Death of a Killer

Note: This was copied from my wrestling blog. It's a personal story but feel free to skip it-Rich O

On Saturday August 31 Walter "Killer" Kowalski left us for that great Squared Circle in the sky. Often times a wrestling name and persona is merely an extension or magnification of the person playing the part. While he was the "Killer" in the ring, outside the ring a kinder, nicer man you would have been hard pressed to find. I was lucky enough to have met the man on maybe a dozen occasions but won't claim we were friends or he could pick me out of a crowd but he always treated me with kindness and respect. I would run into him around Greater Boston in my days back on the periphery of the local wrestling scene between attending or doing security for many local shows. I was fascinated that the tall, slender, well spoken gentleman was the legendary heel "Killer" Kowalski. My friend had briefly attended his school of wrestling so we almost always spent a little time talking to him. Here are some of my personal memories of Walter (it was always Walter outside ring...if you knew him even a little, calling him Killer seemed foolish) as opposed to repeating the oft told Yukon Eric and Haystacks Calhoun stories

-While I had seen Walter in ring without knowing it (as one of the Masked Executioners along with student John "Big John Studd" Minton) in my early wrestling fan days it was really a locally produced and broadcast wrestling program called Bedlam From Boston that I really got a good taste of the Killer. Basically retired from wrestling he operated as the top heel and champion of this group that were mostly his students and was a way to get them television exposure. The show was in many ways laughable versus many other regional shows but once a week Walter would cut a promo that would make you see why he was such a heat magnet in his day. I also remember, almost laughably, that he would do his promo's maskless then wear a hood in the ring, loading it up with a foreign object for the tainted win. As I understood pro wrestling more and more I was told it was because the mask allowed him to not worry about losing his hairpiece. I never found out if that was true and honestly wouldn't ever have asked

-When I got to college and met my friend and wrestling buddy for decades to come he opened my eyes to how stuff really was. He kept me around the whole scene without ever becoming part of it. He only briefly attend the Killer Kowalski Institute of Pro Wrestling but when ever we went somewhere he could pick out a student of Walter's just by watching them work. He say "Walter would make you do this 1,000 times, Walter stressed this, Walter wouldn't let you do that". He taught his students how to wrestle the way he learned through strong basics, in-ring psychology, and high spots where they were appropriate, not all over the place. If you read all those attributes and don't see Triple H you're not paying attention.

-When we did security for ECW in Revere and Waltham Walter was almost always on hand with some of his students whether to simply watch or hopefully to get one of his guys on the under card ( I remember Walter's name being dropped in getting Erich "Mass Transit" Kulas onto the card but Walter was not there and as far as I know, Kulas was not associated with him). He would always be there watching, critiquing, and offering advice. Most of the boys had respect for Walter and eventually they had a night where former students Perry Saturn and John Kronus honored him before the local crowd as the father of extreme wrestling

-I was at a show at a local armory with maybe 50 people in attendance by the time I got there. We stood near the back and watched as a friend of ours was working the show. A guy by the name of Rick Fuller who had a job with WCW at the time was headlining (a talented and damn nice guy btw). In the course of his match he threw a guy over the ropes and through the table where Walter's audio equipment was. This was NOT a planned spot and Walter let him have it giving him a tongue lashing all the way from the ring to the dressing room about carelessness, respect for the industry, and why he'll never be big time. It was a little excessive, a little uncalled for but that was Walter.

-My most personal story. My friend and I had flown to Philadelphia for a big NWA anniversary show. The show was actually about 30 minutes away in Cherry Hills, NJ. All sorts of big names were scheduled to be there including Lou Thesz, Harley Race, Abdullah the Butcher, "Dr Death" Steve Williams, Dory Funk Jr (there with "before they were famous students" Kurt Angle, Randy Orton and many others)and many others. As we puller out of the airport in our rental, there's Walter standing in the pick up/drop off area looking perturbed. My friend rolls down his window and asks if everything is OK and Walter tells him one of his students was supposed to pick him up an hour ago. So we give him a ride. It was great as this fearsome man in his clipped Midwestern totally unique accent, traveling with no more then a small duffel bag and his camera bag, regaled us with story after story. It was a ride I will never forget.

As I said, I won't claim to have been a friend of Walter "Killer" Kowalski but did know him a little. He wouldn't know my name if asked but was always ready with a "thank you young man". He was a simple, kind, respectful man. I don't think he died a wealthy man as his best days in ring ended well before there was big money to be made but from everything I know, have heard or read he was rich with friends, stories, and experiences. Not a bad life.

Rest well Walter

9 Lives

Monday I waited and waited for the call to come in and when it finally did my mother put it simply “the doctor said dad must have nine lives as he dodged the bullet again”. What a huge sigh of relief…but wait, I guess I’m getting ahead of myself. Let’s rewind a bit:

Some of you know my dad’s story some don’t so in brief (haha…me, brief) my dad was your typical dad of the era. Lot’s of kids and worked lots of hours to make ends meet. He wasn’t around a ton as a result and when he was he was typically beat and grouchy from long, hard hours. But he was always a good dad. About 30 years ago he quit drinking cold turkey as he had issues with it and never looked back. About 15 years ago he stopped smoking for good after a few misfires. At age 60 he took an early retirement buy out and around the same time had full hip replacement. Well, the inactivity for a guy who doesn’t drive and had no real hobbies and honestly nothing to keep him preoccupied (along with the psychological damage from my sister’s tragic passing) was BAD for him and he started to become a shell of himself mentally and physically. It was scary. While all this was happening, hip pain was recurring. The pain killers kept him awake, the sleeping pills made him pee, the urologist said it was not normal for pills to make you pee so a quick scan revealed a massive tumor on his kidney. They took the whole kidney and that was that. In short order, over the next few years he had his gall bladder take, suffered what may have been a breakdown, and had his other hip done. As he is now 70 he has a full body scan done every year and this year something turned up…on his lung. OK, back to where we started…

Things have been so awesome for him lately mentally as he’s back to being the normal pain in the ass he always was and not the “crazy” pain in the ass he’s been the better part of the 2000’s. We worried the news of a growth on his lung would cause him to come unglued. But he simply said I’m getting all my stuff in order just in case but until we find out, we aren’t to talk about it in any way but positive. Wow, way to go dad!! As a result I found myself putting it to the back of my mind until, with a week to go and dealing with someone at work who has a sibling struggling with cancer that I started thinking, holy crap, dad could have lung cancer. I mean, CANCER! I never questioned the fact that dad and mom could handle it no matter what but was unsure of myself. You always judge people, whether you mean to or not, with how they handle certain situations. I’ve always thought I’d be the tough, strong, there for you no matter type of guy but now I was questioning it. I was, plain as I can say it, scared to death as, even as they’re getting older, I can’t imagine my parents not around. What was harder is I’m a guy and Irish so I didn’t share these feeling with anyone until the very days before hand. To add to the emotional duress, my sister Eileen one year to the date of major reconstructive knee surgery broke the tibia on her leg just below the bad knee teaching an aerobics class and had to have emergency surgery and my brother in-law’s step dad was placed in hospice care to live out his remaining days

Well, he really does have 9 lives. 3 cancerous tumors were successfully removed. It wasn’t “lung cancer” but rather cancer cells from the kidney tumor years ago. As of now he’s clean and won’t need chemotherapy or radiation treatments but it could turn up somewhere again so he needs due diligence. He scheduled to come home tomorrow where my poor mom will have both him and my sister laid up for the next week or so. Poor mom lol. It was scary to me more then any of his other issues for some reason and my level of relief were hard to calculate. He’ll never know how scared and worried I was because we’re not like the but, man, am I happy to still have him in the relative good health he’s in. Way to go dad, way to go!

By(e) George!

“Shit, Piss, Fuck, Cunt, Cocksucker, Motherfucker, and Tits”

Comedic genius, rebel, and all around madman George Carlin coined this immortal phrase in referencing the 7 words you could not broadcast (originally on radio later updated to T.V.). It may seem tame to those whose first exposure to totally unfiltered comedy was Dane Cook or the like but George was doing this since the 60’s. He took comedy from buttoned down to over the top pretty much single handedly. So for anyone who laughed at Eddie Murphy, Dennis Leary, Dave Chappelle or Louis Black, thank George Carlin. If you ever laughed at the witticisms of Dennis Miller, Bill Mahr, or Jon Stewart, thank George Carlin. Hell, if you are a fan of shock radio it can be traced back to George Carlin. George Carlin died quietly last week and it may take some time for the world to catch up to what we lost.


I’m probably somewhat bitter as Tim Russert’s passing was viewed like as if an ex-president had died while George went with barely a passing mention. I have nothing against Mr. Russert he really wasn’t a part of my life. Well, I suppose neither was George directly but a lot of what I consider my own sense of humor and how I look at things can be traced back to George Carlin. I could go back and look up the year but I know it was in the mid-80’s when the fledgling Home Box Office (before being known by it’s eponymous initials H.B.O.) broadcast Carlin at Carnegie. Now, I had seen George Carlin on Saturday Night Live, had heard both edited and unedited versions of some of his famous material but nothing like this. Nothing was free from his barbs. Religion, sex, politics, the poor, the rich, and charity…you name it. I continued to follow his H.B.O. specials and even seeing him live. But it was that one special that kind of opened my eyes to just how screwed up the world was and was the beginning of my seeing things from “a slightly different perspective”. It probably wasn’t until I was getting closer to the age he was when I first saw his act that I realized just how ground breaking and fearless this guy was. He was hardly a saint and lived a hard life so his passing at age 70 (or 71 I’ve heard conflicting ages) was hardly a shock but I felt a pang of sadness on hearing about it


My final memory of Mr. Carlin was a special he did a couple of years ago. I was away and sitting in bed with a lady friend watching the start of the special. After the cheering died down as he walked out on stage he uttered the following 2 words…”pussy farts”. Well, I simply started belly laughing just at the words and how this late 60 something legend said it. About a minute into the routine I was crying laughing and she was turning the channel saying, “that’s not that funny and you’re stupid”. Well, actually he WAS that funny. There was no dark corner he wouldn’t enter, no subject too taboo, no group he was afraid to piss off and for that, thank you George! You will be missed

Hey, I'm walking here!

It’s finally Spring so you know what that means! Opening Day? Flowers blooming? Mother’s Day? All affirmative but no, more then all that it’s Walk season! Yes, the Walk for Hunger, Aid’s Walk, MS Walk, etc. Each and everyone an ultra, ultra worthy causes. However, you knew there would be a however, are there too many? I say thee YES! The problem is three-fold. First, it’s the car alarm effect where you just sop noticing, second is the redundancy in that it seems there are walks for the same cause multiple times by multiple groups and lastly, the well of money’s to give just comes dry now and again. I think people with causes and those that support them are phenomenal individuals but I question how effective this form of funding has become. I’m not cold or anything and I have both supported and participated in walks I just feel the original idea has kind of gone astray.

The original concept of walks for raising funds for charity was to also raise awareness almost in the same vein of the protests of the 60’s and 70’s by a show of unity in a public forum. Previous to this most efforts were can collections, raffles, something like basketball marathon (sponsored $$$ per basket etc), which raised money but not awareness. The walks did both and actually continue to raise money. The awareness part…I’m not so sure anymore. There are simply too many, stacked one on top of or right after one another every weekend. I think people’s reaction has become indifferent as in “oh god, another friggin walk I have to wait out of change my plans”. Or if you’re a lesser-known walk maybe you don’t have the clout to get the downtown walk but rather the slightly left of center walk. What’s that? The city/state doesn’t just shut down downtown traffic at a whim and it involves planning and the like? Now, nearly all of these raise money so bottom line is they work I simply think there are soooooo many that the raising awareness, not just funds, has gone the way of the dinosaur.

What probably frustrates me most is the redundancy factor in that it seems there are multiple walks, and for that matter, charities, supporting the same cause but splitting their resources. A few years ago I did a walk for Autism, as it’s a subject near and dear to my heart. I’ve missed it the last few years but was distressed to see there was now a second group sponsoring a walk for Autism. I was just surprised because really, wouldn’t one united front mean more for awareness and research funding dollars raised? Now, maybe I’m wrong maybe 2 or 3 different groups separate from each other works better although I’m mystified as to how. I’m also not naïve and know that a lot of times charity can be a vanity thing as silly as that sounds. Here in Boston 2 well known Red Sox champion the same cause, ALS. However, both have their own foundation they are attached to carrying their own name. Wouldn’t it mean so much more for them to support the same foundation? Being the top dog of this or that charity means a lot to people. I also know sometimes there are underlying meanings (taxes and otherwise) that make having differing groups supporting the same cause. I also know some people are paid to run charities (sometimes a lot) as it entails a lot of work and sometimes there are splits over money. And lastly, as I’ve see close at hand with a group my boss’s wife runs which does unreal work. The principals who started the local chapter just had different ideas philosophically and are now splitting the local resources doing the exact same work. I don’t know enough about charity work to say I’m correct but in my humble opinion, one cause, one walk, one common united front makes for a stronger charity

The last thing is let’s face it, we all care about something but in this time of gas over $4.00 a gallon and $6.00 for a 5 pound bag of flour, money’s too tight to mention and how do we pick and choose who and what to support? I mean, how does one decide which to support? Your best friend? Cancer research? Your sister? The Homeless? It really does become a matter of how much you can give. Charity certainly does begin at home but you need to take care of your home before you can give too much to charity. As I think of just off the top of my head the number of causes I should be concerned with it’s staggering. Diabetes, MS, autism, depression, heart health, breast cancer, cancer research, alcoholism, children in Africa, children in South America…and on and on. Every one of those things has directly affected my family, my friends or me. So, how do you pick and choose? All are good causes, all are good events, and everyone who participates is a better person then I.

Since I started writing this diatribe the devastating cyclone that tore through Asia is most on people’s minds and a reminder that when we all look towards one goal we are so much better then when rudderless. Don’t think of me as too cynical, callous, or hard (ok, maybe hard haha) as there are very few bad causes. I simply think we need to get beyond the walk, become united in certain similar goals, and understand as much as we’d like to, most of us can only give so much to so many at any given time. I think anyone who gets up off his or her ass to raise money and participate is awesome. I just think a different type of event and more groups united in their causes would mean greater results sooner. Gosh, I really am a cynical prick

The C-Word

And now for something completely different:

I can’t think of another word in the English language that draws more ire from the female population then the “C-word” (rhymes with hunt and from this point on, for my own safety, shall be referred to as the C-word). What is it that makes this word so reviled? I mean, there must be 100 euphemisms for the female genitalia, many not very flattering, yet none elicit the response the C-word does. I’ve tried to delve somewhat into the etymology of the word but have come up with nothing definitive. For all I know the word could have ended up being pop, dog, hung, or lint. But it didn’t. So why does this word carry so much more weight? I sometimes think it’s the short, hard sound of the word that just sounds ugly. I can’t think of an uglier sounding word. Maybe it just sounds ugly cause it sounds like the word it is and had the word been say, dog, maybe that would then sound ugly…hmmm. Hell, in England, among certain groups it can be a term of endearment (Trainspotting anyone?) Let’s leave it at this. I don’t think it’s the word or the body part but referring to a person, particularly a female, as a C-word is saying you think she is the lowest of the low. Lower then “bitch”, “slut”, or “whore” for sure. In fact, used sparingly, it can be a very powerful statement (think Richard Gere telling Lynette what she was in An Officer and a Gentleman). No matter how you slice it, other then maybe the N-word (which has no place even being part of the vocabulary in my opinion) there is no word you are likely to hear uttered that will elicit such an almost uniform negative response.

I can't relate

Its time for my annual blog about the one subject I know least; relationships. Just to get the caveats out of the way I mean intimate couple relationships, I’m not looking for sympathy, and these are simply MY views so I may come off as shallow and selfish but its MY blog so deal. OK, now that’s out of the way…For the last calendar year I have not, for the first time in a few years, been involved with any kind of relationship of any kind orthodox or unorthodox. I also realize this is probably where I’m most comfortable. I’ve never been a relationship guy, which likely explains how odd my last several relationships have been; younger, long distance, younger and long distance, younger, long distance and a relationship in only one person’s eyes…you get the drift. The one thing they all had in common was lack of total commitment and space. Now, commitment part, don’t get me wrong, I’m as fiercely loyal as the day is long its just all that goes along with that…be patient, I’ll get there. Space, well, yeah, until you grew up in a house of 8 you don’t even know what space is. I’ve never really been in many long relationships so I guess lot of the “stuff” that goes along with it mystifies me. I mean, in a relationship 2 people love each other, right? What I look at and see going on amongst my peers in their relationships makes me wonder if I’m not better off as is. I simply think I’ve been single too long and can’t imagine some of the stuff that goes along with relationships in my eyes. I think someone would have to break my will, spirit, and very essence of what makes me who I am for me to be who I would have to become. So, here are the top relationship phenomenons I either don’t understand or don’t see myself conforming to:

1. Having “hand”- Marc and I speak of this a lot. I think it’s originally form an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm. It’s the concept of someone being alpha in any relationship. The person who wears the pants so to speak. The person with whom every decision is made. The one who makes the other grovel and beg for each and every thing they want or need to do. I’m sorry to say ladies that in 100% of the cases in my life of relationships where one person has “hand” it is the female who has it. This emasculating coexistence and the fact that people not only deal with it by strive in it may be the number one thing I don’t “get”. I’ve never been the alpha in any group yet not one to run with the pack either. I simply don’t want anyone controlling my life 100%. Not my parents, not my boss, and certainly not someone I love
2. Constant contact- I get aggravated more then you can imagine with people whose significant other calls or requires then to call a half a dozen times during the work day. Now, some have kids, some have sick people to tend to, housing projects, etc. However, most of the conversations are more like this “ok, I will, I’ll talk to you later”. “Things are good here, I’ll talk to you later”. Again, I feel this is more a show of “hand” by the alpha to keep a short leash. This also extends to the checking in while I’m out with my friends call, I’m at a business meeting call, the I’m on my way home from the gym call, etc. I don’t need, want, nor understand the concept of anyone wanting that much control or more the point, anyone allowing them to be controlled that much. Again, I know there are times in everyone’s lives more calls are needed so please don’t give me the “you don’t understand you don’t have…etc” bullshit.
3. Attached at the hip- I personally have a hard time with this. This is likely more a “me” thing then anything else. I’ve always been and worked hard to remain who I am, Rich O’Rourke. I am not now nor ever have been defined by my relationships. I don’t want to become “Rich and” when you think of me. This is totally petty but I’ve never been “Rich and” so I don’t get it. I really like how things are right now. If I want to go out with MY friends, I go out with my friends without having to feel guilty, if I don’t want to come home after work, I don’t. If I want to lay around in my underwear reading all day on my day off, I can. I can fly or drive to see whomever I want, male or female, by myself, without hurting anyone’s feelings. I don’t have to pretend YOUR friends are MY friends just because we’re us. I don’t share the remote, can shower as much or little as I want, go days without shaving…you get the point. It’s not very often you get to live your life, with the exception of the boundaries of work, with the sense of total freedom I have right now, at this point, at 41 years old. I think this would be my greatest hurdle to cross if ever I was to be in a relationship.
4. Manipulation- Ugh, I see this too much. Sometimes it’s subtle, sometimes overt, and sometimes downright public. I swear, I know these people love each other but all they do is tweak, embarrass, maneuver, and browbeat their significant other to get their way right then and there or setting them up for somewhere down the line. Lying, scheming, hurting…I see it everyday by some of the people I love and respect more then anyone. I don’t get how you can live your life treating the person you love most like this. They use every tool they have, and in the case of women, the threat of not getting any (guys are so easy to manipulate) to get what they want no matter the hurt. And it runs the gamut from guilt trips for going out to set up going out themselves, making someone change what they’re wearing to something they like more, to making a huge decision they are opposed to simply to keep the peace with their significant other. This, more then anything else, makes me shake my head

Like I started by saying much of that sounds small, petty, and selfish but it’s where I’m at. I’m not ruling out falling in love hard enough to see past some of these things, hell a few years back I thought I was in love enough I totally put up with and did shit I never thought I was capable of. But I honestly think I’m too far-gone. Use whatever euphemism you prefer; old dogs, leopards spots, wild spirits being broken, etc. I truly love my life and lifestyle. For every period of loneliness I endure, there are times of true joy over things I love doing I couldn’t in a relationship. You fill in the lonely times with things you love to do. For me it’s reading, the gym, going to the bar, and cooking. OK, sex can’t really be replaced (haha) but at the end of the day while important, I won’t make wrong decisions based around it (I swear more people have fucked up for the sake of getting some then for love or money throughout history). Again, this is not throwing in the towel. Gosh, I mean, who doesn’t wanna fall head over heel in love? And I still hold hope, although unlikely, of kids. But I’m a realist. I am from a family with clearly drawn lines. Half went on to have huge families and half to be single their whole lives so I’m comfortable either way. If for the rest of my days I’m known as favorite Uncle Richie, Rich the reliable brother and son, Rich the loyal employee, Rich who is always up for a guys trip, Rich who I can always talk to when I need to as there’s no “Mrs. Rich”, or Rich who never forgot his friends for the sake of a girlfriend or wife as so many have done then I’ll die a happy and fulfilled man.

Good Luck Chuck

So, there is finally good news regarding my friend Chuck. He has been extubated and is breathing normally, aware and communicating although with some difficulty as having a tube in for so long wreaks havoc on the throat and vocal chords. It is such a relief for his wife, family, and friends and yes, Chuck himself. He is scheduled for a procedure tomorrow and hopefully heading home in the near future. His life will have to change somewhat I’m sure. It is definitely a life-defining event but sometimes that’s what it takes to focus on what’s important. I know this has been an awful strain on his wife. For the rest of his peers it’s been a struggle not only knowing what happened but that really it could have been any of us. It really made me pause and look at my eating habits, drinking habits, my beer gut, my medical conditions, my family history, and my attitude I definitely believe you only go through this life once and should live it with gusto but on the same hand one really needs to take care of ones self. Makes you rethink that pizza, 13^th beer, skipping the gym and blowing off routine doctors appointments. I can’t say this will be a moment of clarity or anything for me but it really has caused me pause. All around me I see friends and acquaintances fighting through serious health issues. Other then my diabetes (nothing to breeze over actually) I have been blessed with a super human constitution but I really have age and history starting to work against me.

One side affect of the whole episode was how dear friendship is. I was overwhelmed by the concern people had for me, as I had not been myself between this and other (see below) events going on in my life. It meant more then they will ever realize. I don’t actually share a lot of my issues with a lot of people and prefer to be there for them. I guess that’s a flaw in my character or maybe just how I was brought up. I am thankful for the people who won’t accept that and keep on me about what’s wrong. Keeping bottled up isn’t healthy. On the other hand it did help clarify where I stand in some friends eyes and I guess vice versa, where certain friends fall in mine. I also found myself being a hypocrite (there’s that topic again) in that with all the talk about friendship I am as guilty as anyone of letting friends slip away. It happens. The further away you get geographically and philosophically the harder it is to stay close. That said most of us have the means through modern technology to stay closer longer and if we don’t take advantage of this then we have no one to blame but ourselves. So, I’ve pledged to, and already started, to contact all those I feel slipping away or really, I just plain miss. It’s not easy but I’m trying. My hope is making a massive road trip in early fall to see as many people in a short time as possible.

Real quick (as if I’m capable of that) on other shit:

- Refinance- was going swimmingly and fell apart day I was to close. No idea why as I keep hearing I’m a “home run” but whatever. I have time just wanted it over.

- Toe- all better. Will revisit issue at the end of the month and decide whether or not just having toe nail removed is the best idea

- I’m going to the Sox game in Philly in June. Yay

- I was sick Tuesday. By that I mean I called into work. It means I vomited. Neither of these events had occurred since Dec 26, 1999. Yes, kind of creepy I know this. And yes, I got all the Cal Ripken jokes already. Was odd tho

- Mice- yea, they are still around. I haven’t caught any lately but I still here the little fuckers at night. It just stinks having to think so much about how and where you store food. I also fear the mice that have died under my cabinets etc coming back to haunt me in the form of rotting corpses. This really has me out of sorts as it makes you feel dirty even if it’s not your fault

I guess that’s it for now. I know I haven’t been on Myspace much and that’s likely to be the case. It simply doesn’t do much for me anymore. I love writing and reading blogs, hearing from friends, posting and looking at pictures but these days most of the people I hear from on Myspace are the same one’s I hear from in “real life” so it’s become redundant. As much as I once loved Myspace I now find it can be an exercise in mixed signals, drama, and confusion. I don’t need more of that then I already have thank you. I’ll never give it up, as there are some people it’s my only connection to and they mean enough to me to keep me somewhat attached. Anyone who ever wants to talk I’ll give you my cell and email and I promise I’ll be there for you.

Just a special shout out to a friend going through some issues. Good luck tomorrow and let’s hope for the best.

Thoughts, rants, and musings

Just some random shit been on my mind:

• I like to stay on the outskirts of things, to be a supporting rather then a lead player. You know, that part of the group that your happy to see, is always near by, but never so involved he gets caught up in the drama. I can’t always do this but it is my preferred position
• You know it’s bad when gas drops to $2.99 a gallon and everyone is excited about it. I don’t really know nor care about the politics of the whole thing but it sucks balls when you have to actually think about how much it’s going to cost you for what used to be routine drives
  
  
• I think I’m just lazy and indifferent at this point but I can’t figure people obsessed with whatever fill in the blanks recreational activity is their bailiwick. It tends towards, but is not limited to, seasonal activities. Skiing, snowmobiling, golfing, ATV’s, hell even concerts. I just have never been that caught up in anything (ok, except maybe drinking haha) that I would regularly schedule my life around it rather then it around my life
  
  
• Yield signs are rarely if ever obeyed when entering onto the highway etc from a ramp. It’s such a waste of time as practically no one ever looks to the point it’s actually the persons in the right lane looking to exit that are forced to yield to those entering
  
  
• I miss people wearing baseball caps like baseball caps. You can say it’s fashion sense, generational, ethnicity etc but the bottom line is a BASEBALL cap is worn visor pointed straight ahead, visor bent. They were designed to keep the sun out of your eyes while playing baseball. I’ll give a little leniency to wearing it straight back but that’s really for catchers. This sideways, off kilter, straight visor bullshit has got to go. OR if that’s what you insist on, come up with a new name like, “I-think-I’m-all-urban-and-ghetto” hats
  
  
• Obsession is a terrible thing and I’ve found my Obsession; The Food Network. I didn’t know where to find this channel a year ago. Now nary a day goes by I don’t tune in. Be it the geeky science obsessed Alton Brown, the strangely proportioned and annoying Rachel Ray, the oddly sexy Paula Deen (no I can’t explain it) and the rest of the merry band of foodies. I don’t know if it’s my desire to become a better cook or simply that the entertainment value is just simply better then that of network TV.
  
  
• People riding their bicycles in the snow. Don’t get it. Never will

• Having been there, done that, I can’t understand how many people risk life, limb, and their jobs continually driving after having WAY too much to drink. I have friends with 2 strikes against them and drive for a living who continue to drive while shattered, friends with kids at home who drive smashed regularly, and friends who just simply refuse, despite forgetting how they got home (and they drove), have mystery scratches or dents etc, to think they are too drunk to drive. Now some of you are likely laughing with this coming from me but if you know me I walk, bus, or cab or have a designated driver whenever I’m going out power drinking. I just don’t want to see people I care about make the same mistake I made…or worse

The best medicine?

Ok, admittedly I have been a bit down of late and disappointed in people (and therefore myself) who I have always considered close and important. It’s a cold slap in the face when you realize you couldn’t be more wrong and that most people care only about themselves or, at the very least, never about you. I guess maybe I’m just cut from a different cloth then a lot of my “friends” in that I’m there for them no matter how small the issue and yet so many wouldn’t know if I lost both of my arms in an accident unless it was because I couldn’t dial my phone to get back to them the minute they had another minor crisis. This is not most or even the majority of my friends but really a select few who in my wildest imagination would never be like that. In some cases it’s sunk as low as lack of appreciation for unselfish acts. Weird.

Well, all that said, leave it to real friends to restore my faith in people. About a month ago I made plans to go to New York City with 3 friends. MY friend Marc who, if you’ve read my blogs over the years, is a great friend I see a lot, Cliff who I see now and then (ironically he lives just around the corner from me but with kids etc he’s not around as much) and Chuck who is now living in VA and I rarely see at all. As the trip loomed looked less forward to it. I have a laundry list of stuff going on right now ranging from home and car issues, some health stuff, etc (please Kevin, if you read this don’t go into panic mode lol). None is major but added up it’s had me on the edge. So much was on my mind I didn’t think I’d have fun and New York is not my favorite place to begin with. Well, if laughter is the best medicine I declare myself cured. I haven’t laughed this much since I went to Ireland with the same group. I mean, LAUGHED. At one point I laughed so hard I was sweating, had tears running down my face and my nose started bleeding which naturally, had my friends laughing even harder (I know a real pretty picture). All we did was eat and drink and make fun of each other and ourselves. I don’t know how much anyone else would have loved it but it was totally us. Gone for a few days were worries of front brakes, refinancing, infected toes, transmissions, and mice. They all still exist but seem a little less important. I won’t bore you with a blow-by-blow recounting of the trip, as no one else would find it funny

My point is twofold. First friendship, real friendship can make everything feel better and makes me appreciate my REAL friends more. Secondly I realize that there are some friends who just make you feel better and others that tend to make you feel bad. I really don’t need anymore of the latter and more of the former. Chuck and Cliff, while I don’t see them that much, make me laugh and are great, great friends and Marc is my friend through and through. Most of you who will actually read this know you’re my friends so it’s not likely you fall into the care less category (some might tho haha) but should know that at the end of the day each and every one of you is important to me.

Stars in Their Eyes

With the recent death of Heath Ledger and Britney’s continued meltdown I’ve been thinking a lot about our obsession with celebrity. Robert Wuhl (very underrated funnyman) did a couple of specials on HBO called Assume the Position that goes on to show that America has always been a society of “star fuckers” as he called it. He contends that throughout history it’s been the most famous persons of the time that got the credit for famous discoveries and events not necessarily the most important people. So why do we care more about the death of Heath Ledger then your best friend’s grandmother? Why is what’s happening to Britney, LiLo, and Brangelina keep us more enthralled then what’s going on at our kids’ school? Why do we give a crap about no talents like Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian who are famous just because their parents are (and because of sex tapes) more then the doctors out there trying to cure cancer? I’m not really sure but we do. I’m going to take at look at this from my own twisted perspective and as I tend to get long winded (I know you’re shocked) I think I’ll break it into at least blogs (please, hold the applause).

So, onward and upward!

Call them the media, paparazzi, or cockroaches; whatever you call them they may be the people most responsible for this star fucking society. Never at any time has there been more different media devoted to famous people. Sure, there were always the tabloids and society columns etc but we now have at least 2 full time networks, 8 billion internet sites, radio shows, etc all telling us who to love, who to hate, who’s in and who’s out. It seems the media has 2 jobs. One is to build up celebrity to a point they couldn’t possibly live up to those standards and the other is when they don’t live up to these standards to drag them down. It’s a fine line between fame and infamy.

I always find that when the media gets behind someone and then turns on them it’s usually because there is some aspect of their personal lives, which they feel the public would disapprove. OK, I get that but here’s the thing, just because you’re famous doesn’t mean you are a good or nice person. If you were a mean, nasty, anti-social prick before you became famous, why pretend to be nice now? I always love the concept of they “owe” their fans something be it an autograph, etc. Um, no, no they don’t. They are doing a job; you pay them to do their job because what they do entertains you. That’s where the obligation ends. If what they do sops entertaining you, you stop paying to see it. That’s it. Because you do something well does that mean you now deserve to have cameras in your face, people asking for autographs while at dinner with your family, or having stories about your personal life dragged out in the open? Not where I’m from. Who doesn’t have a co-worker who’s a prick? A parent of your kid’s friend with a drinking problem? A relative cheating on their spouse? Are they laid to waste in front of the whole world because of this? No, not hardly. Does it make them lesser people? Do you think more of Johnny Depp knowing he’s the most accommodating man in Hollywood to fans or less of Will Ferrell because he’s the least? Well, probably.

I guess in reality celebrity is like making a deal with the devil. There is nary a star today who could have climbed to the heights they have with out cozying up to the media or at least not being combative with them. They are happy to ride this wave to super stardom then are surprised when their very relationship with the media opens the cracks in the foundation for their demise. Britney was just a cute kid from the Mickey Mouse Club that could carry a tune (sort of) until the media turned her into an underage sexpot and biggest super star since Madonna. When, however, her unstable behavior came to the forefront they were the same one’s tearing her apart. And you know what? You loved it (well except the “Leave Britney Alone” guy…um, girl, um, whatever). We call this Schadenfreude (you of course remember my famous schadenfreude blog, right?) It’s human nature to feel a little bit good about someone who had it all losing it. It’s a slippery slope people.

So, really, why do we care? Quite simply is famous people are created by the media to have so much more then we do, lead such glamorous, perfect, fabulous lives that we live in awe of them and envy their lives. What we don’t realize is that every one of them, famous or not, are human beings and subject to human frailty just like you and me. The problem is when they show the weak side of their humanity we are ready to jump on them with golf shoes. Me? I say let them live tier lives. If you enjoy their shows, movies, music, or sport then great. What they do with their own time should be their own. So, leave Britney alone, let Heath rest in piece and not become the new (and trust me, he’s not) James Dean, let Tom Brady visit his super model girlfriend in peace without making the front page. Let’s enjoy them for who they are and what they do and worry about more important shit like say, our own lives.

Got my eye on you

So, it's been a while since my angry man routine. Just haven't felt like bothering. But a lot of stuff been bugging me lately so here I go. Am I talking about you? Maybe. You tell me...

Dudes in droopy drawers-Ok, enough is enough. Pull up your damned pants. No one wants to be seeing your nasty ass boxers. Clothing trends tend to come and go but this one won’t go away. If 1% of the white boy wannabes from the suburbs had even one clue as to where and why the look evolved they’d be pulling their pants up to their eyeballs. Call me a 40 something white guy with no fashion sense but having to suffer through seeing guys walking around getting chaffed for the sake of fashion and worse, me having to endure seeing their boxers, but I know ridiculous when I see it. If you’re older then 18 (and I’m being generous), pull up your damned pants…and straighten out your hats while you’re at it!!

Noisy personal habits- I’ll be even more direct here, if you’re older then 8 and can’t drink out of a water or soda bottle without suckling on it like mothers teat or chew gum without sounding like a cow chewing the worlds densest cud you should be bent and driven with a spiked bat. That’s all I got to say there

Perfunctory remarks- Look, if you’re going to give me a bullshit line (nice day outside, cold enough for you, thank god it’s not snow, etc) save your breath as I don’t give a fuck. If you have something of value to say, I’m all ears and willing to have a conversation. It’s just so insulting like as if saying “I’m really not interest in talking to you but polite society says I must…asshole”. My favorite? Patriots Playoff game, haven’t missed a game all season and am asked “you gonna watch the game tonight”? Naw, I figured what’s the point I’ll just rent Good Luck Chuck instead


Time Bandits-Time, the never-ending puzzle and ultimate crutch. Bad things tend to happen when you have too much of it on you hands and nothing gets done when you don’t have enough of it. Me, I’m not buying it and I’m also guilty of it. I just don’t blame time for everything. Take 5 seconds and see how far you can walk. Then a minute, then 5 minutes. You’d be surprised. The fact of the matter is most people (I’ll give you parents with young kids a pass) have more free time then they know what to do with. Realistically the thing we don’t have time for are the things we really don’t wanna do. Period. We always seem to find the time to squeeze in what we consider important. So, while time is both precious and aplenty think hard before telling me you didn’t have time to do something (and I will as well)

Sick of being sick- I openly admit I’ve been sick more the last 2 years then ever before. However in my family a cold is not considered sick. I also typically live by the creed of suffer in silence. Now, if someone asks how I’m feeling I’ll respond shitty if that is indeed the case and that ends it. What I’m tired of people whining and complaining and carrying on about their symptoms. The emphasized nasally voice, asking everyone what to take, constantly reminding everyone about how long they’ve been sick. I guess this is limited mostly to work and family as most of my friends don’t carry on like that (and really just my dad and one sister do). I think part is for sympathy, part for attention, and part as a lead in to banging in sick (which I am, by the way, starting my 8th straight year without doing…just saying)

Man, this time of the year I could go on and on but I’ll stop here…for now. But watch your ass, I’ll be picking on you soon ;)

Tilting at Windmills

The expression tilting at windmills or more commonly, fighting windmills, is derived from the tales of Cervantes legendary Don Quixote and his delusion filled life as a chivalric knight doing good deeds for no other reason then the glory of it and/or the love of a woman who more then likely didn’t exist. The problem was that what he fought wasn’t real and those he helped didn’t need or want it. Most notably was when he told loyal companion Sancho Panza his intent to fight those “giants” only to have Sancho point out they were not giants but simply windmills. Undaunted and unbelieving, Quixote fought the hapless windmill to a draw. Tilting at windmills has since become a euphemism for anyone fighting an imaginary enemy or fighting for something that simply doesn’t exist. While most considered Quixote a fool there is something simple, noble and brave about him and his approach to life and what is important to him.

For the past several years I’ve been tilting at windmills more then I care to admit. I let my most endearing traits (at least I hope so haha), which are also my fatal flaws, of loyalty, friendship, and love cloud my judgment and led to me fighting my own windmills. And yes, despite the efforts of many of my own personal Sancho’s, I’ve continued to believe things to be what they aren’t, never were, and likely never will be. I’ve longed and wished and hoped and tried but no amount of wishing, hoping, or positive thinking could make my delusions a reality. Things simply are what they are and it’s high time I realized this. In life, quite simply, no matter what your level of loyalty, friendship, or love, if that isn’t returned, to some above average degree, then keep lining up those windmills for us to run headlong into. I feel like the fool that most people labeled Quixote but sometimes wonder if there isn’t something noble and chivalric about the way I treat those I care about despite the hurt that comes along with these feelings often not reciprocated.

I’m not saying I won’t still hope and dream. Hell, I’m one of the biggest dreamers I know and always will be. If we didn’t dream what would be the point of dragging our sorry asses out of bed every day? What I need to do better is separate truth from fiction, delusion from reality and those that truly care for me from those only capable of caring for themselves. I have often said if you lower your expectations you’ll never be disappointed. Well, that’s cynical even for me and I don’t want to live that way any more. I need to spend more time in the “real” world and less time in the hopeful, pretend, wish-it-could-be world. Mostly I need to be a better judge of people and situations. All that said, by and large I like myself, my set of morals and values so that’s not likely to change.

My name is Rich and I’m a windmill tilter. I’m not sure if that’s a good or bad thing but for better or worse it’s who I am.

Thank you for your (in)consideration

I’ve found lately I’ve been in a rotten mood and totally disliking people. I am often perplexed by the lack of human decency and consideration people have towards one another. All I seem to encounter are rude, self absorbed, selfish people. I know this is probably a bit exaggerated but it seems that way. From total strangers to friends and acquaintances it seems my tolerance for ignorance is quickly dissipating. I’m sure there are a million examples but I’ll just throw out a few;

1) In a crowded situation such as a bar, club, or street festival, a friendly tap on the shoulder and an “excuse me” is the universal signal for “I’m trying to get by” which, when the person doesn’t respond the 2nd tap and “excuse me” is closer to “let me get by you ignorant fuck”
2) When shopping for groceries a) get the hell off your phone b) don’t leave your shopping cart wherever the hell is convenient for you regardless of inconveniencing others c) have a purpose to your shopping and don’t stand in my way with your thumb up your ass d) if you used a carriage please put it back where it belongs NOT wherever you feel like and take up valuable parking space. This all goes double at any Whole Foods Market in greater Boston as I swear all the organic food makes the customers ruder
3) If you see someone waiting to pull out of a parking lot on a busy street, every now and then, let him or her in. Vice versa, if someone does this for you, a friendly wave is considered proper etiquette. If not, at least have the decency to get off your phone and drive with a purpose, not like an asshole.
4) Leaning on your horn in no situation does any good. It just doesn’t. I friendly tap on the horn to remind some ignorant that they have a green light works fine, unless of course they are on their phone in which case I say ram their cars!
5) Every now and then, ask someone, particularly someone who always asks you, how THEY are doing. Don’t call, write, text, etc only when you have issues. Almost everyone has issues just some don’t talk about them as much as others. Be pro-active and say, so, how are YOU doing now and then. You might be surprised how much you’d find out about someone. Nothing is more likely to wear you down then always being on the “listening” end of problems and never on the “talking” end (one of the main reasons I don’t chat on-line much anymore)
6) Please, please, please…get the hell off your phone! I mean, seriously, how many calls that people refuse to get off of are actually important? Beyond that, do you really think the rest of the world want so hear your one-sided conversation? Or be stuck next to you on the bus or train? In the seat next to you waiting to take off at the airport? Behind you driving while you go 5 miles an hour drifting from lane to lane?
7) Don’t show up to a store 5 minutes before closing. Period (unless it’s a liquor or beer store of course). For once, reverse the roles and imagine it was your job, whatever you do, and just as you’re ready to leave you have to deal with some dickhead who is now taking up “your time”. Well, guess what, when you show up at a store or business 5 minutes before close, that’s what you’re doing. Be considerate because honestly, your time is no more important then theirs

I’ve really been letting this stuff bother me lately. Maybe I’m too sensitive. Maybe I’m too nice. Maybe I should just start being more selfish, rude, self-centered, self-absorbed and simply only care about myself from now on like the rest of the world. Probably be easier but you know, I wouldn’t be me and I kind of like who I am

Wedding Day Blues

I have always loved weddings (especially if I know it’s not mine…*rim shot please*) and I attended one this past weekend that should have fallen into that “love” category but didn’t. My friend John, who I have known since high school but really, been friends with since post-college, decided to tie the knot! I was excited at the thought of a really fun wedding, as I would know a lot of people going. We have common people although except John himself and Marc, one of my best friends, most are acquaintances rather then friends. But still, after seeing everyone at the bachelor party I was even more excited. In addition they were having a bring your kids etc pig roast the day before your wedding which, if you know me, is more right up my ally. So, sounds like I’d have a great time, right? Well, yes, and, no. The pig roast, the wedding, everything was great but from the start until finish of the actual wedding I felt like a man out of place and totally uncomfortable with himself.

I was never relaxed and was pacing like, as Marc’s girlfriend Lisa put it, like a caged animal. I have some theories on my I felt like the party crasher who no one was quite sure was there but, honestly, I can only think of feeling like this once before and it was a wedding many years ago and, in some cases, the situation was similar.

1) Most of my best friends also at the wedding were IN the wedding. This meant I was part of the group at the reception early and was amongst couples and significant others of people in the wedding party. Again, this shouldn’t have bothered me as all were friends but was kind of a reminder of the only single person within our group not married or anything resembling that

2) It was an older crowd. By that I mean MY age or close. I was really shocked by how old all my friends had gotten in attitude if not physically. There were exceptions for sure but I was stunned that by 7:00 for a wedding reception that ended at 9:00 a 3rd of the crowd, and more importantly, more then a 3rd of the grooms wedding party was long gone before the bride and grooms last dance. There were reasons ranging from babysitters to physical ailments (and the Sox and Pat’s playing at the same time). I was not only there until the end but got home, changed and caught the 2nd half of the Pat’s game and was out until 2:00 in the morning!!

3) I felt like I was on the cusp. I am just on the fringe of regular friends with most of the people I knew (except Marc) whereas they’ve all been a tight group forever. Oh, trust me, I get along awesomely with all of them but again, just on the fringe.

4) I was traveling solo. I know I know, I always do but it is different when you’re going into this kind of environment. Something about showing up alone just kinda sucks. I could have gotten a ride but both people offering were people leaving early and I wasn’t comfortable leaving that early

5) I wasn’t drinking. Well, not really. I don’t get drunk and drive and since I was driving (see above) and the ride home was nearly 40 minutes, I was a good boy. Now, this doesn’t mean I need to drink to have fun but it certainly would have calmed my jangled nerves.

Honestly, the wedding was great. John was in his glory. Dawn looked Beautiful. The food was as good as I’ve had at a wedding. I met some new people and the weather was

Private eyes, they're watching you...

I’ve had had people ask why my blogs are typically more of an Andy Rooney minute or Dennis Miller rant then an actual web log of my life. Well, the answer is twofold. First, I don’t find my day-to-day life all that interesting. I have certainly done many blogs about my life (turning 40, hot dog trip, etc) but over time have gone to my more familiar, less person blogs. I think the “I got up and took a shit today” and “work sucked today” blogs are boring and self-absorbed…well, I guess most blogs are but that’s beside the point. I guess I’d just as soon try and bring some of my (I hope) witty little observations on how I see things. That will continue to be my focus. If you really want to know more about my day-to-day life, buy me a beer, call me or simply ask, I’m not shy.

Now, the other reason is, as much as I will tell you as much as you’d like to know about me I’m actually kind of a private person. Stop laughing I’m serious. I feel like for parts of the last 10 years I’ve been living my life on-line. Giving out my phone number and address to anyone who’d ask, posting pictures of me and my family, giving out personal details I’d never have given away years ago. I didn’t care and I was comfortable with it. Well, it’s gotten scarier out there with stalkers, phishers, and identity theft. I had an incident recently, which many of you close to me know about where I received subtlety threatening phone calls. They knew little about me other then the floor I lived on and my phone number. It freaked me out. I took care of things on this end but started thinking about how much of myself I’ve left out there. Reading through my Myspace profile etc I realized that, given a little effort, a whole lot can be found out about me. So I’m making changes. I took my job info off my profile on Myspace and may do the same with schools. I’m thinking of making blog and pics private. It’s not fair to my family or me to leave stuff out there. I was also freaked to see how much private information my niece, whose profile is supposed to be private, left on hers and it certainly is NOT private but that will change. I’m not now nor have I ever been paranoid but there does come a time you need to smarten up.

My advice to you my friends? Look at all the places pieces of you are online. Google your name, email address, commonly used user ID’s. You might be shocked. If you think there’s too much info in the wrong places, edit it. Nothing more then your city or town should be associated with you. I’d take any specifics of my place of employment off anything (accept job search sites). This may also save you embarrassment if someone at work looks you up and you had something bad to say about him or her. If you want to blog about specific people or personal matters, make it friends only. I can tell you at least 2 times friends of mines blogs have caused them duress. If you plan to look for a new job and leave them an email address, make it a different one then is associated with your Myspace, Face Book, etc as many employers are (somewhat illegally) checking these things out. Big one…IF, in your younger days, or say, recently, you posted pictures that may be, how shall I put this…somewhat racy of yourself (yes, you can assume none of these exist of me…yuck) on like, Hot or Not, etc (not even sure if these still exist) I’d get rid of them and close my account. A little web admiration versus having this turn up at the worst time seems hardly worth the risk. From the time I started writing this blog take a look what happened to that girl from High School Musical. Not that any of us will ever be famous but look what it cost her. Bet in the long run it wasn’t worth it. And passwords? Hackers, even low level, don’t need no stinking passwords. Assume someone can get your most private stuff not on a high security encrypted (Amazon, bank sites, etc) site so be cautious.

I know this sounds crazy paranoid coming from me as I don’t typically sweat shit like this but I do fear we are all living a little more openly and a little less cautiously and leaving ourselves exposed to what could be bad. Really bad.

Taking the Hypocritic Oath

*This is another of the blogs I posted on Myspace around the time of my birthday when I was just raging against everything and getting shit off my chest. Enjoy

I'm going to tell it like it is when I tell you each and every one of us is a hypocrite. There is no getting around it. In fact, most people are hypocritical in some way, sort or fashion nearly every day. You shake your head at the ill behaved children at the table next to yours while out eating and then let your own kids run wild. You support your political party until as such a time as they support something that goes against you. You get angry when no kindly person will let you pull out in to traffic and yet when the opportunity arises for you to do the same you pretend you don't see them. Stop and think for a minute. You know it's true.

In reality life is hypocrisy. Nearly everything that happens in the course of the day we are hypocritical of or someone is hypocritical (or maybe just plain critical) of us. We go to church then lie, steal and do lord knows what else. We wear sealskin boots to a save the whales rally. We recycle everything paper or plastic in our homes and drive S.U.V.'s that get 1 mile to the gallon. There is simply no way to avoid it. We tsk tsk about our friends not visiting sick parents enough until we are in the same situation. We talk behind the back about the youngster showing up at work a wreck from drinking the night before and seem to forget all the times in the past (maybe even the present) we showed up in similar or worse condition. We are walking talking fleshy bags of hypocrisy.

I think where most of us are hypocrites is when it comes to relationships. Be it friends, family, or significant others we all say one thing then do just the opposite so often. How often does "til death do us part" actually hold up? We say, "I love you" and weeks later we aren't speaking. We say, "We'll always be friends" and haven't communicated in months. We'll never let a relationship stand in the way of your friends then we can't talk anymore because he/she doesn't like it and we can't find time for our best friends. We love being single and hate being tied down and checking in with someone at every turn then we can't make a move asking him/her. We are hypercritical (notice the spelling) about someone cheating on someone then turn around and do the same if it benefits us. You're even hypocritical about being hypocritical. We all know (or have been) the person who "hates people who drop their friends when they get in a relationship. I'd never do that" then, of course at the first opportunity does. Sorry people, in some way we're all guilty as charged.

The bottom line is life makes hypocrites of us all. Things change. Shit happens. Life changes and evolves so what was true yesterday may not hold up until tomorrow. There's no way around it. Being hypocritical is different then lying (a blog for another day) in that at the time you state something you likely think it's true. I'm not singling out any person or persons nor pointing fingers because if I were I'd be pointing in the mirror. You were happy being single until mr./miss right came along. You meant, "til death do us part" until you're spouse did something simply inconsolable. You meant, "I love you" until you realized you didn't mean it. You never thought you'd let a relationship get in the way of your friend but you did. You honestly thought having kids wouldn't change what you did and whom you did it with (this also probably falls into the ignorance category). You meant to be friends forever but both people's lives got too busy. A new job, a death in the family, a car accident, moving, marriage, divorce, kids, etc. Every one of these things can affect what was once true that no longer is. Very few people can truly live up to their word forever and honestly, can they be expected to?

I've tried hard to not be too hypocritical myself by trying to choose my words and actions wisely but like I said, shit happens. I have let friend's drift away on the one hand and on the other I told a girl to hit the bricks when I was to decide between her and my best friend. Sorry toots, no contest there. I am happy being single and will holler it to the heavens but I met someone who almost changed my mind. Almost. I've only said "I love you" to anyone once and meant it. Still do. I've said I'd take a bullet for a true friend and meant it. So, I'm going out on a limb. Mark this date and these words. I will most likely be single forever and am happy about that. I will never lose my friends over a woman. I will always have time for my friends no matter how seriously I get involved with anyone. I will never cheat on someone I'm in a relationship with. I will always be there for my true friends and family no matter how far we seem to have drifted and no matter what they need me for. I actually think I can do this (most likely as the first statement kind of negates the most of the rest) and if I can't, gentle readers, I want you to rain down upon me with great vengeance and furious anger

I just need My Space!

Like most of you, I’m guessing, I’ve had a love/hate affair with Myspace. I’m kind of in the hate mode right now. For me I joined Myspace to keep in touch with a friend who lived a ways away (who I no longer associate with). Eventually, mostly through a shared love of the Patriots, I made some legitimate new, great friends. Most I have been lucky enough to spend time in “real life” with. However, between work and a lack of interest when I get home I simply haven’t been on much. Part of it is the petty and immature aspects of something I once loved. There is just something about Myspace that makes people not think about other people’s feelings in what post on peoples’ profiles or leave posted on their own. I know of at least 2 relationships ruined by Myspace (and one started just to show I’m not all negative) because of things left on profiles.

I will say that Myspace can be like many other aspects of the internet (instant message, chat rooms, message boards, gaming sites) in that people grow attached to one another and maybe sometimes think there is more to it then there really is. Misunderstanding, jealousy, and hurt feelings are all very common. There can be, so I’m told, nothing quite as bracing as to view someone’s profile that you think maybe there is sort of kind of something between you and you one day read “in a relationship”. Talk about a buzz kill. Anyway, after that entire preamble I present “things I don’t necessarily love about Myspace”:

1) The politics of top friends- You know that person hanging around in your top 8 that’s been there forever even tho’ you rarely speak? Or the person who you talk to all the time (talk=message etc) that you have trouble putting in your top 4/8/12 as you’d feel bad about bumping someone else. What about real life friends who are rarely on Myspace versus your best non-real life Myspace friend? It’s like the politics of wedding list cut downs and is not an easy chore

2) False “online now” indicators- you know, so and so is on-line now. So you send a message and wait and wait, keep reloading but nothing. You’re hurt, you’re despondent, you’re most likely pathetic and in many cases you’re wrong. That thing is about as accurate as a New England meteorologist.

3) Over Bulletining- You got that add as friend request, seemed on the up and up and it turns out they simply bulletin you to death. Promoting their website, forwarding every survey and joke, asking you to attend something. Hell, if I wanted spam I’d check my e-mail

4) More info then I maybe wanted to know bulletins- someone you think you know pretty well fills out one of those foolish surveys and you read it and are like, dang, I didn’t know that nor, in many cases, did I want to. This can be particularly dangerous if the person is/was close or an ex or worse, current. Some thing are simply better left unsaid. Then again, maybe they are dropping a hint…

5) Public displays of private thoughts in comments- I’m no longer a big commenter as the more and more I check out people’s comments on their pages I notice there is just too much stuff for the world to read that should probably be private. The potential damage can be amazing. Myspace is a strange sub-division of real life and sometimes people look at their Myspace peeps in ways that maybe even they don’t know. Sometimes there’s nothing so surprising when you go to someone’s page and read “had fun last night” from someone when they told YOU they stayed home or someone visits your page and reads, “I love you” from someone who wasn’t the person it was supposed to be…even if it was in a platonic, friendly way. I think you get the drift.

There are a lot more but you get the gist. Tell me, what do you hate about Myspace?

Thank you for being a friend

OK, so I've been negligent in posting here so playing catch up with my last 3 blogs which I posted to Myspace:

Defining what a friend is can be difficult as people all have different ideas of what a friend is and how to be a friend. I guess the simplest definition would be a person who means a lot to you and vice versa but is not related to you either by birth or marriage. Well, that is not always true as I have sisters and a mother who are amongst my best friend's and, realistically, unless things have gone to hell, your significant other should be amongst your best friends. As someone mostly always single and likely to be, friends are very important to me. More important at this point then any relationship I might find myself in. This could change but I also think it's just what I'm used to as I'd at this point rather spend casual, fun, good times with my friend's then the awkwardness of starting a new whatever. Rather then go on a long boring rant I will use the ever popular list format to define what a friend is to me.

A friend is someone you would do anything for as long as it didn't go against your personal beliefs or morals. (And sometimes even then). To wit, a friend would never ask you to do anything that would compromise your personal beliefs of morals.

A friend is someone you think of during the course of every day somehow. You may not realize it but this is true. Nary a day goes by I don't have a thought, memory, or mind jog that doesn't remind me of one of my friends

Friendship, to me, is earned not just claimed. I've always hated how on Myspace you add "friends". To me you add people who may or may not become friends. I'm an easy guy to like and get to know and have an uncanny sense of people's true character but still, you need do more then know me to become my friend. I have people I rarely see who are friend's, people I see all the time who aren't and in a few, rare cases, people I've never met in the flesh (so to speak) who are.

A friend is someone who, no matter how long it's been since you've spoken or seen each other, you are never uncomfortable towards or at a loss of words with.

A friend knows when to talk, when to listen, and when to say nothing at all

A friend is capable of putting you in front of them when it is called for. A person who only needs someone when they are distressed or when it benefits them is a one-way friend. This is something I cannot tolerate. Life is give and take and being a real friend means you are there for your friends when they need you, not only when you need them. I absolutely hate people incapable of adding anything to a friendship

A friend would never lie to you even if it were "for your own good". That's a breach in trust and therefore breaking the friendship

A friend is like a husband or wife in that they are there for better or worse, through sickness and health and all that other marital crap

A friend would never let a relationship ruin a friendship. Period. It may be altered but never ruined.

A friend can say "I love (small L) you" without feeling stupid

Friendship and loyalty go hand in hand (see first statement)

Friends would put themselves in harms way to protect you. I know I always say I'd take a bullet for a friend and while I hope I never have to, I honestly think I would.

You cannot hold a long grudge with someone who is or was a true friend unless they did something completely egregious or physically harmful to you or your family. The way I figure is some small indiscretion, no matter how major it seems at the time, cannot undo what made you friends to start with

A friend knows what you're thinking or what your mood is without even having to ask

I could go on and on but won't. I guess my bottom line is it isn't much work to be a friend but to be a good friend takes some effort. We've all had selfish, one way, shitty friends and have all probably been selfish, one way, shitty friends. I've been blessed with some great friends. I realized this past year people I long considered friends really weren't as looking back over time they never once went out of their way for me and only needed me for their own ends. Fine, seeya, don't let the door hit your ass on the way out. I also had acquaintances become some of my closest friends and have made several new friends. Life is just like that. A wise man once told me high school friends would always be friends by friends you make after would be friends for life. That hasn't been 100% true but has merit. I've come to realize my place in life is to be a friend and I think I do it pretty darn well. I might never be a great boyfriend, lover, husband, or father but to know I'm a good friend, faults and all, I can live with that!

Please excuse the lame...ok, I actually love it for it's lameness... Andrew Gold song in the title

An open love letter...

I'm not one to openly show my feeling or let them be known in general but things have been so weird lately I simply have to shout it to the world…

I LOVE YOU MR SWIFFER!!!!!

My life hasn't been the same since we met. It was just 3 years ago when your floor duster changed my life for the better. Since then it's been the Wet Jet with both the all purpose as well as hardwood cleaner to keep all my surfaces clean and fresh. Then came the Dusters with both standard and extended handles to get to those hard to reach spots. Then, out of the blue the floor duster with built in cordless vacuum. Simply heaven! You've done so much for cleaning challenged bachelors the world over with your simpler, disposable methods of cleaning and more importantly right here in my heart!

Now, I know you're saying Swiffer is a division of Johnson and Johnson or some crap but in my mind Mr. Swiffer is a congenial older gentleman in a lab coat with a beaker in one hand and samples of statically charged textile in the other. He is simply looking out for all of us who refuse to use buckets, dustpans, or clean standard off the shelf cleaning tool!

So thank you Mr. Swiffer and your brother Mr. Clean and your friends the Scrubbing Bubbles for making every trip to target exciting, my wallet a little lighter and for making me actually believe all your product make cleaning easier.

I love you Mr. Swiffer!

What's on my daylight savings mind

Just a few things on my mind on this gorgeous, sunny, 60-degree Halloween in the world’s greatest city:

Parallel Parking: Have you seen the commercial for the new Lexus with automatic parallel parking? Holy crap! What a great and scary concept. But, I dunno, seems kinda like cheating. When I got my license (many, many moons ago) you had to do 2 specific things to get it beyond general good driving and that was a 3-point turn and parallel parking. If you couldn’t do both, you didn’t pass. It’s actually a bragging rite with some people, being able to squeeze your car into a spot that is no bigger then a phone booth. I know as I talk to people the more rural the area you’re from the less important parallel parking becomes. Where I live, it will always be a part of life; there just aren’t enough wide streets or enough off-street parking. I had a kid I work with say they were going to get rid of parallel parking in Boston. I laugh as I’ve heard that before. I asked, are they going to widen every street in the city to allow for head parking? Maybe tear down all the houses and businesses that are currently built basically up to the curb? So maybe Lexus is on to something. I just hope it has a safety feature that realizes when the person jaywalking across the street between the parked cars and your parallel parking ass is behind you or I smell a lot of lawsuits cooking

Crossing guards: Now before anyone jumps on me I realize this is a necessary and thankless job. Most of these people volunteer their time to make sure kids can safely across busy streets on their way to school and for this I commend them. BUT, there are certain crossing guards that jump over their responsibilities and think they are traffic cops. Not content to simply cross school kids they start crossing the elderly, able-bodied adults and just about anyone needing to cross the street. Even worse, they start directing traffic. You stop, you, go, you, slow down. It’s pretty funny actually. Traffic jammed up for miles while soccer mom’s and dad’s decide how the flow of traffic should go. As you can probably tell, I have one of these screwing up my morning commute big time.

Daylight Savings Time: I don’t understand and I probably don’t want to. I don’t get why some parts of the country set their clocks back and others don’t. Why some individual States don’t do it. All I know is it is now pitch dark by the time I leave work and whilst I have no plans to do anything that requires daylight, it’s simply depressing. I remember as kids our parents told us daylight savings time was so it would be dark for when we went trick or treating so that’s what I’m sticking with.

Happy Halloween everyone!

The decline of western civilization

I always wondered if I’d recognize what’s wrong with the word if I saw it. The other day I stared it right in the face; Abercrombie & Fitch. This company once legendary as supplier of top end outdoor gear has become a showcase for what society has become; image is everything, thin is in, and beautiful people are better then non-beautiful people. OK, it’s not as bad as I let on, but cripes, did I feel out of place.

I needed to go to A & F to pick up a gift card for someone obviously younger then me. So I set off to the Burlington (MA) Mall to get it done. At first I thought it was closed for renovations as all the display windows were covered by something resembling storm shutters. However I realized the rumbling electronica music I was hearing was not from the mall sound system but coming from A & F. So, I warily step into the open doors and the music is, frankly, deafening. I’m not being some old prude when I say this as I have attended concerts and been to clubs that would make your ears bleed. But, for a retail store, it was ridiculous. So, I proceed to find a register and sales associate to get my gift card and get the fuck out of there. Well, apparently you need to be a size 1 to work there as a woman and have wavy hair and abs as a guy. The first 2 I encountered couldn’t even look up from their convo to acknowledge my fat ass. So, I wandered aimlessly until I found a counter with someone working (another size 1 apparently). I waited 5 minutes for her to fold 2 pair of pants into a bag and cash out the young couple in front of me. I tell her I need a gift card for $100. She says “what?” over the din of the afore mentioned music. So I repeat, I need a gift card for $100. And she says “oh, sure a gift card, for how much”. I roll my eyes and say, um, $100? Now I am instructed to pick out a gift card. My choices are to hot women, a guy and girl kissing, what appeared to be 2 guys about to kiss, etc. So I pick one and hand it to her and she asks “so, how much do you want the gift card for”?

There is no moral to this story. The place simply made me feel old, fat, and out of place. So, pretty much it was reality. I guess more then anything it bothered me that it so flew in the face of the “rules of retail” yet is one of the most successful clothing retailers on the planet. You simply don’t cover your display windows, don’t play music so loud you need to repeat yourself constantly, and you don’t ignore customers and remain successful. Yet, A & F not only flourishes but also has become a pop culture icon. Maybe I’m just plain getting old and out of touch, well, actually I am and I’m not sure it bothers me

On the road again

Notes and observations from my recent travels around this great land of ours:

• Cars with bumper stickers, signs, or license plates that remind us they are far more important then everyone else on the road so while driving near them take more caution then you usually do (i.e. “baby on board”, motorcycles are everywhere”. “MD (doctor’s license plate))
  
• In New England it’s hard to find any gas station on any stretch of well driven road that does NOT have a Dunkin Donuts inside including many that are side by side each other and less then a ¼ mile from a real full service Dunkins. For me, this is a good thing tho a little scary.
  
• Climbing and/or passing lanes are a scary concept. For those (like me for the most part) who rarely travel highways outside major metropolitan areas, this means usually having to pass a slower moving car by accelerating into the lane of traffic coming to opposite way and passing on the left then getting back in your lane before a car coming the other way smashes you to oblivion. I know people living further from the city this is fairly common but still scares the crap out of my ass
  
• A slow moving vehicle pulling out on a highway in front of you going 45 MPH only to then try and let you pass. Um, why didn’t you just let me go by you originally? Jackass
  
• Anyone who doesn’t have exact change for a $1.00 or $.50 toll or anyone who stops to ask the toll taker directions with 8000 cars with the exact change behind them all pissed off
  
• Cops who wait a ½ mile from when a road opens from 1 to 3 lanes just to get the people suffering behind someone going 35 mph for the past mile who finally have a chance to let loose and make up lost time (did I mention I have 3 speeding tickets in my life, all in NH and all on the same stretch of road? And yes, I’ve finally caught on)
  
• That despite having “climate control” when I turn on the heat on a day when it’s a little chilly and there’s no happy medium between too hot and too cold
  
• In the same vein, that if the sun is shining, even if its in the upper 40’s my car is still hot as hell
  
• Small, sometimes uninviting looking places along the road to eat usually not only kick ass food wise on chain restaurants but typically you get a slice of local flavor you wouldn’t get elsewhere

Schadenfreude...god bless you

Schadenfreude-The dictionary definition of this German word is satisfaction or pleasure felt at someone else's misfortune. We all know common examples of this. You rejoice in George W. Bush falling on his face politically rather then worrying about the thing he fell on his face about. You cheer more loudly for the Yankee’s being knocked out of the playoffs then you did for the Red Sox winning the World Series. You smile contentedly at Mel Gibson’s indiscretions rather then thinking back to the pleasure his movies have brought you. It is a very common occurrence. People are jealous by their very nature of those they perceive as doing better then them and feeling they don’t deserve it as much as you do. But schadenfreude occurs on a regular basis in all our lives more then we realize.

Let’s face it, we’ve all had a friend who had a job where they made a lot more then we did and certainly couldn’t have worked as hard as us. When you hear they got downsized you are there for them but you have that tiny little smirk in your subconscious. For me a lot of times it was, as I got older, at the gym, looking at some kid trying to lift a certain amount of weight and failing. This brought me more joy then the actuality of my own dwindling strength. Maybe it’s the person who’s always wanted to get married and pretending to be happy for their friend that is getting married only to feel a little better when things fall apart and your friend is once again just as lonely and miserable as you are.

So, what does this have to do with me? Well, I think I’m pretty atypical in my bouts of minor schadenfreude. Mine typically has to do with, what else, women. I suffer from the 2 most common guy forms

1) Duckyitis- this was made famous by Ducky in “Pretty in Pink”. It’s when you have a friend you have a crush of some sort on and your whole time you’ve known them you felt they were missing the best thing for them; you! You feign happiness for them when they are seeing someone even thought you KNOW it won’t last (coz they’re not good enough for him/her) and when they break up you’re supportive and hate seeing your friend sad but that small ray of hope that maybe this time he/she will see the light is like a fist pump inside your heart

2) You’ll never do better then me- This is more along the lines when someone you dated and still like and get along with starts seeing someone else or is trying to move on and nothing works and you’re happy that they are just as miserable as you tho on the outside you’re sympathetic and caring. Again, the prevailing thought is maybe, just maybe, he/she will come running back to me this time!


I guess I wanna know if this makes me a bad person? Am I the only one who thinks like this? Should I always be 100% happy for people and never be self-serving and selfish if only in my head? Maybe it’s not schadenfreude but it’s close cousins jealousy and envy.

Reading is Fun...damental!!

I been in more fights then I can remember, won some, lost some. I’ve competed in power lifting competition. I played football, drink beer out of a can, eat red meat, have a bad haircut and watch wrestling. Judge me how you want from the above description but you need to know me to know one of my greatest passions; reading. Yes, I love to read. I rarely go anywhere without a book, have been known to stay up until the wee morning hours to finish a book, and spend an afternoon in Barnes & Noble without getting bored. Yes people, you don’t have to be a certain type to enjoy reading, you just have to have a love for letting words and your imagination take you some place that is not your own mundane life.

I have a lot of friends that think I read too much, that say they hate reading, and say they don’t have time to read. BULLSHIT! Everyone can find time to read. My sister with 3 kids and a job finds time. My friend with 2 jobs finds time. The bottom line is you find time for TV, you can find time for reading. Or, if you’re like me, you do them both at the same time. The bottom line is reading is relaxing, reading improves your vocabulary, and reading can take you to place you’ve never been. The problem most people have is finding what they like. A book that drags for you right off the bat is probably going to be a struggle to finish, if you finish at all. So, because I like you guys, I’m going to give you some helpful hints.

1) Choose a genre you like and stick to it. Mystery, suspense, science fiction, fantasy, non-fiction, true crime. Whatever works for you. My sister has her doctorate and splits her time between suspense, non-fiction, and trashy romance novels. The bottom line is to read
2) Find something that moves along for you. If someone recommends Steven King and its like reading quicksand, dump it for something that moves faster for you. A truly riveting read will fly by
3) Choose an author that has a recurring character or cast. I truly love series and won’t read anything out of order if I can avoid it. Most popular suspense and mystery writers have recurring characters.
4) Set aside time everyday to read. A half hour before bed, while eating your lunch, at the gym, or taking a bath
5) If you liked a particular movie or TV show, find the original source book. You may like it even more. The Black Dahlia, still in theatres, is a much better read then watch

So, here are some recommendations from me. I read mostly suspense and mystery so that’s what these are:
The Alex Cross series by James Patterson- Set in Washington DC it follows the adventures of a DC detective and psychologist who is a master profiler. The movies Kiss the Girls and Along Came a Spider are based off these books. Patterson is a super fast read.
The Lincoln Rhyme books by Jeffrey Deaver- Set in NYC it follows the story of a forensic expert and former NYC cop who also happens to be quadriplegic. Good reading for CSI fans. The movie the Bone Collector is based on the book of the same name
The Myron Bolitar series by Harlan Coben- Set in New Jersey the books are a great combination of humor, sports, and hard-boiled mystery.
The Kenzie and Genarro series by Dennis Lehane- Best known for Mystic River this series by Lehane featured Boston private detectives based in and around Dorchester, Southie and the like. Gone Baby Gone is being filmed by Ben Affleck as we speak.

Just remember, reading is fundamental!!