in the Northern Hemisphere. I contend that summer is actually a state of mind that exists fondly in our long term memory.

For me, when I think of summer NOW I think hot, I think no one around when you want to do something, I think everyone overcrowding the places I want to be, I think being short staffed at work as all of the people who have families take their vacations then. Summer is simply made for kids. Summer is a time with no school. Period. It exists as a time frame mostly for parents as they know summer is when they schedule their vacation time to spends with their kids which is how it should be. They know that summer, for 2 working parents, is when their scheduled life is thrown off greatly and, admit it or not, they are counting the days until school starts and a return to some form of sanity. Obviously I know there are some single types that love the summer, the heat, the beaches, the summer home or rental, etc but I still feel we are drawn to the concept of summer as that's where our fondest memories of childhood lie. I actually feel bad for kids today as their summers just aren't what ours were

When I was a kid, summers were summers. Even with snow days, school would be out in early June and we wouldn't go back until the Tuesday after Labor Day. Back to school shopping consisted of 2 days (one for me, one for my sisters) of shoe and clothes shopping the last week of August, not the end of July. My mother was a stay at home mom, as were nearly all my friends' mothers so we were kept busy. Mom always found time every week to take all 6 of us plus 4 or 5 other random friends to the beach for the day. She was never too busy to not find time for us. More importantly, she left us to our own devices. There were 2 simple rules; you're not sitting around the house all day and be home before the street lights come on. There was a level of trust both in us and the world that simply doesn't exist now. She knew we weren't just hanging around and anywhere else we went, another parent was present. The first "mom I'm bored" would get your butt kicked out the door. But it was all such good clean fun. Drive-movies. Day trips to North Shore and South Shore beaches. Weekend vacations to Nantasket Beach, Cape Cod, or anywhere we could stay for next to nothing. My most beloved memories of summer as a young man were of the recreation department sponsored school parks. From late June through mid-August these were monitored places for kids up through junior high to "hang out" and be active. There was so much to do from games and crafts to field trips to amusement parks (long before they were theme parks) baseball and softball leagues and much more. As you went to the park at the school you went to, you walked back and forth (imagine that, walking to school) and you had to leave the park for lunch for an hour. Honestly, up through 7th grade or so, that was what summer was to me

Summers changed as we got older ans spending all our free time together as a family unit lost some of it's charm. Mom started working again, we all found summer jobs which were an adventure all its own. Fun around the neighborhood stretched out to all over town and as far as the 77 bus would take us and beyond. Good clean fun gave way to more adult adventures. Sports started shortening the summer as well. By the time I got to college, summer really lost most of it's meaning. I worked at least one job all summer to defray costs (and have beer money) and I honestly missed being away at school as being back home, as much as I loved my family, meant loss of the modicum of freedom living at school brought. My last great memories of summer were post college until around my late 20's of going to the Cape with basically everyone for every Holiday weekend. Then we all got old and had families etc, well, not all of us

As an outside observer, summer just doesn't seem the same for kids. I mean, summer homework? Reading lists? In school until the last week of June? The mega-chains pushing back to school down their throats in July. Day camps and sports camps and the like which, while great, still involve having to be driven back and forth. I'm sure kids don't see it that way tho

So, if you see me, don't ask how my summer is. Ask how I am. Ask how my Red Sox season is going (as that is what I associate most with summer) or, wait until fall and say "so, how's your fall going" and I'll likely tell you "it's going GREAT". (OK, that's probably a little upbeat for me)

Defending the (animated) Sailor Man

2009-07-24T10:37:00.004-05:00

"Just be yourself", "people love you for who you are", "you are who you are, don't ever change that". People claim they love individuals and people who are comfortable with who they are. Throughout history the adage has always been be yourself. Going all the way back to Homer who said "Hateful to me as the gates of Hades is that man who hides one thing in his heart and speaks another" and Shakespeare himself who said "God has given you one face, and you make yourself another". The idea was if you try and be who you're not, you're doomed to fail. Poet and writer E.E. Cumming stated "It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are" and even Dr Seuss said "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind". So, basically, they say, if you have the courage to be who you are, those that are important will love you for it no matter. More contemporary, Judy Garland famously said "Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else" and Denholm Elliot said to Eddie Murphy in Trading Places "Just be yourself, sir. Whatever happens, they can't take that away from you"

So, you're saying, "what's with all the quotes Rich"? Well, I've always been myself, maybe to a detriment. You always read about how important it is to be true to yourself. When some of the things you hear people say about you include nice, kind, funny, honest, caring, loyal and smart(I swear, I've heard people say these things...seriously...) along with sarcastic, moody, and other less favorable things, you'd think that being you is a favorable thing as the pluses tend to outweigh the minuses. Yet, when you look back at a solitary life you start to wonder if just being you is enough? Oh, sure, it's more then enough for your friends and family, but is it enough for the "special someone" that's been absent from your life? What if the singular thing that attracted someone to you, your ability to be 100% comfortable with who you are was then the exact thing that drove them away? Would I indeed be better off trying to change or mask some of who I really am? Naw, I don't think so. I've made it this far being me why change now? People will continue to either like me or dislike me based on who I really am. If you accept that, groovy, if not, well frankly, go pound sand. I'd rather remain an individual and alone then become another sycophantic drone towing the line and being "happy" with someone else. It's just not who I am. I think my favorite philosopher of all time put it best when he said "I yam what I yam". That Popeye had it right all along

A Tale of Two Stories, 1 City, and 1 Commander in Chief

2009-07-23T10:44:00.001-05:00

This is probably the one and only time you'll read something from me regarding social issues or politics so enjoy it. I've pretty much had it up to here with the story of Henry Louis Gates and the Cambridge police, but I have to say that the fact the President of the United States of American could make such a foolish and admittedly, ignorant statement about the situation and about the CPD makes my blood boil. I'm assuming most of you reading this are somewhat familiar with the story. If not, Google it. Let me first state some obvious facts:

1) Racism does still exist. I'm not naive enough to believe otherwise
2) Cops are not always right and the accused are not always wrong
3) There are people, despite or in spite of skin color or race, who think they are above the fray
4) Being a city cop is one of the most tireless, thankless jobs in the world
5) Despite the situation, cops deserve the respect of their position

OK, so now that I've covered my non-pc ass, let me relate a story. For those that don't know I am indeed a white male and live in the city of Cambridge. My dad was born and raised in Cambridge and I have resided there for 6 years. I live in a small condo complex. Recently, a neighbor of mine was having mental issues and called the police on me multiple times for differing reasons none of which actually happened. One time resulted in the fire department breaking down my door when I wasn't home as she called in an explosion in my unit. Was I mad? Sure, but what if there had been an explosion? What if I had been home. The scarier incident was when I answered a knock at my door and saw not 1, not 2, but 5 of Cambridge's finest outside my door. They asked to come in, asked if I was alone, told me to stay where I was, and keep my hands where they can see them. They asked if they could look around my place. I was scared and angry and when they had looked around (my place is small) they explained someone had heard a gunshot in my place. So, see, they were edgy thinking it could be true. When they saw it was false, they explained the whole thing. I was respectful and thankful despite being severely shaken and angry. They have a job to do and I respect that

Henry Louis Gates is indeed a well renowned Harvard professor who is indeed black. My only opinion of him previous to this story from reading of him in the papers was that of an elitist, no more, no less. This incident hasn't changed my opinion. From all accounts it was him that escalated the situation, not officer Crowley. I know there is racism but I hate, hate, hate playing the racism card. Think for a second if it had been an actual break in and his house was robbed or if he was home and injured. He would be up the collective asses of the CPD about that. Or, think of my situation. If had had yelled, screamed, talked about the responding officers mothers, or pulled the "do you know who I am" line? I would have been cuffed and brought in...sound familiar? And what of Sgt Crowley? If his version of the story is 100% true, which from what the few witnesses there say, it is, regardless, he will be labeled a racist for the rest of his tenure with the CPD.

The part of the whole thing that pisses me off is President Obama chirping in the way he did. First, as everyone knows, Cambridge is the prototypical East Coast liberal city. I'm guessing the CPD and CFD are well trained in racial sensitivity to a far greater degree then most. To make such blunt statements about a city's police department while not knowing the whole situation because the person with the issue is a person of color and a friend of yours is a seriously stupid move.

The road less travelled

2009-07-02T11:20:00.002-05:00

So, your cruising down the highway of life in your status quo lane. There's been some detours, accidents, and bumps along the way but more or less the ride has been slow and steady. Some people envy you, some pity you but most accept you for you. You're happy (you think) for the most part as you have a decent job, great friends, great family, and a roof over your head. Your highs never get too high and your lows typically not too low. You simply are you and have been for so long it's all you know any more. You keep trudging along, traveling 65 with the G.P.S. programmed for the same old same old. Then, things change...

Something happens that changes everything. You swerve into an unknown lane trying to avoid something and you end up somewhere unexpected. It happens. You weren't expected it to happen. You weren't ready for it to happen. But it did. You're heading somewhere you're not used to. You struggle to stay on this route as you don't recognize the landscape or the landmarks. You fight your every instinct to get back to your status quo lane but you start realizing that, hmm, maybe this the road I've been looking for, even if I didn't know it. You relax, you accept it, you enjoy it, you maybe even love it. It becomes part of your life. You've taken a new off ramp on that highway of life, veered out of your status quo lane and into the H.O.V. lane of change. It has become your new status quo. Suddenly, out of the blue, you hit a road block and everything changes again

After some time to recover from this crash, you get back on the road you knew by heart in your old status quo lane. You think about that alternate route now and then and wonder was it just a passing fancy? A fad? Something you thought was a better way but only seemed that way on the surface? You miss the new route as it had become as much a part of your life as waking up and going to bed. But true to form you shrug your shoulders, set the cruise control for 65, program the G.P.S. for same old same old and continue on that familiar path that was, if briefly, interrupted. Destination; life

8 Million Stories

2009-06-05T14:02:00.001-05:00

“There are 8 million stories in the Naked City, this is one of them”. This was the famous opening of the TV show The Naked City. The premise was everyone, everywhere has a story, interesting or otherwise. You ever see someone walking down the street in a torn, neon green jacket and thought to yourself “OK, what’s HIS story”? Odd’s are you’ll never know but it’s fun to wonder. The same holds true of inanimate objects. You see a car covered in bits of ribbon and the like and you’re thinking some kind of celebration. You see a single shoe lying against a curb and you think…what happened to the other one. This thought brings me to the soiled men’s underpants in the bank parking lot.

As I was walking from my car the other day, passing through the parking lot of a bank in a very good neighborhood I see something that looks like men’s briefs on the ground. As I got closer, I noticed not only were they men’s briefs but they were soiled…badly. So, as I beat a hasty retreat trying to hold my breakfast down I started thinking how the hell did some shitty underpants end up in a bank parking lot on one of the busiest sections of Mass. Ave?? Did someone have to do #2 so bad and couldn’t find a public toilet so he shat himself then walked to the uber busy parking lot and shed the soiled undergarment then re-pants himself? Maybe some junior vice president in charge of high risk loans read the Wall Street Journal that morning and quite literally shit himself. Or maybe, just maybe, there is something much deeper and more insidious going on here. Maybe we’re dealing with a group of homegrown anarchists who are looking to bring the banking industry to it’s knees by leaving dookie filled tighty whiteys at every bank branch in America thereby not only driving people away in horror but also causing them to lose faith not only in the banking industry but in, dare I say, America itself. The end result being the collapse of the banking industry and society as we know it…or maybe someone just shit themselves and left there underpants in the bank parking lot

You've got to be kidding me

2009-06-03T11:49:00.000-05:00

So in my never ending quest to point out the absurdities of every day life, I present to you The Library Incident

The other night as I was browsing at my local branch of the public library I laid witness to a confrontation I simply couldn't help but be drawn into. Some quick background for those that aren't familiar with public libraries. Nearly everything is FREE to check out (books, periodicals, CD's, DVD’s etc) with a small penalty or late fee if they are returned after the due date. For example, books are $.10 a day late. In most cases, if you need more time, a simple renewal phone call or, if you have a computer, a click on the website will extend your time with the FREE book/DVD/CD loan. Did I mention FREE? OK, good. Back to the story.

So, as I'm browsing away I notice the very nice, friendly, and patient man working the desk where you check out your materials having an exasperated conversation with a customer looking to borrow 2 DVD's. I'm paraphrasing to a point but this is how the convo went (please note, the customer appeared to speak English as a 2nd language so I am taking this into account):

Library Guy (LG): Looks like you owe us some money
DVD Guy (DG): Are you sure?
LG: Yes, $5.30 for 2 DVD's 3 /12 weeks over due
DG: I didn't know there were late fees
LG: It is clearly defined all over the library not to mention the receipt we give you says when they were due
DG: I was too busy to get here during your hours. My job keeps me very busy
LG: I understand but we are open until 8:00 2 nights a week and have a 24 hour drop box
DG: I will pay you next time
LG: Sorry, I can't lend you any materials as you balance is $5.00 or more. If you want to pay just $.35 you will be below $5.00 and can borrow these DVD's
DG: .......
LG: So, do you want to pay $.35?
DG:....
LG: I'm sorry, those are the rules for the entire library system. There's nothing I can do
DG: But I didn't know
LG: All we need is $.35
DG:....
(We now have an uncomfortable minute long "Mexican standoff" (not my terminology) reminiscent of the famous scene in The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly)
LG: I'm sorry sir, that's all I can do. Other people are waiting. Do you want to pay $.35 or not
(He pulls out, and I shit you not, a Platinum Card)
LG: I have to charge at least $1 on a card.
(DG puts the card away, puts the DVD's down and leaves)

So, I will not ever know how much money someone has or doesn't have. I will not claim to know someone's intelligence level or mastery of the local language. However, I do know this; how the hell do you leave the house with not even $.35 in your pocket? I mean, a quarter and a dime? How can you not understand that the library is lending you everything for FREE and changing you $5.30 for what was essentially 2 movies you had for 5 1/2 weeks? Hey, want unlimited time with your movies? Get freaking Netflix!!! I know a lot of people are spastic plastic type and rely solely on credit cards (even some of my friends) but c'mon, THIRTY FIVE CENTS!! And, if you're going to pull out your card, PAY THE WHOLE THING!!

Something tells me this is indicative of where we're heading. Everyone wants something for nothing and then, when time comes to actually have to pay for something, they get all upset. I felt like grabbing the guy by his collar and shaking him. As someone who deals with stuff like this all the time I shared a knowing, disapproving, shake of my head with the library guy as if to say "I know, I feel your pain"

Knick Knack Paddy's Wacked

2009-03-18T15:13:00.001-05:00

Let’s face some certain facts:

Finally, some dos and don’ts:

Don’t order corned beef and cabbage if you want authentic Irish, as corned beef is not a meal indigenous to Ireland

Do order bangers and mash if you want authentic

Don’t order green beer. ‘nuff said

Do order Guinness a real product of Ireland

Don’t order a black and tan as it has a very derogatory meaning to the Irish (and hell, don’t spoil Guinness with anything else)

Do have a shot of Jameson’s, just about the tastiest stuff on earth

Don’t speak with a phony Irish brogue

Do have fun without making a total moron of yourself and, if you are indeed Irish, your heritage

Do visit one of your areas many Irish pubs

Don’t forget they are typically open 360 plus other days a year and not just St. Paddy’s Day

Sláinte!!

GART; Destination: Cincinnati, OH

2009-02-25T13:27:00.004-05:00

DAY 8
After having packed the night before we hit the road fairly early to have breakfast before I left for Cincinnati. We said our goodbyes and I departed for Brian and Lisa's. Brian is, and has been, my best friend since about 9th grade. His job has taken him and his family to Dallas and now Cinci. Of all the people who have moved it's him (and his wife) I miss the most. As I'm a guy, and an anti-phone guy at that, we likely don't talk as much as I'd like but we do keep in touch. He's usually back here on business or visiting and I've been to Cinci pretty much every year since he moved there

I will say this was the worst driving of the trip. Slow moving truck traffic dominated the ride. It was frustrating and annoying but I was on schedule until...a detour. Because of construction the road was re-routed and as I was in the left lane I got taken off the main road. Normally this isn't a problem BUT every exit off this local road was closed for 10 miles!! I finally got my ass turned around and arrived in Blue-Ash (a suburb) where Brian lives about 90 minutes later then planned. We pretty much hit the ground running visiting some of the artsier parts of the city I hadn't seen visiting a really old bar and another that's back deck overlooked Cincinnati. Then we ventured just over the Kentucky border to a German beer hall we'd been to before. Now, with a good lather under us we decide to go food shopping for dinner totally unaware of the time. We came home with pork and steak and potatoes. Lisa reminded Brian that it was already almost 7:00 and nothing was marinated, etc so we opted for a chain type restaurant (which isn't a chain but seems like one) for dinner with the kids. After Lisa and the kids left Brian and I met up with a friend and his brother in-law who was visiting from England (he was attending the Ryder Cup). These guys were a riot. we drank and carried on all the way until...10:45 when they called last call. Seriously. I was horrified as I don't normally even go out until then. We decided to go back to Brian's for a few. Well, not only do bars close before 11:00 but the town has no cabs!! So, we walked what felt like an hour back to Brian's place. It was actually a very funny walk but was tiring as hell. When we got back to his joint we drank on his back porch until nearly 3:00 a.m. which was amusing only because those 3 had a charity golf tournament the next day (I declined the initiation).
DAY 9
The next morning came rather quickly as I wasn't really sleeping much at this point. I heard them get the kids up and off to school and decided to head out for coffee and a little solitude. Brian had the tournament and Lisa and I were going to spend the day together until the kids got home. FYI the tournament was very important as it raised hundreds of thousands for autism research which is a cause near and dear to their hearts. So, Lisa and I lunched and had a couple of beers then just whiled the day away catching up. I usually don't get to spend much time with Lisa as usually when I get there Brian and I are off being boys. She is a great, funny person and the day flew by. We prepared dinner for the kids and drank beer and wine until Brian finally got home. He looked about as excited about going out as having a root canal but I told him, hey, it's my last night so we're going out. We went to a Buffalo Wild Wings just because I had never been. This one was odd as it seemed like a mix between Chucky Cheese and the Ground Round. Equal parts adults drinking and children and tweens running around. I guess that's Blue-Ash on a Friday night. We had a couple beers, I tried the buttery garlic wings and then the Blazin and I must say, even for me, the Blazin were brutal. We called it an early night as I decided to hit the road at 5:00 a.m.

Next stop: Home??

GART; Destination: Toledo, OH

2009-01-21T22:20:00.008-05:00

My next stop was Toledo, OH to see my friend Crystal and her husband Adam. Crystal and I have been friends around 5 years I guess having met through a common friend. It's a long story but I count her amongst my best friends and closest confidants. I was looking forward to this visit to catch up as well as to slow down a bit as I would be there for 3 days.

DAY 5
I got my ass going early as it was a work day and Tom and Sara had work to do plus it would be the longest haul to date.It was going to be about 8 hours. I made good time to the interstate. I had plans of lolling along and enjoying the ride but let's face it, once you get on a turnpike, there's nothing to see and nothing to do so I settled in. As irony would have it, a year ago Adam lent me some audio books which, as I have no commute, I never listened too so I was returning them. I figured, what the hell and popped one in. I was hooked. It totally killed time and kept me alert. I finally hit the Toledo are around 5:00, way early as they were both at work. I found a Barnes and Nobles to kill time. I got some suspicious looks as I came in with my backpack with clean clothes and changed in their bathroom. I saw security hovering outside and laughed to myself. I met Adam then Crystal at a local bar shortly there after. We hung out there for a while and went back to their place so I could settle in. We went out for a few drinks and called it a night

DAY 6
Adam had to work so we kinda hung around a bit then decided to go to the Toledo Zoo!! I hadn't been to a zoo in forever so it was so much fun. It was basically us, students and ollllddddd people but we had so much fun. After we went to my must go place when I get out of the Northeast Steak N Shake!! If you haven't been you must try it. We killed the rest of the afternoon playing Wii then met Adam at a Japanese hibachi place, also a first for me. It was cool watching the grill dude flipping around food. After a few more beers, we turned in

DAY 7
We wee heading upstate to visit her parents and decided to stop at the DumDum lollipop factory located in the very same town. We took some time to make some cookies for her mom based on my world famous sugar cookie recipe (go ahead, laugh). It was fun taking the tour even tho FDA laws won't let you into the kitchens anymore. We went to her family's restaurant, The Tavern for steaks then to her parents for a visit. They are such nice and interesting people that I always look forward to seeing them. After a long ride back to Toledo me met Adam for more Wii then more drinks.

It was great just to catch up, chill out, have fun and laugh and much more relaxing then the previous stops

Notes from the road:

We are deprived, and maybe lucky, that we lack the sheer volume of fast food and chain restaurants found in OH
When you drive long, long distances, if you have the ability to not pee a lot, you really make good time

GART; Destination: Leesberg, VA

2008-12-24T16:20:00.006-05:00

Wow, life has a way of getting away from you. I can't believe how long it's been since I blogged. I'm going to try and bang out the rest of the trip in the next few days.

Day 3

So I awoke fairly early as the 10,000 cats were killing me. My eyes were swollen to the point it looked like the end of the fight in Rocky. Thankfully Melissa had prescription allergy eye drops or I would have had trouble driving. Chuck and I had breakfast at a great little joint called Millie's Diner It was a totally funky joint with a tight but delicious menu. We said our goodbyes and I headed off to Leesberg, VA

Leesberg is where my cousin Tom lives. Tom is the coolest guy and always the most popular cousin. Partly because, well, he's da man! And partly because he's the cousin we never really saw. His dad, my uncle Gerry, is the only one of my mom's family that travelled far out of MA. His job took him to Washington, DC and, really, all over the world so we rarely saw him, his wife, or kids. As we all got older, travelled more, etc we got to know Tom better and realized he was totally one of us (and one of the few people who can outlast me partying). He was an original AOL guy but has since moved on. He has a lovely wife, Sara, and daughter, Madeline, and another child on the way. I was totally looking forward to my time there

The ride from Richmond back to Leesberg took way longer then expected (traffic on a Saturday in the same spot I had hit it on Friday. I got a little lost and ended up as Dulles and had to turn around. I finally arrived around 2:00. He has a luxurious home in a complex (he says us New Englanders are hung up on that term. He calls it a "community") that was just finished a few years back and is built around 2 and a half golf courses. It's beautiful and their home is opulent without being ostentatious (OK, I just felt like using those words). We had a couple beer and headed over to see my uncle Gerry and Aunt Guyetta (gosh I know I butchered her name) about 45 minutes away. My uncle Gerry was always the picture of class. The job no one really knew much about, always impeccably dressed, never, ever seen in jeans and a t-shirt. Until I was in my 20's I can only barely remember him but as I got to know him I realized what a great man he was. Unfortunately, like many in my mom's family, life has not been kind in his later years as he suffers from crippling M.S. He is now confined to a wheelchair. His mind is sharp but his body is falling apart.

We spent a couple hours with them catching up, having lunch and even a few beers. He is a realist ("how you doing Gerry?" "shitty thanks") but in good spirits. It was worth my trip just to see him as I honestly don't know how many more times I will. Tom and I then went to check out the country club he belongs to. Needless to say, he was THE man there and seemed to know everyone. He hijacked a golf cart and we tooled around the course in the dark just after sunset. He explained the overpopulation and his general disdain for deer which we almost ran into twice. After a few more beer we went food shopping which, after about 10 beers, was an adventure in itself. We got food for dinner which he ended up grilling out until I don't even remember what time but was excellent nonetheless. We turned in relatively early as we were going to the Redskins game the next day so we needed an early start

Day 4

We woke up fairly early to get ready to meet Tom's friends to head to the game. Well, some of us were ready and some of us were moving SLOWLY (hint, not me). We had breakfast and met up with his buddies to pile into one vehicle to head to Landover, MD. After a seemingly endless ride (you can imagine how sick of cars I was by now) we got to FedEx Field for the Skins/Cardinals game. We tailgated with just the five of us at first then joined a much larger tailgate with his old neighbors. These Skins fans know how to tailgate! The game was friggin hot. Had to be 90 in the sun. It's also HUGE!!! I mean, I forget how many but close to 100,000. The Skins won but was more fun for the experience then the game. We tailgated some more after the game then headed back, I slept the whole ride back to Leesberg as I was beat and a wee bit drunk. Sara made us an awesome dinner then, seriously, I was in bed by 9:30 as I planned to hit the road early.

Notes from the road:

If someone gives you personalized directions, use them and forget your GPS and Triptix
The Beltway traffic sucks as much as they say
The popular game tailgating is Corn Hole (what I call beanbags) and I simply couldn't stop giggling about this

Next stop: Toledo, OH

GART; Destination, Richmond, VA

2008-10-06T21:21:00.009-05:00

Day 2:

So, needless to say I didn't hit the road as early as I would have liked being up until 4:00 a.m. Craig and I went out for breakfast at the Golden Dawn where I got scrapple because when in Philly you just got to. Then I got soft pretzels at the Philadelphia Soft Pretzel Factory for the ride because, well, same reason. The ride was uneventful until I hit VA. I didn't take in account the traffic leaving Washington, DC for the weekend. The next hour and a half were a crawl of no more then 40 mph. It was frustrating as the 4 and a half hour drive took nearly 6 hours. I eventually made my way to Chucks place.

Chuck has become a very close friend over a short period of time. I've known him off and on for a decade but over the last few years travelling to Ireland and NYC we've become very good friends. I won't go in detail about Chucks recent health issues but he lost about a month of his life to being in an induced coma after suffering a heart attack. This was going to be my first time seeing him since.

Chuck and Melissa live in a row house built in the 1800's on East Broad St near downtown Richmond. It's a beautiful old house. Did I mention they have NINE cats? I worried a bit about this as, as I mentioned before, I'm allergic. We caught up a bit and I settled in and got ready to go to a friends house in the same block for a wine and cheese gathering. Yes, me at a wine and cheese gathering. As I described it I am the turd in the punch bowl of the wine and cheese crowd. Chuck is really into his wine and there must have been 100 bottles stored in the spare bedroom alone. We walked down to the neighbors house and Chuck kept freaking me out by walking around with an open bottle and glass of wine outside. I'm not used to that. We hung out with some of his neighbors who would best be described as almost middle aged professionals. Not so much yuppies but close. They were all really nice and I never felt out of place. We only stayed a bit then went back to his place for grilling out and to watch the Sox game. We eventually hung out on his front porch and caught up with everything in life. The cats were starting to kill me at this point and my eyes were nearly swollen shut so we called it a night.

It was sublime and low key night but perfect for what it was. Chuck is one of the funniest people I know in his very dry (and filthy rotten) way. I wish I could have spent more time there but as I'm going to see him in November it was all good

Notes from the Road:

-On route 95 travelling through DE I got stuck in the same cluster fuck of traffic I always did when I used to go down there and ironically was stuck for around 5 minutes in front of the exit that I used to take to go visit a friend

-I was amazed the sheer amount of tire blowout remnants on the side of the road. I know it's mostly from trucks but I'm amazed I've never ever had it happen to me and more so, I've never seen it happen in front of me
Next stop: Leesberg, VA

GART; Destination, Levittown, PA

2008-10-02T10:13:00.010-05:00

So, the Great American Road Trip came and went and I had a great time!! So, you’re asking, where were the promised blogs as I went along? Well, on a trip like this where you are staying with people there is not a ton of down time, which if there were would defeat the idea of the trip. Also, you can’t predict traffic and don’t plan anything too precisely. So, what I decided to do was put together a retrospective of the trip done by destination for your (but mostly my) enjoyment!

Day 1- Destination, Levittown, PA

So I start out the day finishing my packing. I think I literally took every article of clothing I owned as laundry was not something I wanted to think about. Around 11:45 A.M. Enterprise picked me up (just like the advertising, for real). It took longer then I figured and didn’t get back to my place to load the car, add the car to my Fast Lane/Easy Pass etc and hit the road until after 1:00. The car was a gold 2007 Chevy Malibu. It was nice enough but they gave it to me with ZERO washer fluid. I mean, on the display inside the car it read “low washer fluid” which should have tipped them off. I mean, what else do they do at car rental places but rent cars, get them back, check to make sure they are in tiptop shape then rent them again. It kinda pissed me off but I reckoned I’d address it when I needed it. Anyway, it headed for the Mass Pike to start the 5-hour drive towards Philly. I’m intimately familiar with this drive from making runs from Cambridge to Philly, Delaware and other stops in the Delaware Valley region. What I didn’t plan on was my delayed departure putting me in a knot of traffic at rush hour on the Garden State Throughway. I finally arrived around 6:30 and we hit the ground running.

Let me pause to talk about Craig and Levittown. Levittown is probably best known as one of the original pre-planned communities that were the basis for what is now modern suburbia (and for an infamous gas riot in the late 70’s). It is the largest suburb of Philadelphia though not most populous. It’s pretty much like most places with its share of middle and lower middle class families. It’s a little rough around the edges maybe but most of the folks I’ve met there are honest, hard working folks. I remember when I first met Craig his stories of Levittown scared the crap out of me. Having now been there a few times now I’m starting to think Craig and his brothers and friends were just plain crazy and not so much Levittown itself. One curious thing was they must really, really hate tailgaters (drivers, not football revelers) as about every half mile in city limits there were signs reminding you the evilness of it.

I met Craig…gosh I can’t even remember now how long ago but it was closer to 20 years then 10 years ago…showing my age. He moved to Arlington, MA after college for work. Like with many of the friends I made post-college we met at the gym and formed a group that went out every Thursday night for burgers and beer. He and I usually ended up out far after the others went home. We got along famously and became fast friends. We always laughed and laughed when we went out. I think on the surface we really weren’t much alike except our warped senses of humor and drinking prowess but in reality were very similar. We had great road trips to Ireland (greatest trip ever) and New Orleans that were unforgettable. A while back he moved back home as he felt the need to be nearer his family, which is as good a reason, as there is for moving. He met a great girl, bought a house in his neighborhood and got married. We’ve seen each other now and then since then but not nearly enough.

So, we met at his house, I dropped my bags, changed quickly, and headed out. We went to nearby Langhorne, PA to a place called, ironically enough, The Langhorne Ale House. It is part of a chain known as Miller's Ale House. Well, needless to say, we ate and drank a lot…to the tune of 50 wings and a TON of beer. I was in disbelief as I’m so used to Boston beer prices and here they were running a bucket of 5 Miller Lite for $8.00 or $5.00 for a pitcher. Fuckin’ Massachusetts. So when we finally had our fill, and let me just say Craig is one of the few people I know that cannot only match my drinking prowess but exceed it, and his wife Michelle drove us back. On the way out of the place we grabbed 2, yes, 2, 12 packs of beer. If you’ve never been to PA you buy cases of beer at a beer store but anything less is bought from a bar. Seriously. We returned to his house and his 2 cats and ginormous rabbits and proceeded to drink beer, catch up, talk about everything that’s happened in forever, and watch funny movies until 4:00 in the morning. We both decided that despite all the time that’s passed we haven’t really changed.

This was my first stop but it established 3 ongoing themes throughout the trip. 1) That Craig really is one of my favorite people and hence when you see each other, no matter how long in between, it’s like it always was. 2) That everywhere I slept there was at least one furred animal and I’m allergic and forgot my pills (more on that later). 3) You really can’t plan a trip like this too precisely as you can’t anticipate things like drinking until 4:00 A.M. Next stop, Richmond, VA

Notes from the road: I wasn’t on the road much this trip but the one note worth mentioning is Jersey, far away more then any other state I drove through, makes you feel lower then pond scum if you don’t have an easy pass. It’s not even close. It’s like, 10 lanes for Easy Pass all right down the middle and one lane for cash a quarter mile all the way to the right. So far my Easy Pass, which I’ll rarely use at home, was my soundest investment

The Great American Road Trip

2008-09-14T12:36:00.002-05:00

So, earlier this year after a few events that shook me up I pledged to be more proactive in keeping up with my friends from away. Email is cool but impersonal and I loathe phone calls so the best way to get it done was to hit the road so I formulated the Great American Road Trip. As it stands right now I'll be on the road about 10 days and making 5 stops and still working on a 6th still. It's kind of a crazy idea but everyone I talk to about it seems to think a great idea. I'm excited but nervous not only because of the scope of the trip but because I'm usually an away for 3 or 4 days at a time at most. This will be far and away the longest I been away since I bought my place 5 plus years ago. It also plays to some of my weaknesses such as night driving and not sleeping well away from home. So, those who see me at the beginning will be far luckier then those who see me at the end haha.

As of today the itinery is Levittown, PA, Richmond, VA, Leesberg, VA (D.C. area), Holland, OH (Toledo), and Cincinnati, OH. I'm hoping to make one last stop on my way but have been having trouble with communication and/or commitment. Either way, it's going to be too much of a drive from Cinci back home after 9 days on the road so either way I'll be stopping somewhere. I'm hoping for some of this to be relaxing time to see parts of the country I've only skimmed of went directly to a destination without really getting to see. Most times when traveling I'm a get up and go and drive straight thru guy so I'll be going against instinct. I'm hoping to stop at some great off the wall local eateries as well kind of my own Diners, Drive-ins and Dives. The logistics haven't been easy as trying to work around so many peoples schedules and I'll be hitting some people mid-week but should be interesting to say the least.

The trip comes at both the best and worst time as I SOOOOOO need time off but at the same time my mind weighs heavily with a run of piss poor luck of late. Maybe I'll talk about some of it as I go along as I'm tired of whining about stuff like all the time lately. I plan to blog as I go and add pictures so check back if you want to see what your man is up to.

Let the Great American Road Trip begin!!

Death of a Killer

2008-09-04T14:59:00.002-05:00

Note: This was copied from my wrestling blog. It's a personal story but feel free to skip it-Rich O

On Saturday August 31 Walter "Killer" Kowalski left us for that great Squared Circle in the sky. Often times a wrestling name and persona is merely an extension or magnification of the person playing the part. While he was the "Killer" in the ring, outside the ring a kinder, nicer man you would have been hard pressed to find. I was lucky enough to have met the man on maybe a dozen occasions but won't claim we were friends or he could pick me out of a crowd but he always treated me with kindness and respect. I would run into him around Greater Boston in my days back on the periphery of the local wrestling scene between attending or doing security for many local shows. I was fascinated that the tall, slender, well spoken gentleman was the legendary heel "Killer" Kowalski. My friend had briefly attended his school of wrestling so we almost always spent a little time talking to him. Here are some of my personal memories of Walter (it was always Walter outside ring...if you knew him even a little, calling him Killer seemed foolish) as opposed to repeating the oft told Yukon Eric and Haystacks Calhoun stories

-While I had seen Walter in ring without knowing it (as one of the Masked Executioners along with student John "Big John Studd" Minton) in my early wrestling fan days it was really a locally produced and broadcast wrestling program called Bedlam From Boston that I really got a good taste of the Killer. Basically retired from wrestling he operated as the top heel and champion of this group that were mostly his students and was a way to get them television exposure. The show was in many ways laughable versus many other regional shows but once a week Walter would cut a promo that would make you see why he was such a heat magnet in his day. I also remember, almost laughably, that he would do his promo's maskless then wear a hood in the ring, loading it up with a foreign object for the tainted win. As I understood pro wrestling more and more I was told it was because the mask allowed him to not worry about losing his hairpiece. I never found out if that was true and honestly wouldn't ever have asked

-When I got to college and met my friend and wrestling buddy for decades to come he opened my eyes to how stuff really was. He kept me around the whole scene without ever becoming part of it. He only briefly attend the Killer Kowalski Institute of Pro Wrestling but when ever we went somewhere he could pick out a student of Walter's just by watching them work. He say "Walter would make you do this 1,000 times, Walter stressed this, Walter wouldn't let you do that". He taught his students how to wrestle the way he learned through strong basics, in-ring psychology, and high spots where they were appropriate, not all over the place. If you read all those attributes and don't see Triple H you're not paying attention.

-When we did security for ECW in Revere and Waltham Walter was almost always on hand with some of his students whether to simply watch or hopefully to get one of his guys on the under card ( I remember Walter's name being dropped in getting Erich "Mass Transit" Kulas onto the card but Walter was not there and as far as I know, Kulas was not associated with him). He would always be there watching, critiquing, and offering advice. Most of the boys had respect for Walter and eventually they had a night where former students Perry Saturn and John Kronus honored him before the local crowd as the father of extreme wrestling

-I was at a show at a local armory with maybe 50 people in attendance by the time I got there. We stood near the back and watched as a friend of ours was working the show. A guy by the name of Rick Fuller who had a job with WCW at the time was headlining (a talented and damn nice guy btw). In the course of his match he threw a guy over the ropes and through the table where Walter's audio equipment was. This was NOT a planned spot and Walter let him have it giving him a tongue lashing all the way from the ring to the dressing room about carelessness, respect for the industry, and why he'll never be big time. It was a little excessive, a little uncalled for but that was Walter.

-My most personal story. My friend and I had flown to Philadelphia for a big NWA anniversary show. The show was actually about 30 minutes away in Cherry Hills, NJ. All sorts of big names were scheduled to be there including Lou Thesz, Harley Race, Abdullah the Butcher, "Dr Death" Steve Williams, Dory Funk Jr (there with "before they were famous students" Kurt Angle, Randy Orton and many others)and many others. As we puller out of the airport in our rental, there's Walter standing in the pick up/drop off area looking perturbed. My friend rolls down his window and asks if everything is OK and Walter tells him one of his students was supposed to pick him up an hour ago. So we give him a ride. It was great as this fearsome man in his clipped Midwestern totally unique accent, traveling with no more then a small duffel bag and his camera bag, regaled us with story after story. It was a ride I will never forget.

As I said, I won't claim to have been a friend of Walter "Killer" Kowalski but did know him a little. He wouldn't know my name if asked but was always ready with a "thank you young man". He was a simple, kind, respectful man. I don't think he died a wealthy man as his best days in ring ended well before there was big money to be made but from everything I know, have heard or read he was rich with friends, stories, and experiences. Not a bad life.

Rest well Walter

9 Lives

2008-08-22T10:49:00.000-05:00

Monday I waited and waited for the call to come in and when it finally did my mother put it simply “the doctor said dad must have nine lives as he dodged the bullet again”. What a huge sigh of relief…but wait, I guess I’m getting ahead of myself. Let’s rewind a bit:

Some of you know my dad’s story some don’t so in brief (haha…me, brief) my dad was your typical dad of the era. Lot’s of kids and worked lots of hours to make ends meet. He wasn’t around a ton as a result and when he was he was typically beat and grouchy from long, hard hours. But he was always a good dad. About 30 years ago he quit drinking cold turkey as he had issues with it and never looked back. About 15 years ago he stopped smoking for good after a few misfires. At age 60 he took an early retirement buy out and around the same time had full hip replacement. Well, the inactivity for a guy who doesn’t drive and had no real hobbies and honestly nothing to keep him preoccupied (along with the psychological damage from my sister’s tragic passing) was BAD for him and he started to become a shell of himself mentally and physically. It was scary. While all this was happening, hip pain was recurring. The pain killers kept him awake, the sleeping pills made him pee, the urologist said it was not normal for pills to make you pee so a quick scan revealed a massive tumor on his kidney. They took the whole kidney and that was that. In short order, over the next few years he had his gall bladder take, suffered what may have been a breakdown, and had his other hip done. As he is now 70 he has a full body scan done every year and this year something turned up…on his lung. OK, back to where we started…

Things have been so awesome for him lately mentally as he’s back to being the normal pain in the ass he always was and not the “crazy” pain in the ass he’s been the better part of the 2000’s. We worried the news of a growth on his lung would cause him to come unglued. But he simply said I’m getting all my stuff in order just in case but until we find out, we aren’t to talk about it in any way but positive. Wow, way to go dad!! As a result I found myself putting it to the back of my mind until, with a week to go and dealing with someone at work who has a sibling struggling with cancer that I started thinking, holy crap, dad could have lung cancer. I mean, CANCER! I never questioned the fact that dad and mom could handle it no matter what but was unsure of myself. You always judge people, whether you mean to or not, with how they handle certain situations. I’ve always thought I’d be the tough, strong, there for you no matter type of guy but now I was questioning it. I was, plain as I can say it, scared to death as, even as they’re getting older, I can’t imagine my parents not around. What was harder is I’m a guy and Irish so I didn’t share these feeling with anyone until the very days before hand. To add to the emotional duress, my sister Eileen one year to the date of major reconstructive knee surgery broke the tibia on her leg just below the bad knee teaching an aerobics class and had to have emergency surgery and my brother in-law’s step dad was placed in hospice care to live out his remaining days

Well, he really does have 9 lives. 3 cancerous tumors were successfully removed. It wasn’t “lung cancer” but rather cancer cells from the kidney tumor years ago. As of now he’s clean and won’t need chemotherapy or radiation treatments but it could turn up somewhere again so he needs due diligence. He scheduled to come home tomorrow where my poor mom will have both him and my sister laid up for the next week or so. Poor mom lol. It was scary to me more then any of his other issues for some reason and my level of relief were hard to calculate. He’ll never know how scared and worried I was because we’re not like the but, man, am I happy to still have him in the relative good health he’s in. Way to go dad, way to go!

By(e) George!

2008-07-01T09:49:00.003-05:00

“Shit, Piss, Fuck, Cunt, Cocksucker, Motherfucker, and Tits”

Comedic genius, rebel, and all around madman George Carlin coined this immortal phrase in referencing the 7 words you could not broadcast (originally on radio later updated to T.V.). It may seem tame to those whose first exposure to totally unfiltered comedy was Dane Cook or the like but George was doing this since the 60’s. He took comedy from buttoned down to over the top pretty much single handedly. So for anyone who laughed at Eddie Murphy, Dennis Leary, Dave Chappelle or Louis Black, thank George Carlin. If you ever laughed at the witticisms of Dennis Miller, Bill Mahr, or Jon Stewart, thank George Carlin. Hell, if you are a fan of shock radio it can be traced back to George Carlin. George Carlin died quietly last week and it may take some time for the world to catch up to what we lost.

I’m probably somewhat bitter as Tim Russert’s passing was viewed like as if an ex-president had died while George went with barely a passing mention. I have nothing against Mr. Russert he really wasn’t a part of my life. Well, I suppose neither was George directly but a lot of what I consider my own sense of humor and how I look at things can be traced back to George Carlin. I could go back and look up the year but I know it was in the mid-80’s when the fledgling Home Box Office (before being known by it’s eponymous initials H.B.O.) broadcast Carlin at Carnegie. Now, I had seen George Carlin on Saturday Night Live, had heard both edited and unedited versions of some of his famous material but nothing like this. Nothing was free from his barbs. Religion, sex, politics, the poor, the rich, and charity…you name it. I continued to follow his H.B.O. specials and even seeing him live. But it was that one special that kind of opened my eyes to just how screwed up the world was and was the beginning of my seeing things from “a slightly different perspective”. It probably wasn’t until I was getting closer to the age he was when I first saw his act that I realized just how ground breaking and fearless this guy was. He was hardly a saint and lived a hard life so his passing at age 70 (or 71 I’ve heard conflicting ages) was hardly a shock but I felt a pang of sadness on hearing about it

My final memory of Mr. Carlin was a special he did a couple of years ago. I was away and sitting in bed with a lady friend watching the start of the special. After the cheering died down as he walked out on stage he uttered the following 2 words…”pussy farts”. Well, I simply started belly laughing just at the words and how this late 60 something legend said it. About a minute into the routine I was crying laughing and she was turning the channel saying, “that’s not that funny and you’re stupid”. Well, actually he WAS that funny. There was no dark corner he wouldn’t enter, no subject too taboo, no group he was afraid to piss off and for that, thank you George! You will be missed

Hey, I'm walking here!

2008-05-21T14:53:00.003-05:00

It’s finally Spring so you know what that means! Opening Day? Flowers blooming? Mother’s Day? All affirmative but no, more then all that it’s Walk season! Yes, the Walk for Hunger, Aid’s Walk, MS Walk, etc. Each and everyone an ultra, ultra worthy causes. However, you knew there would be a however, are there too many? I say thee YES! The problem is three-fold. First, it’s the car alarm effect where you just sop noticing, second is the redundancy in that it seems there are walks for the same cause multiple times by multiple groups and lastly, the well of money’s to give just comes dry now and again. I think people with causes and those that support them are phenomenal individuals but I question how effective this form of funding has become. I’m not cold or anything and I have both supported and participated in walks I just feel the original idea has kind of gone astray.

The original concept of walks for raising funds for charity was to also raise awareness almost in the same vein of the protests of the 60’s and 70’s by a show of unity in a public forum. Previous to this most efforts were can collections, raffles, something like basketball marathon (sponsored $$$ per basket etc), which raised money but not awareness. The walks did both and actually continue to raise money. The awareness part…I’m not so sure anymore. There are simply too many, stacked one on top of or right after one another every weekend. I think people’s reaction has become indifferent as in “oh god, another friggin walk I have to wait out of change my plans”. Or if you’re a lesser-known walk maybe you don’t have the clout to get the downtown walk but rather the slightly left of center walk. What’s that? The city/state doesn’t just shut down downtown traffic at a whim and it involves planning and the like? Now, nearly all of these raise money so bottom line is they work I simply think there are soooooo many that the raising awareness, not just funds, has gone the way of the dinosaur.

What probably frustrates me most is the redundancy factor in that it seems there are multiple walks, and for that matter, charities, supporting the same cause but splitting their resources. A few years ago I did a walk for Autism, as it’s a subject near and dear to my heart. I’ve missed it the last few years but was distressed to see there was now a second group sponsoring a walk for Autism. I was just surprised because really, wouldn’t one united front mean more for awareness and research funding dollars raised? Now, maybe I’m wrong maybe 2 or 3 different groups separate from each other works better although I’m mystified as to how. I’m also not naïve and know that a lot of times charity can be a vanity thing as silly as that sounds. Here in Boston 2 well known Red Sox champion the same cause, ALS. However, both have their own foundation they are attached to carrying their own name. Wouldn’t it mean so much more for them to support the same foundation? Being the top dog of this or that charity means a lot to people. I also know sometimes there are underlying meanings (taxes and otherwise) that make having differing groups supporting the same cause. I also know some people are paid to run charities (sometimes a lot) as it entails a lot of work and sometimes there are splits over money. And lastly, as I’ve see close at hand with a group my boss’s wife runs which does unreal work. The principals who started the local chapter just had different ideas philosophically and are now splitting the local resources doing the exact same work. I don’t know enough about charity work to say I’m correct but in my humble opinion, one cause, one walk, one common united front makes for a stronger charity

The last thing is let’s face it, we all care about something but in this time of gas over $4.00 a gallon and $6.00 for a 5 pound bag of flour, money’s too tight to mention and how do we pick and choose who and what to support? I mean, how does one decide which to support? Your best friend? Cancer research? Your sister? The Homeless? It really does become a matter of how much you can give. Charity certainly does begin at home but you need to take care of your home before you can give too much to charity. As I think of just off the top of my head the number of causes I should be concerned with it’s staggering. Diabetes, MS, autism, depression, heart health, breast cancer, cancer research, alcoholism, children in Africa, children in South America…and on and on. Every one of those things has directly affected my family, my friends or me. So, how do you pick and choose? All are good causes, all are good events, and everyone who participates is a better person then I.

Since I started writing this diatribe the devastating cyclone that tore through Asia is most on people’s minds and a reminder that when we all look towards one goal we are so much better then when rudderless. Don’t think of me as too cynical, callous, or hard (ok, maybe hard haha) as there are very few bad causes. I simply think we need to get beyond the walk, become united in certain similar goals, and understand as much as we’d like to, most of us can only give so much to so many at any given time. I think anyone who gets up off his or her ass to raise money and participate is awesome. I just think a different type of event and more groups united in their causes would mean greater results sooner. Gosh, I really am a cynical prick

The C-Word

2008-05-06T13:52:00.002-05:00

And now for something completely different:

I can’t think of another word in the English language that draws more ire from the female population then the “C-word” (rhymes with hunt and from this point on, for my own safety, shall be referred to as the C-word). What is it that makes this word so reviled? I mean, there must be 100 euphemisms for the female genitalia, many not very flattering, yet none elicit the response the C-word does. I’ve tried to delve somewhat into the etymology of the word but have come up with nothing definitive. For all I know the word could have ended up being pop, dog, hung, or lint. But it didn’t. So why does this word carry so much more weight? I sometimes think it’s the short, hard sound of the word that just sounds ugly. I can’t think of an uglier sounding word. Maybe it just sounds ugly cause it sounds like the word it is and had the word been say, dog, maybe that would then sound ugly…hmmm. Hell, in England, among certain groups it can be a term of endearment (Trainspotting anyone?) Let’s leave it at this. I don’t think it’s the word or the body part but referring to a person, particularly a female, as a C-word is saying you think she is the lowest of the low. Lower then “bitch”, “slut”, or “whore” for sure. In fact, used sparingly, it can be a very powerful statement (think Richard Gere telling Lynette what she was in An Officer and a Gentleman). No matter how you slice it, other then maybe the N-word (which has no place even being part of the vocabulary in my opinion) there is no word you are likely to hear uttered that will elicit such an almost uniform negative response.

I can't relate

2008-04-17T10:11:00.003-05:00

Its time for my annual blog about the one subject I know least; relationships. Just to get the caveats out of the way I mean intimate couple relationships, I’m not looking for sympathy, and these are simply MY views so I may come off as shallow and selfish but its MY blog so deal. OK, now that’s out of the way…For the last calendar year I have not, for the first time in a few years, been involved with any kind of relationship of any kind orthodox or unorthodox. I also realize this is probably where I’m most comfortable. I’ve never been a relationship guy, which likely explains how odd my last several relationships have been; younger, long distance, younger and long distance, younger, long distance and a relationship in only one person’s eyes…you get the drift. The one thing they all had in common was lack of total commitment and space. Now, commitment part, don’t get me wrong, I’m as fiercely loyal as the day is long its just all that goes along with that…be patient, I’ll get there. Space, well, yeah, until you grew up in a house of 8 you don’t even know what space is. I’ve never really been in many long relationships so I guess lot of the “stuff” that goes along with it mystifies me. I mean, in a relationship 2 people love each other, right? What I look at and see going on amongst my peers in their relationships makes me wonder if I’m not better off as is. I simply think I’ve been single too long and can’t imagine some of the stuff that goes along with relationships in my eyes. I think someone would have to break my will, spirit, and very essence of what makes me who I am for me to be who I would have to become. So, here are the top relationship phenomenons I either don’t understand or don’t see myself conforming to:

Having “hand”- Marc and I speak of this a lot. I think it’s originally form an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm. It’s the concept of someone being alpha in any relationship. The person who wears the pants so to speak. The person with whom every decision is made. The one who makes the other grovel and beg for each and every thing they want or need to do. I’m sorry to say ladies that in 100% of the cases in my life of relationships where one person has “hand” it is the female who has it. This emasculating coexistence and the fact that people not only deal with it by strive in it may be the number one thing I don’t “get”. I’ve never been the alpha in any group yet not one to run with the pack either. I simply don’t want anyone controlling my life 100%. Not my parents, not my boss, and certainly not someone I love
Constant contact- I get aggravated more then you can imagine with people whose significant other calls or requires then to call a half a dozen times during the work day. Now, some have kids, some have sick people to tend to, housing projects, etc. However, most of the conversations are more like this “ok, I will, I’ll talk to you later”. “Things are good here, I’ll talk to you later”. Again, I feel this is more a show of “hand” by the alpha to keep a short leash. This also extends to the checking in while I’m out with my friends call, I’m at a business meeting call, the I’m on my way home from the gym call, etc. I don’t need, want, nor understand the concept of anyone wanting that much control or more the point, anyone allowing them to be controlled that much. Again, I know there are times in everyone’s lives more calls are needed so please don’t give me the “you don’t understand you don’t have…etc” bullshit.
Attached at the hip- I personally have a hard time with this. This is likely more a “me” thing then anything else. I’ve always been and worked hard to remain who I am, Rich O’Rourke. I am not now nor ever have been defined by my relationships. I don’t want to become “Rich and” when you think of me. This is totally petty but I’ve never been “Rich and” so I don’t get it. I really like how things are right now. If I want to go out with MY friends, I go out with my friends without having to feel guilty, if I don’t want to come home after work, I don’t. If I want to lay around in my underwear reading all day on my day off, I can. I can fly or drive to see whomever I want, male or female, by myself, without hurting anyone’s feelings. I don’t have to pretend YOUR friends are MY friends just because we’re us. I don’t share the remote, can shower as much or little as I want, go days without shaving…you get the point. It’s not very often you get to live your life, with the exception of the boundaries of work, with the sense of total freedom I have right now, at this point, at 41 years old. I think this would be my greatest hurdle to cross if ever I was to be in a relationship.
Manipulation- Ugh, I see this too much. Sometimes it’s subtle, sometimes overt, and sometimes downright public. I swear, I know these people love each other but all they do is tweak, embarrass, maneuver, and browbeat their significant other to get their way right then and there or setting them up for somewhere down the line. Lying, scheming, hurting…I see it everyday by some of the people I love and respect more then anyone. I don’t get how you can live your life treating the person you love most like this. They use every tool they have, and in the case of women, the threat of not getting any (guys are so easy to manipulate) to get what they want no matter the hurt. And it runs the gamut from guilt trips for going out to set up going out themselves, making someone change what they’re wearing to something they like more, to making a huge decision they are opposed to simply to keep the peace with their significant other. This, more then anything else, makes me shake my head

Like I started by saying much of that sounds small, petty, and selfish but it’s where I’m at. I’m not ruling out falling in love hard enough to see past some of these things, hell a few years back I thought I was in love enough I totally put up with and did shit I never thought I was capable of. But I honestly think I’m too far-gone. Use whatever euphemism you prefer; old dogs, leopards spots, wild spirits being broken, etc. I truly love my life and lifestyle. For every period of loneliness I endure, there are times of true joy over things I love doing I couldn’t in a relationship. You fill in the lonely times with things you love to do. For me it’s reading, the gym, going to the bar, and cooking. OK, sex can’t really be replaced (haha) but at the end of the day while important, I won’t make wrong decisions based around it (I swear more people have fucked up for the sake of getting some then for love or money throughout history). Again, this is not throwing in the towel. Gosh, I mean, who doesn’t wanna fall head over heel in love? And I still hold hope, although unlikely, of kids. But I’m a realist. I am from a family with clearly drawn lines. Half went on to have huge families and half to be single their whole lives so I’m comfortable either way. If for the rest of my days I’m known as favorite Uncle Richie, Rich the reliable brother and son, Rich the loyal employee, Rich who is always up for a guys trip, Rich who I can always talk to when I need to as there’s no “Mrs. Rich”, or Rich who never forgot his friends for the sake of a girlfriend or wife as so many have done then I’ll die a happy and fulfilled man.

Good Luck Chuck

2008-04-03T11:13:00.005-05:00

So, there is finally good news regarding my friend Chuck. He has been extubated and is breathing normally, aware and communicating although with some difficulty as having a tube in for so long wreaks havoc on the throat and vocal chords. It is such a relief for his wife, family, and friends and yes, Chuck himself. He is scheduled for a procedure tomorrow and hopefully heading home in the near future. His life will have to change somewhat I’m sure. It is definitely a life-defining event but sometimes that’s what it takes to focus on what’s important. I know this has been an awful strain on his wife. For the rest of his peers it’s been a struggle not only knowing what happened but that really it could have been any of us. It really made me pause and look at my eating habits, drinking habits, my beer gut, my medical conditions, my family history, and my attitude I definitely believe you only go through this life once and should live it with gusto but on the same hand one really needs to take care of ones self. Makes you rethink that pizza, 13^th beer, skipping the gym and blowing off routine doctors appointments. I can’t say this will be a moment of clarity or anything for me but it really has caused me pause. All around me I see friends and acquaintances fighting through serious health issues. Other then my diabetes (nothing to breeze over actually) I have been blessed with a super human constitution but I really have age and history starting to work against me.

One side affect of the whole episode was how dear friendship is. I was overwhelmed by the concern people had for me, as I had not been myself between this and other (see below) events going on in my life. It meant more then they will ever realize. I don’t actually share a lot of my issues with a lot of people and prefer to be there for them. I guess that’s a flaw in my character or maybe just how I was brought up. I am thankful for the people who won’t accept that and keep on me about what’s wrong. Keeping bottled up isn’t healthy. On the other hand it did help clarify where I stand in some friends eyes and I guess vice versa, where certain friends fall in mine. I also found myself being a hypocrite (there’s that topic again) in that with all the talk about friendship I am as guilty as anyone of letting friends slip away. It happens. The further away you get geographically and philosophically the harder it is to stay close. That said most of us have the means through modern technology to stay closer longer and if we don’t take advantage of this then we have no one to blame but ourselves. So, I’ve pledged to, and already started, to contact all those I feel slipping away or really, I just plain miss. It’s not easy but I’m trying. My hope is making a massive road trip in early fall to see as many people in a short time as possible.

Real quick (as if I’m capable of that) on other shit:

- Refinance- was going swimmingly and fell apart day I was to close. No idea why as I keep hearing I’m a “home run” but whatever. I have time just wanted it over.

- Toe- all better. Will revisit issue at the end of the month and decide whether or not just having toe nail removed is the best idea

- I’m going to the Sox game in Philly in June. Yay

- I was sick Tuesday. By that I mean I called into work. It means I vomited. Neither of these events had occurred since Dec 26, 1999. Yes, kind of creepy I know this. And yes, I got all the Cal Ripken jokes already. Was odd tho

- Mice- yea, they are still around. I haven’t caught any lately but I still here the little fuckers at night. It just stinks having to think so much about how and where you store food. I also fear the mice that have died under my cabinets etc coming back to haunt me in the form of rotting corpses. This really has me out of sorts as it makes you feel dirty even if it’s not your fault

I guess that’s it for now. I know I haven’t been on Myspace much and that’s likely to be the case. It simply doesn’t do much for me anymore. I love writing and reading blogs, hearing from friends, posting and looking at pictures but these days most of the people I hear from on Myspace are the same one’s I hear from in “real life” so it’s become redundant. As much as I once loved Myspace I now find it can be an exercise in mixed signals, drama, and confusion. I don’t need more of that then I already have thank you. I’ll never give it up, as there are some people it’s my only connection to and they mean enough to me to keep me somewhat attached. Anyone who ever wants to talk I’ll give you my cell and email and I promise I’ll be there for you.

Just a special shout out to a friend going through some issues. Good luck tomorrow and let’s hope for the best.

Thoughts, rants, and musings

2008-03-07T11:53:00.002-05:00

Just some random shit been on my mind:

I like to stay on the outskirts of things, to be a supporting rather then a lead player. You know, that part of the group that your happy to see, is always near by, but never so involved he gets caught up in the drama. I can’t always do this but it is my preferred position
You know it’s bad when gas drops to $2.99 a gallon and everyone is excited about it. I don’t really know nor care about the politics of the whole thing but it sucks balls when you have to actually think about how much it’s going to cost you for what used to be routine drives
I think I’m just lazy and indifferent at this point but I can’t figure people obsessed with whatever fill in the blanks recreational activity is their bailiwick. It tends towards, but is not limited to, seasonal activities. Skiing, snowmobiling, golfing, ATV’s, hell even concerts. I just have never been that caught up in anything (ok, except maybe drinking haha) that I would regularly schedule my life around it rather then it around my life
Yield signs are rarely if ever obeyed when entering onto the highway etc from a ramp. It’s such a waste of time as practically no one ever looks to the point it’s actually the persons in the right lane looking to exit that are forced to yield to those entering
I miss people wearing baseball caps like baseball caps. You can say it’s fashion sense, generational, ethnicity etc but the bottom line is a BASEBALL cap is worn visor pointed straight ahead, visor bent. They were designed to keep the sun out of your eyes while playing baseball. I’ll give a little leniency to wearing it straight back but that’s really for catchers. This sideways, off kilter, straight visor bullshit has got to go. OR if that’s what you insist on, come up with a new name like, “I-think-I’m-all-urban-and-ghetto” hats
Obsession is a terrible thing and I’ve found my Obsession; The Food Network. I didn’t know where to find this channel a year ago. Now nary a day goes by I don’t tune in. Be it the geeky science obsessed Alton Brown, the strangely proportioned and annoying Rachel Ray, the oddly sexy Paula Deen (no I can’t explain it) and the rest of the merry band of foodies. I don’t know if it’s my desire to become a better cook or simply that the entertainment value is just simply better then that of network TV.
People riding their bicycles in the snow. Don’t get it. Never will

Having been there, done that, I can’t understand how many people risk life, limb, and their jobs continually driving after having WAY too much to drink. I have friends with 2 strikes against them and drive for a living who continue to drive while shattered, friends with kids at home who drive smashed regularly, and friends who just simply refuse, despite forgetting how they got home (and they drove), have mystery scratches or dents etc, to think they are too drunk to drive. Now some of you are likely laughing with this coming from me but if you know me I walk, bus, or cab or have a designated driver whenever I’m going out power drinking. I just don’t want to see people I care about make the same mistake I made…or worse

The best medicine?

2008-03-04T10:42:00.002-05:00

Ok, admittedly I have been a bit down of late and disappointed in people (and therefore myself) who I have always considered close and important. It’s a cold slap in the face when you realize you couldn’t be more wrong and that most people care only about themselves or, at the very least, never about you. I guess maybe I’m just cut from a different cloth then a lot of my “friends” in that I’m there for them no matter how small the issue and yet so many wouldn’t know if I lost both of my arms in an accident unless it was because I couldn’t dial my phone to get back to them the minute they had another minor crisis. This is not most or even the majority of my friends but really a select few who in my wildest imagination would never be like that. In some cases it’s sunk as low as lack of appreciation for unselfish acts. Weird.

Well, all that said, leave it to real friends to restore my faith in people. About a month ago I made plans to go to New York City with 3 friends. MY friend Marc who, if you’ve read my blogs over the years, is a great friend I see a lot, Cliff who I see now and then (ironically he lives just around the corner from me but with kids etc he’s not around as much) and Chuck who is now living in VA and I rarely see at all. As the trip loomed looked less forward to it. I have a laundry list of stuff going on right now ranging from home and car issues, some health stuff, etc (please Kevin, if you read this don’t go into panic mode lol). None is major but added up it’s had me on the edge. So much was on my mind I didn’t think I’d have fun and New York is not my favorite place to begin with. Well, if laughter is the best medicine I declare myself cured. I haven’t laughed this much since I went to Ireland with the same group. I mean, LAUGHED. At one point I laughed so hard I was sweating, had tears running down my face and my nose started bleeding which naturally, had my friends laughing even harder (I know a real pretty picture). All we did was eat and drink and make fun of each other and ourselves. I don’t know how much anyone else would have loved it but it was totally us. Gone for a few days were worries of front brakes, refinancing, infected toes, transmissions, and mice. They all still exist but seem a little less important. I won’t bore you with a blow-by-blow recounting of the trip, as no one else would find it funny

My point is twofold. First friendship, real friendship can make everything feel better and makes me appreciate my REAL friends more. Secondly I realize that there are some friends who just make you feel better and others that tend to make you feel bad. I really don’t need anymore of the latter and more of the former. Chuck and Cliff, while I don’t see them that much, make me laugh and are great, great friends and Marc is my friend through and through. Most of you who will actually read this know you’re my friends so it’s not likely you fall into the care less category (some might tho haha) but should know that at the end of the day each and every one of you is important to me.

Stars in Their Eyes

2008-01-31T19:15:00.000-05:00

With the recent death of Heath Ledger and Britney’s continued meltdown I’ve been thinking a lot about our obsession with celebrity. Robert Wuhl (very underrated funnyman) did a couple of specials on HBO called Assume the Position that goes on to show that America has always been a society of “star fuckers” as he called it. He contends that throughout history it’s been the most famous persons of the time that got the credit for famous discoveries and events not necessarily the most important people. So why do we care more about the death of Heath Ledger then your best friend’s grandmother? Why is what’s happening to Britney, LiLo, and Brangelina keep us more enthralled then what’s going on at our kids’ school? Why do we give a crap about no talents like Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian who are famous just because their parents are (and because of sex tapes) more then the doctors out there trying to cure cancer? I’m not really sure but we do. I’m going to take at look at this from my own twisted perspective and as I tend to get long winded (I know you’re shocked) I think I’ll break it into at least blogs (please, hold the applause).

So, onward and upward!

Call them the media, paparazzi, or cockroaches; whatever you call them they may be the people most responsible for this star fucking society. Never at any time has there been more different media devoted to famous people. Sure, there were always the tabloids and society columns etc but we now have at least 2 full time networks, 8 billion internet sites, radio shows, etc all telling us who to love, who to hate, who’s in and who’s out. It seems the media has 2 jobs. One is to build up celebrity to a point they couldn’t possibly live up to those standards and the other is when they don’t live up to these standards to drag them down. It’s a fine line between fame and infamy.

I always find that when the media gets behind someone and then turns on them it’s usually because there is some aspect of their personal lives, which they feel the public would disapprove. OK, I get that but here’s the thing, just because you’re famous doesn’t mean you are a good or nice person. If you were a mean, nasty, anti-social prick before you became famous, why pretend to be nice now? I always love the concept of they “owe” their fans something be it an autograph, etc. Um, no, no they don’t. They are doing a job; you pay them to do their job because what they do entertains you. That’s where the obligation ends. If what they do sops entertaining you, you stop paying to see it. That’s it. Because you do something well does that mean you now deserve to have cameras in your face, people asking for autographs while at dinner with your family, or having stories about your personal life dragged out in the open? Not where I’m from. Who doesn’t have a co-worker who’s a prick? A parent of your kid’s friend with a drinking problem? A relative cheating on their spouse? Are they laid to waste in front of the whole world because of this? No, not hardly. Does it make them lesser people? Do you think more of Johnny Depp knowing he’s the most accommodating man in Hollywood to fans or less of Will Ferrell because he’s the least? Well, probably.

I guess in reality celebrity is like making a deal with the devil. There is nary a star today who could have climbed to the heights they have with out cozying up to the media or at least not being combative with them. They are happy to ride this wave to super stardom then are surprised when their very relationship with the media opens the cracks in the foundation for their demise. Britney was just a cute kid from the Mickey Mouse Club that could carry a tune (sort of) until the media turned her into an underage sexpot and biggest super star since Madonna. When, however, her unstable behavior came to the forefront they were the same one’s tearing her apart. And you know what? You loved it (well except the “Leave Britney Alone” guy…um, girl, um, whatever). We call this Schadenfreude (you of course remember my famous schadenfreude blog, right?) It’s human nature to feel a little bit good about someone who had it all losing it. It’s a slippery slope people.

So, really, why do we care? Quite simply is famous people are created by the media to have so much more then we do, lead such glamorous, perfect, fabulous lives that we live in awe of them and envy their lives. What we don’t realize is that every one of them, famous or not, are human beings and subject to human frailty just like you and me. The problem is when they show the weak side of their humanity we are ready to jump on them with golf shoes. Me? I say let them live tier lives. If you enjoy their shows, movies, music, or sport then great. What they do with their own time should be their own. So, leave Britney alone, let Heath rest in piece and not become the new (and trust me, he’s not) James Dean, let Tom Brady visit his super model girlfriend in peace without making the front page. Let’s enjoy them for who they are and what they do and worry about more important shit like say, our own lives.

Got my eye on you

2008-01-17T11:16:00.000-05:00

So, it's been a while since my angry man routine. Just haven't felt like bothering. But a lot of stuff been bugging me lately so here I go. Am I talking about you? Maybe. You tell me...

Dudes in droopy drawers-Ok, enough is enough. Pull up your damned pants. No one wants to be seeing your nasty ass boxers. Clothing trends tend to come and go but this one won’t go away. If 1% of the white boy wannabes from the suburbs had even one clue as to where and why the look evolved they’d be pulling their pants up to their eyeballs. Call me a 40 something white guy with no fashion sense but having to suffer through seeing guys walking around getting chaffed for the sake of fashion and worse, me having to endure seeing their boxers, but I know ridiculous when I see it. If you’re older then 18 (and I’m being generous), pull up your damned pants…and straighten out your hats while you’re at it!!

Noisy personal habits- I’ll be even more direct here, if you’re older then 8 and can’t drink out of a water or soda bottle without suckling on it like mothers teat or chew gum without sounding like a cow chewing the worlds densest cud you should be bent and driven with a spiked bat. That’s all I got to say there

Perfunctory remarks- Look, if you’re going to give me a bullshit line (nice day outside, cold enough for you, thank god it’s not snow, etc) save your breath as I don’t give a fuck. If you have something of value to say, I’m all ears and willing to have a conversation. It’s just so insulting like as if saying “I’m really not interest in talking to you but polite society says I must…asshole”. My favorite? Patriots Playoff game, haven’t missed a game all season and am asked “you gonna watch the game tonight”? Naw, I figured what’s the point I’ll just rent Good Luck Chuck instead

Time Bandits-Time, the never-ending puzzle and ultimate crutch. Bad things tend to happen when you have too much of it on you hands and nothing gets done when you don’t have enough of it. Me, I’m not buying it and I’m also guilty of it. I just don’t blame time for everything. Take 5 seconds and see how far you can walk. Then a minute, then 5 minutes. You’d be surprised. The fact of the matter is most people (I’ll give you parents with young kids a pass) have more free time then they know what to do with. Realistically the thing we don’t have time for are the things we really don’t wanna do. Period. We always seem to find the time to squeeze in what we consider important. So, while time is both precious and aplenty think hard before telling me you didn’t have time to do something (and I will as well)

Sick of being sick- I openly admit I’ve been sick more the last 2 years then ever before. However in my family a cold is not considered sick. I also typically live by the creed of suffer in silence. Now, if someone asks how I’m feeling I’ll respond shitty if that is indeed the case and that ends it. What I’m tired of people whining and complaining and carrying on about their symptoms. The emphasized nasally voice, asking everyone what to take, constantly reminding everyone about how long they’ve been sick. I guess this is limited mostly to work and family as most of my friends don’t carry on like that (and really just my dad and one sister do). I think part is for sympathy, part for attention, and part as a lead in to banging in sick (which I am, by the way, starting my 8th straight year without doing…just saying)

Man, this time of the year I could go on and on but I’ll stop here…for now. But watch your ass, I’ll be picking on you soon ;)

Tilting at Windmills

2007-10-24T14:18:00.000-05:00

The expression tilting at windmills or more commonly, fighting windmills, is derived from the tales of Cervantes legendary Don Quixote and his delusion filled life as a chivalric knight doing good deeds for no other reason then the glory of it and/or the love of a woman who more then likely didn’t exist. The problem was that what he fought wasn’t real and those he helped didn’t need or want it. Most notably was when he told loyal companion Sancho Panza his intent to fight those “giants” only to have Sancho point out they were not giants but simply windmills. Undaunted and unbelieving, Quixote fought the hapless windmill to a draw. Tilting at windmills has since become a euphemism for anyone fighting an imaginary enemy or fighting for something that simply doesn’t exist. While most considered Quixote a fool there is something simple, noble and brave about him and his approach to life and what is important to him.

For the past several years I’ve been tilting at windmills more then I care to admit. I let my most endearing traits (at least I hope so haha), which are also my fatal flaws, of loyalty, friendship, and love cloud my judgment and led to me fighting my own windmills. And yes, despite the efforts of many of my own personal Sancho’s, I’ve continued to believe things to be what they aren’t, never were, and likely never will be. I’ve longed and wished and hoped and tried but no amount of wishing, hoping, or positive thinking could make my delusions a reality. Things simply are what they are and it’s high time I realized this. In life, quite simply, no matter what your level of loyalty, friendship, or love, if that isn’t returned, to some above average degree, then keep lining up those windmills for us to run headlong into. I feel like the fool that most people labeled Quixote but sometimes wonder if there isn’t something noble and chivalric about the way I treat those I care about despite the hurt that comes along with these feelings often not reciprocated.

I’m not saying I won’t still hope and dream. Hell, I’m one of the biggest dreamers I know and always will be. If we didn’t dream what would be the point of dragging our sorry asses out of bed every day? What I need to do better is separate truth from fiction, delusion from reality and those that truly care for me from those only capable of caring for themselves. I have often said if you lower your expectations you’ll never be disappointed. Well, that’s cynical even for me and I don’t want to live that way any more. I need to spend more time in the “real” world and less time in the hopeful, pretend, wish-it-could-be world. Mostly I need to be a better judge of people and situations. All that said, by and large I like myself, my set of morals and values so that’s not likely to change.

My name is Rich and I’m a windmill tilter. I’m not sure if that’s a good or bad thing but for better or worse it’s who I am.

Thank you for your (in)consideration

2007-09-25T13:53:00.000-05:00

I’ve found lately I’ve been in a rotten mood and totally disliking people. I am often perplexed by the lack of human decency and consideration people have towards one another. All I seem to encounter are rude, self absorbed, selfish people. I know this is probably a bit exaggerated but it seems that way. From total strangers to friends and acquaintances it seems my tolerance for ignorance is quickly dissipating. I’m sure there are a million examples but I’ll just throw out a few;

1) In a crowded situation such as a bar, club, or street festival, a friendly tap on the shoulder and an “excuse me” is the universal signal for “I’m trying to get by” which, when the person doesn’t respond the 2nd tap and “excuse me” is closer to “let me get by you ignorant fuck”
2) When shopping for groceries a) get the hell off your phone b) don’t leave your shopping cart wherever the hell is convenient for you regardless of inconveniencing others c) have a purpose to your shopping and don’t stand in my way with your thumb up your ass d) if you used a carriage please put it back where it belongs NOT wherever you feel like and take up valuable parking space. This all goes double at any Whole Foods Market in greater Boston as I swear all the organic food makes the customers ruder
3) If you see someone waiting to pull out of a parking lot on a busy street, every now and then, let him or her in. Vice versa, if someone does this for you, a friendly wave is considered proper etiquette. If not, at least have the decency to get off your phone and drive with a purpose, not like an asshole.
4) Leaning on your horn in no situation does any good. It just doesn’t. I friendly tap on the horn to remind some ignorant that they have a green light works fine, unless of course they are on their phone in which case I say ram their cars!
5) Every now and then, ask someone, particularly someone who always asks you, how THEY are doing. Don’t call, write, text, etc only when you have issues. Almost everyone has issues just some don’t talk about them as much as others. Be pro-active and say, so, how are YOU doing now and then. You might be surprised how much you’d find out about someone. Nothing is more likely to wear you down then always being on the “listening” end of problems and never on the “talking” end (one of the main reasons I don’t chat on-line much anymore)
6) Please, please, please…get the hell off your phone! I mean, seriously, how many calls that people refuse to get off of are actually important? Beyond that, do you really think the rest of the world want so hear your one-sided conversation? Or be stuck next to you on the bus or train? In the seat next to you waiting to take off at the airport? Behind you driving while you go 5 miles an hour drifting from lane to lane?
7) Don’t show up to a store 5 minutes before closing. Period (unless it’s a liquor or beer store of course). For once, reverse the roles and imagine it was your job, whatever you do, and just as you’re ready to leave you have to deal with some dickhead who is now taking up “your time”. Well, guess what, when you show up at a store or business 5 minutes before close, that’s what you’re doing. Be considerate because honestly, your time is no more important then theirs

I’ve really been letting this stuff bother me lately. Maybe I’m too sensitive. Maybe I’m too nice. Maybe I should just start being more selfish, rude, self-centered, self-absorbed and simply only care about myself from now on like the rest of the world. Probably be easier but you know, I wouldn’t be me and I kind of like who I am

Wedding Day Blues

2007-09-20T15:38:00.000-05:00

I have always loved weddings (especially if I know it’s not mine…*rim shot please*) and I attended one this past weekend that should have fallen into that “love” category but didn’t. My friend John, who I have known since high school but really, been friends with since post-college, decided to tie the knot! I was excited at the thought of a really fun wedding, as I would know a lot of people going. We have common people although except John himself and Marc, one of my best friends, most are acquaintances rather then friends. But still, after seeing everyone at the bachelor party I was even more excited. In addition they were having a bring your kids etc pig roast the day before your wedding which, if you know me, is more right up my ally. So, sounds like I’d have a great time, right? Well, yes, and, no. The pig roast, the wedding, everything was great but from the start until finish of the actual wedding I felt like a man out of place and totally uncomfortable with himself.

I was never relaxed and was pacing like, as Marc’s girlfriend Lisa put it, like a caged animal. I have some theories on my I felt like the party crasher who no one was quite sure was there but, honestly, I can only think of feeling like this once before and it was a wedding many years ago and, in some cases, the situation was similar.

1) Most of my best friends also at the wedding were IN the wedding. This meant I was part of the group at the reception early and was amongst couples and significant others of people in the wedding party. Again, this shouldn’t have bothered me as all were friends but was kind of a reminder of the only single person within our group not married or anything resembling that

2) It was an older crowd. By that I mean MY age or close. I was really shocked by how old all my friends had gotten in attitude if not physically. There were exceptions for sure but I was stunned that by 7:00 for a wedding reception that ended at 9:00 a 3rd of the crowd, and more importantly, more then a 3rd of the grooms wedding party was long gone before the bride and grooms last dance. There were reasons ranging from babysitters to physical ailments (and the Sox and Pat’s playing at the same time). I was not only there until the end but got home, changed and caught the 2nd half of the Pat’s game and was out until 2:00 in the morning!!

3) I felt like I was on the cusp. I am just on the fringe of regular friends with most of the people I knew (except Marc) whereas they’ve all been a tight group forever. Oh, trust me, I get along awesomely with all of them but again, just on the fringe.

4) I was traveling solo. I know I know, I always do but it is different when you’re going into this kind of environment. Something about showing up alone just kinda sucks. I could have gotten a ride but both people offering were people leaving early and I wasn’t comfortable leaving that early

5) I wasn’t drinking. Well, not really. I don’t get drunk and drive and since I was driving (see above) and the ride home was nearly 40 minutes, I was a good boy. Now, this doesn’t mean I need to drink to have fun but it certainly would have calmed my jangled nerves.

Honestly, the wedding was great. John was in his glory. Dawn looked Beautiful. The food was as good as I’ve had at a wedding. I met some new people and the weather was

Private eyes, they're watching you...

2007-09-13T10:20:00.000-05:00

I’ve had had people ask why my blogs are typically more of an Andy Rooney minute or Dennis Miller rant then an actual web log of my life. Well, the answer is twofold. First, I don’t find my day-to-day life all that interesting. I have certainly done many blogs about my life (turning 40, hot dog trip, etc) but over time have gone to my more familiar, less person blogs. I think the “I got up and took a shit today” and “work sucked today” blogs are boring and self-absorbed…well, I guess most blogs are but that’s beside the point. I guess I’d just as soon try and bring some of my (I hope) witty little observations on how I see things. That will continue to be my focus. If you really want to know more about my day-to-day life, buy me a beer, call me or simply ask, I’m not shy.

Now, the other reason is, as much as I will tell you as much as you’d like to know about me I’m actually kind of a private person. Stop laughing I’m serious. I feel like for parts of the last 10 years I’ve been living my life on-line. Giving out my phone number and address to anyone who’d ask, posting pictures of me and my family, giving out personal details I’d never have given away years ago. I didn’t care and I was comfortable with it. Well, it’s gotten scarier out there with stalkers, phishers, and identity theft. I had an incident recently, which many of you close to me know about where I received subtlety threatening phone calls. They knew little about me other then the floor I lived on and my phone number. It freaked me out. I took care of things on this end but started thinking about how much of myself I’ve left out there. Reading through my Myspace profile etc I realized that, given a little effort, a whole lot can be found out about me. So I’m making changes. I took my job info off my profile on Myspace and may do the same with schools. I’m thinking of making blog and pics private. It’s not fair to my family or me to leave stuff out there. I was also freaked to see how much private information my niece, whose profile is supposed to be private, left on hers and it certainly is NOT private but that will change. I’m not now nor have I ever been paranoid but there does come a time you need to smarten up.

My advice to you my friends? Look at all the places pieces of you are online. Google your name, email address, commonly used user ID’s. You might be shocked. If you think there’s too much info in the wrong places, edit it. Nothing more then your city or town should be associated with you. I’d take any specifics of my place of employment off anything (accept job search sites). This may also save you embarrassment if someone at work looks you up and you had something bad to say about him or her. If you want to blog about specific people or personal matters, make it friends only. I can tell you at least 2 times friends of mines blogs have caused them duress. If you plan to look for a new job and leave them an email address, make it a different one then is associated with your Myspace, Face Book, etc as many employers are (somewhat illegally) checking these things out. Big one…IF, in your younger days, or say, recently, you posted pictures that may be, how shall I put this…somewhat racy of yourself (yes, you can assume none of these exist of me…yuck) on like, Hot or Not, etc (not even sure if these still exist) I’d get rid of them and close my account. A little web admiration versus having this turn up at the worst time seems hardly worth the risk. From the time I started writing this blog take a look what happened to that girl from High School Musical. Not that any of us will ever be famous but look what it cost her. Bet in the long run it wasn’t worth it. And passwords? Hackers, even low level, don’t need no stinking passwords. Assume someone can get your most private stuff not on a high security encrypted (Amazon, bank sites, etc) site so be cautious.

I know this sounds crazy paranoid coming from me as I don’t typically sweat shit like this but I do fear we are all living a little more openly and a little less cautiously and leaving ourselves exposed to what could be bad. Really bad.

Taking the Hypocritic Oath

2007-08-09T11:07:00.000-05:00

*This is another of the blogs I posted on Myspace around the time of my birthday when I was just raging against everything and getting shit off my chest. Enjoy

I just need My Space!

2007-08-01T14:26:00.000-05:00

Like most of you, I’m guessing, I’ve had a love/hate affair with Myspace. I’m kind of in the hate mode right now. For me I joined Myspace to keep in touch with a friend who lived a ways away (who I no longer associate with). Eventually, mostly through a shared love of the Patriots, I made some legitimate new, great friends. Most I have been lucky enough to spend time in “real life” with. However, between work and a lack of interest when I get home I simply haven’t been on much. Part of it is the petty and immature aspects of something I once loved. There is just something about Myspace that makes people not think about other people’s feelings in what post on peoples’ profiles or leave posted on their own. I know of at least 2 relationships ruined by Myspace (and one started just to show I’m not all negative) because of things left on profiles.

I will say that Myspace can be like many other aspects of the internet (instant message, chat rooms, message boards, gaming sites) in that people grow attached to one another and maybe sometimes think there is more to it then there really is. Misunderstanding, jealousy, and hurt feelings are all very common. There can be, so I’m told, nothing quite as bracing as to view someone’s profile that you think maybe there is sort of kind of something between you and you one day read “in a relationship”. Talk about a buzz kill. Anyway, after that entire preamble I present “things I don’t necessarily love about Myspace”:

1) The politics of top friends- You know that person hanging around in your top 8 that’s been there forever even tho’ you rarely speak? Or the person who you talk to all the time (talk=message etc) that you have trouble putting in your top 4/8/12 as you’d feel bad about bumping someone else. What about real life friends who are rarely on Myspace versus your best non-real life Myspace friend? It’s like the politics of wedding list cut downs and is not an easy chore

2) False “online now” indicators- you know, so and so is on-line now. So you send a message and wait and wait, keep reloading but nothing. You’re hurt, you’re despondent, you’re most likely pathetic and in many cases you’re wrong. That thing is about as accurate as a New England meteorologist.

3) Over Bulletining- You got that add as friend request, seemed on the up and up and it turns out they simply bulletin you to death. Promoting their website, forwarding every survey and joke, asking you to attend something. Hell, if I wanted spam I’d check my e-mail

4) More info then I maybe wanted to know bulletins- someone you think you know pretty well fills out one of those foolish surveys and you read it and are like, dang, I didn’t know that nor, in many cases, did I want to. This can be particularly dangerous if the person is/was close or an ex or worse, current. Some thing are simply better left unsaid. Then again, maybe they are dropping a hint…

5) Public displays of private thoughts in comments- I’m no longer a big commenter as the more and more I check out people’s comments on their pages I notice there is just too much stuff for the world to read that should probably be private. The potential damage can be amazing. Myspace is a strange sub-division of real life and sometimes people look at their Myspace peeps in ways that maybe even they don’t know. Sometimes there’s nothing so surprising when you go to someone’s page and read “had fun last night” from someone when they told YOU they stayed home or someone visits your page and reads, “I love you” from someone who wasn’t the person it was supposed to be…even if it was in a platonic, friendly way. I think you get the drift.

There are a lot more but you get the gist. Tell me, what do you hate about Myspace?

Thank you for being a friend

2007-07-27T09:52:00.000-05:00

OK, so I've been negligent in posting here so playing catch up with my last 3 blogs which I posted to Myspace:

Defining what a friend is can be difficult as people all have different ideas of what a friend is and how to be a friend. I guess the simplest definition would be a person who means a lot to you and vice versa but is not related to you either by birth or marriage. Well, that is not always true as I have sisters and a mother who are amongst my best friend's and, realistically, unless things have gone to hell, your significant other should be amongst your best friends. As someone mostly always single and likely to be, friends are very important to me. More important at this point then any relationship I might find myself in. This could change but I also think it's just what I'm used to as I'd at this point rather spend casual, fun, good times with my friend's then the awkwardness of starting a new whatever. Rather then go on a long boring rant I will use the ever popular list format to define what a friend is to me.

Friendship, to me, is earned not just claimed. I've always hated how on Myspace you add "friends". To me you add people who may or may not become friends. I'm an easy guy to like and get to know and have an uncanny sense of people's true character but still, you need do more then know me to become my friend. I have people I rarely see who are friend's, people I see all the time who aren't and in a few, rare cases, people I've never met in the flesh (so to speak) who are.