Tilting at Windmills

The expression tilting at windmills or more commonly, fighting windmills, is derived from the tales of Cervantes legendary Don Quixote and his delusion filled life as a chivalric knight doing good deeds for no other reason then the glory of it and/or the love of a woman who more then likely didn’t exist. The problem was that what he fought wasn’t real and those he helped didn’t need or want it. Most notably was when he told loyal companion Sancho Panza his intent to fight those “giants” only to have Sancho point out they were not giants but simply windmills. Undaunted and unbelieving, Quixote fought the hapless windmill to a draw. Tilting at windmills has since become a euphemism for anyone fighting an imaginary enemy or fighting for something that simply doesn’t exist. While most considered Quixote a fool there is something simple, noble and brave about him and his approach to life and what is important to him.

For the past several years I’ve been tilting at windmills more then I care to admit. I let my most endearing traits (at least I hope so haha), which are also my fatal flaws, of loyalty, friendship, and love cloud my judgment and led to me fighting my own windmills. And yes, despite the efforts of many of my own personal Sancho’s, I’ve continued to believe things to be what they aren’t, never were, and likely never will be. I’ve longed and wished and hoped and tried but no amount of wishing, hoping, or positive thinking could make my delusions a reality. Things simply are what they are and it’s high time I realized this. In life, quite simply, no matter what your level of loyalty, friendship, or love, if that isn’t returned, to some above average degree, then keep lining up those windmills for us to run headlong into. I feel like the fool that most people labeled Quixote but sometimes wonder if there isn’t something noble and chivalric about the way I treat those I care about despite the hurt that comes along with these feelings often not reciprocated.

I’m not saying I won’t still hope and dream. Hell, I’m one of the biggest dreamers I know and always will be. If we didn’t dream what would be the point of dragging our sorry asses out of bed every day? What I need to do better is separate truth from fiction, delusion from reality and those that truly care for me from those only capable of caring for themselves. I have often said if you lower your expectations you’ll never be disappointed. Well, that’s cynical even for me and I don’t want to live that way any more. I need to spend more time in the “real” world and less time in the hopeful, pretend, wish-it-could-be world. Mostly I need to be a better judge of people and situations. All that said, by and large I like myself, my set of morals and values so that’s not likely to change.

My name is Rich and I’m a windmill tilter. I’m not sure if that’s a good or bad thing but for better or worse it’s who I am.

Thank you for your (in)consideration

I’ve found lately I’ve been in a rotten mood and totally disliking people. I am often perplexed by the lack of human decency and consideration people have towards one another. All I seem to encounter are rude, self absorbed, selfish people. I know this is probably a bit exaggerated but it seems that way. From total strangers to friends and acquaintances it seems my tolerance for ignorance is quickly dissipating. I’m sure there are a million examples but I’ll just throw out a few;

1) In a crowded situation such as a bar, club, or street festival, a friendly tap on the shoulder and an “excuse me” is the universal signal for “I’m trying to get by” which, when the person doesn’t respond the 2nd tap and “excuse me” is closer to “let me get by you ignorant fuck”
2) When shopping for groceries a) get the hell off your phone b) don’t leave your shopping cart wherever the hell is convenient for you regardless of inconveniencing others c) have a purpose to your shopping and don’t stand in my way with your thumb up your ass d) if you used a carriage please put it back where it belongs NOT wherever you feel like and take up valuable parking space. This all goes double at any Whole Foods Market in greater Boston as I swear all the organic food makes the customers ruder
3) If you see someone waiting to pull out of a parking lot on a busy street, every now and then, let him or her in. Vice versa, if someone does this for you, a friendly wave is considered proper etiquette. If not, at least have the decency to get off your phone and drive with a purpose, not like an asshole.
4) Leaning on your horn in no situation does any good. It just doesn’t. I friendly tap on the horn to remind some ignorant that they have a green light works fine, unless of course they are on their phone in which case I say ram their cars!
5) Every now and then, ask someone, particularly someone who always asks you, how THEY are doing. Don’t call, write, text, etc only when you have issues. Almost everyone has issues just some don’t talk about them as much as others. Be pro-active and say, so, how are YOU doing now and then. You might be surprised how much you’d find out about someone. Nothing is more likely to wear you down then always being on the “listening” end of problems and never on the “talking” end (one of the main reasons I don’t chat on-line much anymore)
6) Please, please, please…get the hell off your phone! I mean, seriously, how many calls that people refuse to get off of are actually important? Beyond that, do you really think the rest of the world want so hear your one-sided conversation? Or be stuck next to you on the bus or train? In the seat next to you waiting to take off at the airport? Behind you driving while you go 5 miles an hour drifting from lane to lane?
7) Don’t show up to a store 5 minutes before closing. Period (unless it’s a liquor or beer store of course). For once, reverse the roles and imagine it was your job, whatever you do, and just as you’re ready to leave you have to deal with some dickhead who is now taking up “your time”. Well, guess what, when you show up at a store or business 5 minutes before close, that’s what you’re doing. Be considerate because honestly, your time is no more important then theirs

I’ve really been letting this stuff bother me lately. Maybe I’m too sensitive. Maybe I’m too nice. Maybe I should just start being more selfish, rude, self-centered, self-absorbed and simply only care about myself from now on like the rest of the world. Probably be easier but you know, I wouldn’t be me and I kind of like who I am

Wedding Day Blues

I have always loved weddings (especially if I know it’s not mine…*rim shot please*) and I attended one this past weekend that should have fallen into that “love” category but didn’t. My friend John, who I have known since high school but really, been friends with since post-college, decided to tie the knot! I was excited at the thought of a really fun wedding, as I would know a lot of people going. We have common people although except John himself and Marc, one of my best friends, most are acquaintances rather then friends. But still, after seeing everyone at the bachelor party I was even more excited. In addition they were having a bring your kids etc pig roast the day before your wedding which, if you know me, is more right up my ally. So, sounds like I’d have a great time, right? Well, yes, and, no. The pig roast, the wedding, everything was great but from the start until finish of the actual wedding I felt like a man out of place and totally uncomfortable with himself.

I was never relaxed and was pacing like, as Marc’s girlfriend Lisa put it, like a caged animal. I have some theories on my I felt like the party crasher who no one was quite sure was there but, honestly, I can only think of feeling like this once before and it was a wedding many years ago and, in some cases, the situation was similar.

1) Most of my best friends also at the wedding were IN the wedding. This meant I was part of the group at the reception early and was amongst couples and significant others of people in the wedding party. Again, this shouldn’t have bothered me as all were friends but was kind of a reminder of the only single person within our group not married or anything resembling that

2) It was an older crowd. By that I mean MY age or close. I was really shocked by how old all my friends had gotten in attitude if not physically. There were exceptions for sure but I was stunned that by 7:00 for a wedding reception that ended at 9:00 a 3rd of the crowd, and more importantly, more then a 3rd of the grooms wedding party was long gone before the bride and grooms last dance. There were reasons ranging from babysitters to physical ailments (and the Sox and Pat’s playing at the same time). I was not only there until the end but got home, changed and caught the 2nd half of the Pat’s game and was out until 2:00 in the morning!!

3) I felt like I was on the cusp. I am just on the fringe of regular friends with most of the people I knew (except Marc) whereas they’ve all been a tight group forever. Oh, trust me, I get along awesomely with all of them but again, just on the fringe.

4) I was traveling solo. I know I know, I always do but it is different when you’re going into this kind of environment. Something about showing up alone just kinda sucks. I could have gotten a ride but both people offering were people leaving early and I wasn’t comfortable leaving that early

5) I wasn’t drinking. Well, not really. I don’t get drunk and drive and since I was driving (see above) and the ride home was nearly 40 minutes, I was a good boy. Now, this doesn’t mean I need to drink to have fun but it certainly would have calmed my jangled nerves.

Honestly, the wedding was great. John was in his glory. Dawn looked Beautiful. The food was as good as I’ve had at a wedding. I met some new people and the weather was

Private eyes, they're watching you...

I’ve had had people ask why my blogs are typically more of an Andy Rooney minute or Dennis Miller rant then an actual web log of my life. Well, the answer is twofold. First, I don’t find my day-to-day life all that interesting. I have certainly done many blogs about my life (turning 40, hot dog trip, etc) but over time have gone to my more familiar, less person blogs. I think the “I got up and took a shit today” and “work sucked today” blogs are boring and self-absorbed…well, I guess most blogs are but that’s beside the point. I guess I’d just as soon try and bring some of my (I hope) witty little observations on how I see things. That will continue to be my focus. If you really want to know more about my day-to-day life, buy me a beer, call me or simply ask, I’m not shy.

Now, the other reason is, as much as I will tell you as much as you’d like to know about me I’m actually kind of a private person. Stop laughing I’m serious. I feel like for parts of the last 10 years I’ve been living my life on-line. Giving out my phone number and address to anyone who’d ask, posting pictures of me and my family, giving out personal details I’d never have given away years ago. I didn’t care and I was comfortable with it. Well, it’s gotten scarier out there with stalkers, phishers, and identity theft. I had an incident recently, which many of you close to me know about where I received subtlety threatening phone calls. They knew little about me other then the floor I lived on and my phone number. It freaked me out. I took care of things on this end but started thinking about how much of myself I’ve left out there. Reading through my Myspace profile etc I realized that, given a little effort, a whole lot can be found out about me. So I’m making changes. I took my job info off my profile on Myspace and may do the same with schools. I’m thinking of making blog and pics private. It’s not fair to my family or me to leave stuff out there. I was also freaked to see how much private information my niece, whose profile is supposed to be private, left on hers and it certainly is NOT private but that will change. I’m not now nor have I ever been paranoid but there does come a time you need to smarten up.

My advice to you my friends? Look at all the places pieces of you are online. Google your name, email address, commonly used user ID’s. You might be shocked. If you think there’s too much info in the wrong places, edit it. Nothing more then your city or town should be associated with you. I’d take any specifics of my place of employment off anything (accept job search sites). This may also save you embarrassment if someone at work looks you up and you had something bad to say about him or her. If you want to blog about specific people or personal matters, make it friends only. I can tell you at least 2 times friends of mines blogs have caused them duress. If you plan to look for a new job and leave them an email address, make it a different one then is associated with your Myspace, Face Book, etc as many employers are (somewhat illegally) checking these things out. Big one…IF, in your younger days, or say, recently, you posted pictures that may be, how shall I put this…somewhat racy of yourself (yes, you can assume none of these exist of me…yuck) on like, Hot or Not, etc (not even sure if these still exist) I’d get rid of them and close my account. A little web admiration versus having this turn up at the worst time seems hardly worth the risk. From the time I started writing this blog take a look what happened to that girl from High School Musical. Not that any of us will ever be famous but look what it cost her. Bet in the long run it wasn’t worth it. And passwords? Hackers, even low level, don’t need no stinking passwords. Assume someone can get your most private stuff not on a high security encrypted (Amazon, bank sites, etc) site so be cautious.

I know this sounds crazy paranoid coming from me as I don’t typically sweat shit like this but I do fear we are all living a little more openly and a little less cautiously and leaving ourselves exposed to what could be bad. Really bad.

Taking the Hypocritic Oath

*This is another of the blogs I posted on Myspace around the time of my birthday when I was just raging against everything and getting shit off my chest. Enjoy

I'm going to tell it like it is when I tell you each and every one of us is a hypocrite. There is no getting around it. In fact, most people are hypocritical in some way, sort or fashion nearly every day. You shake your head at the ill behaved children at the table next to yours while out eating and then let your own kids run wild. You support your political party until as such a time as they support something that goes against you. You get angry when no kindly person will let you pull out in to traffic and yet when the opportunity arises for you to do the same you pretend you don't see them. Stop and think for a minute. You know it's true.

In reality life is hypocrisy. Nearly everything that happens in the course of the day we are hypocritical of or someone is hypocritical (or maybe just plain critical) of us. We go to church then lie, steal and do lord knows what else. We wear sealskin boots to a save the whales rally. We recycle everything paper or plastic in our homes and drive S.U.V.'s that get 1 mile to the gallon. There is simply no way to avoid it. We tsk tsk about our friends not visiting sick parents enough until we are in the same situation. We talk behind the back about the youngster showing up at work a wreck from drinking the night before and seem to forget all the times in the past (maybe even the present) we showed up in similar or worse condition. We are walking talking fleshy bags of hypocrisy.

I think where most of us are hypocrites is when it comes to relationships. Be it friends, family, or significant others we all say one thing then do just the opposite so often. How often does "til death do us part" actually hold up? We say, "I love you" and weeks later we aren't speaking. We say, "We'll always be friends" and haven't communicated in months. We'll never let a relationship stand in the way of your friends then we can't talk anymore because he/she doesn't like it and we can't find time for our best friends. We love being single and hate being tied down and checking in with someone at every turn then we can't make a move asking him/her. We are hypercritical (notice the spelling) about someone cheating on someone then turn around and do the same if it benefits us. You're even hypocritical about being hypocritical. We all know (or have been) the person who "hates people who drop their friends when they get in a relationship. I'd never do that" then, of course at the first opportunity does. Sorry people, in some way we're all guilty as charged.

The bottom line is life makes hypocrites of us all. Things change. Shit happens. Life changes and evolves so what was true yesterday may not hold up until tomorrow. There's no way around it. Being hypocritical is different then lying (a blog for another day) in that at the time you state something you likely think it's true. I'm not singling out any person or persons nor pointing fingers because if I were I'd be pointing in the mirror. You were happy being single until mr./miss right came along. You meant, "til death do us part" until you're spouse did something simply inconsolable. You meant, "I love you" until you realized you didn't mean it. You never thought you'd let a relationship get in the way of your friend but you did. You honestly thought having kids wouldn't change what you did and whom you did it with (this also probably falls into the ignorance category). You meant to be friends forever but both people's lives got too busy. A new job, a death in the family, a car accident, moving, marriage, divorce, kids, etc. Every one of these things can affect what was once true that no longer is. Very few people can truly live up to their word forever and honestly, can they be expected to?

I've tried hard to not be too hypocritical myself by trying to choose my words and actions wisely but like I said, shit happens. I have let friend's drift away on the one hand and on the other I told a girl to hit the bricks when I was to decide between her and my best friend. Sorry toots, no contest there. I am happy being single and will holler it to the heavens but I met someone who almost changed my mind. Almost. I've only said "I love you" to anyone once and meant it. Still do. I've said I'd take a bullet for a true friend and meant it. So, I'm going out on a limb. Mark this date and these words. I will most likely be single forever and am happy about that. I will never lose my friends over a woman. I will always have time for my friends no matter how seriously I get involved with anyone. I will never cheat on someone I'm in a relationship with. I will always be there for my true friends and family no matter how far we seem to have drifted and no matter what they need me for. I actually think I can do this (most likely as the first statement kind of negates the most of the rest) and if I can't, gentle readers, I want you to rain down upon me with great vengeance and furious anger

I just need My Space!

Like most of you, I’m guessing, I’ve had a love/hate affair with Myspace. I’m kind of in the hate mode right now. For me I joined Myspace to keep in touch with a friend who lived a ways away (who I no longer associate with). Eventually, mostly through a shared love of the Patriots, I made some legitimate new, great friends. Most I have been lucky enough to spend time in “real life” with. However, between work and a lack of interest when I get home I simply haven’t been on much. Part of it is the petty and immature aspects of something I once loved. There is just something about Myspace that makes people not think about other people’s feelings in what post on peoples’ profiles or leave posted on their own. I know of at least 2 relationships ruined by Myspace (and one started just to show I’m not all negative) because of things left on profiles.

I will say that Myspace can be like many other aspects of the internet (instant message, chat rooms, message boards, gaming sites) in that people grow attached to one another and maybe sometimes think there is more to it then there really is. Misunderstanding, jealousy, and hurt feelings are all very common. There can be, so I’m told, nothing quite as bracing as to view someone’s profile that you think maybe there is sort of kind of something between you and you one day read “in a relationship”. Talk about a buzz kill. Anyway, after that entire preamble I present “things I don’t necessarily love about Myspace”:

1) The politics of top friends- You know that person hanging around in your top 8 that’s been there forever even tho’ you rarely speak? Or the person who you talk to all the time (talk=message etc) that you have trouble putting in your top 4/8/12 as you’d feel bad about bumping someone else. What about real life friends who are rarely on Myspace versus your best non-real life Myspace friend? It’s like the politics of wedding list cut downs and is not an easy chore

2) False “online now” indicators- you know, so and so is on-line now. So you send a message and wait and wait, keep reloading but nothing. You’re hurt, you’re despondent, you’re most likely pathetic and in many cases you’re wrong. That thing is about as accurate as a New England meteorologist.

3) Over Bulletining- You got that add as friend request, seemed on the up and up and it turns out they simply bulletin you to death. Promoting their website, forwarding every survey and joke, asking you to attend something. Hell, if I wanted spam I’d check my e-mail

4) More info then I maybe wanted to know bulletins- someone you think you know pretty well fills out one of those foolish surveys and you read it and are like, dang, I didn’t know that nor, in many cases, did I want to. This can be particularly dangerous if the person is/was close or an ex or worse, current. Some thing are simply better left unsaid. Then again, maybe they are dropping a hint…

5) Public displays of private thoughts in comments- I’m no longer a big commenter as the more and more I check out people’s comments on their pages I notice there is just too much stuff for the world to read that should probably be private. The potential damage can be amazing. Myspace is a strange sub-division of real life and sometimes people look at their Myspace peeps in ways that maybe even they don’t know. Sometimes there’s nothing so surprising when you go to someone’s page and read “had fun last night” from someone when they told YOU they stayed home or someone visits your page and reads, “I love you” from someone who wasn’t the person it was supposed to be…even if it was in a platonic, friendly way. I think you get the drift.

There are a lot more but you get the gist. Tell me, what do you hate about Myspace?

Thank you for being a friend

OK, so I've been negligent in posting here so playing catch up with my last 3 blogs which I posted to Myspace:

Defining what a friend is can be difficult as people all have different ideas of what a friend is and how to be a friend. I guess the simplest definition would be a person who means a lot to you and vice versa but is not related to you either by birth or marriage. Well, that is not always true as I have sisters and a mother who are amongst my best friend's and, realistically, unless things have gone to hell, your significant other should be amongst your best friends. As someone mostly always single and likely to be, friends are very important to me. More important at this point then any relationship I might find myself in. This could change but I also think it's just what I'm used to as I'd at this point rather spend casual, fun, good times with my friend's then the awkwardness of starting a new whatever. Rather then go on a long boring rant I will use the ever popular list format to define what a friend is to me.

A friend is someone you would do anything for as long as it didn't go against your personal beliefs or morals. (And sometimes even then). To wit, a friend would never ask you to do anything that would compromise your personal beliefs of morals.

A friend is someone you think of during the course of every day somehow. You may not realize it but this is true. Nary a day goes by I don't have a thought, memory, or mind jog that doesn't remind me of one of my friends

Friendship, to me, is earned not just claimed. I've always hated how on Myspace you add "friends". To me you add people who may or may not become friends. I'm an easy guy to like and get to know and have an uncanny sense of people's true character but still, you need do more then know me to become my friend. I have people I rarely see who are friend's, people I see all the time who aren't and in a few, rare cases, people I've never met in the flesh (so to speak) who are.

A friend is someone who, no matter how long it's been since you've spoken or seen each other, you are never uncomfortable towards or at a loss of words with.

A friend knows when to talk, when to listen, and when to say nothing at all

A friend is capable of putting you in front of them when it is called for. A person who only needs someone when they are distressed or when it benefits them is a one-way friend. This is something I cannot tolerate. Life is give and take and being a real friend means you are there for your friends when they need you, not only when you need them. I absolutely hate people incapable of adding anything to a friendship

A friend would never lie to you even if it were "for your own good". That's a breach in trust and therefore breaking the friendship

A friend is like a husband or wife in that they are there for better or worse, through sickness and health and all that other marital crap

A friend would never let a relationship ruin a friendship. Period. It may be altered but never ruined.

A friend can say "I love (small L) you" without feeling stupid

Friendship and loyalty go hand in hand (see first statement)

Friends would put themselves in harms way to protect you. I know I always say I'd take a bullet for a friend and while I hope I never have to, I honestly think I would.

You cannot hold a long grudge with someone who is or was a true friend unless they did something completely egregious or physically harmful to you or your family. The way I figure is some small indiscretion, no matter how major it seems at the time, cannot undo what made you friends to start with

A friend knows what you're thinking or what your mood is without even having to ask

I could go on and on but won't. I guess my bottom line is it isn't much work to be a friend but to be a good friend takes some effort. We've all had selfish, one way, shitty friends and have all probably been selfish, one way, shitty friends. I've been blessed with some great friends. I realized this past year people I long considered friends really weren't as looking back over time they never once went out of their way for me and only needed me for their own ends. Fine, seeya, don't let the door hit your ass on the way out. I also had acquaintances become some of my closest friends and have made several new friends. Life is just like that. A wise man once told me high school friends would always be friends by friends you make after would be friends for life. That hasn't been 100% true but has merit. I've come to realize my place in life is to be a friend and I think I do it pretty darn well. I might never be a great boyfriend, lover, husband, or father but to know I'm a good friend, faults and all, I can live with that!

Please excuse the lame...ok, I actually love it for it's lameness... Andrew Gold song in the title

An open love letter...

I'm not one to openly show my feeling or let them be known in general but things have been so weird lately I simply have to shout it to the world…

I LOVE YOU MR SWIFFER!!!!!

My life hasn't been the same since we met. It was just 3 years ago when your floor duster changed my life for the better. Since then it's been the Wet Jet with both the all purpose as well as hardwood cleaner to keep all my surfaces clean and fresh. Then came the Dusters with both standard and extended handles to get to those hard to reach spots. Then, out of the blue the floor duster with built in cordless vacuum. Simply heaven! You've done so much for cleaning challenged bachelors the world over with your simpler, disposable methods of cleaning and more importantly right here in my heart!

Now, I know you're saying Swiffer is a division of Johnson and Johnson or some crap but in my mind Mr. Swiffer is a congenial older gentleman in a lab coat with a beaker in one hand and samples of statically charged textile in the other. He is simply looking out for all of us who refuse to use buckets, dustpans, or clean standard off the shelf cleaning tool!

So thank you Mr. Swiffer and your brother Mr. Clean and your friends the Scrubbing Bubbles for making every trip to target exciting, my wallet a little lighter and for making me actually believe all your product make cleaning easier.

I love you Mr. Swiffer!

What's on my daylight savings mind

Just a few things on my mind on this gorgeous, sunny, 60-degree Halloween in the world’s greatest city:

Parallel Parking: Have you seen the commercial for the new Lexus with automatic parallel parking? Holy crap! What a great and scary concept. But, I dunno, seems kinda like cheating. When I got my license (many, many moons ago) you had to do 2 specific things to get it beyond general good driving and that was a 3-point turn and parallel parking. If you couldn’t do both, you didn’t pass. It’s actually a bragging rite with some people, being able to squeeze your car into a spot that is no bigger then a phone booth. I know as I talk to people the more rural the area you’re from the less important parallel parking becomes. Where I live, it will always be a part of life; there just aren’t enough wide streets or enough off-street parking. I had a kid I work with say they were going to get rid of parallel parking in Boston. I laugh as I’ve heard that before. I asked, are they going to widen every street in the city to allow for head parking? Maybe tear down all the houses and businesses that are currently built basically up to the curb? So maybe Lexus is on to something. I just hope it has a safety feature that realizes when the person jaywalking across the street between the parked cars and your parallel parking ass is behind you or I smell a lot of lawsuits cooking

Crossing guards: Now before anyone jumps on me I realize this is a necessary and thankless job. Most of these people volunteer their time to make sure kids can safely across busy streets on their way to school and for this I commend them. BUT, there are certain crossing guards that jump over their responsibilities and think they are traffic cops. Not content to simply cross school kids they start crossing the elderly, able-bodied adults and just about anyone needing to cross the street. Even worse, they start directing traffic. You stop, you, go, you, slow down. It’s pretty funny actually. Traffic jammed up for miles while soccer mom’s and dad’s decide how the flow of traffic should go. As you can probably tell, I have one of these screwing up my morning commute big time.

Daylight Savings Time: I don’t understand and I probably don’t want to. I don’t get why some parts of the country set their clocks back and others don’t. Why some individual States don’t do it. All I know is it is now pitch dark by the time I leave work and whilst I have no plans to do anything that requires daylight, it’s simply depressing. I remember as kids our parents told us daylight savings time was so it would be dark for when we went trick or treating so that’s what I’m sticking with.

Happy Halloween everyone!

The decline of western civilization

I always wondered if I’d recognize what’s wrong with the word if I saw it. The other day I stared it right in the face; Abercrombie & Fitch. This company once legendary as supplier of top end outdoor gear has become a showcase for what society has become; image is everything, thin is in, and beautiful people are better then non-beautiful people. OK, it’s not as bad as I let on, but cripes, did I feel out of place.

I needed to go to A & F to pick up a gift card for someone obviously younger then me. So I set off to the Burlington (MA) Mall to get it done. At first I thought it was closed for renovations as all the display windows were covered by something resembling storm shutters. However I realized the rumbling electronica music I was hearing was not from the mall sound system but coming from A & F. So, I warily step into the open doors and the music is, frankly, deafening. I’m not being some old prude when I say this as I have attended concerts and been to clubs that would make your ears bleed. But, for a retail store, it was ridiculous. So, I proceed to find a register and sales associate to get my gift card and get the fuck out of there. Well, apparently you need to be a size 1 to work there as a woman and have wavy hair and abs as a guy. The first 2 I encountered couldn’t even look up from their convo to acknowledge my fat ass. So, I wandered aimlessly until I found a counter with someone working (another size 1 apparently). I waited 5 minutes for her to fold 2 pair of pants into a bag and cash out the young couple in front of me. I tell her I need a gift card for $100. She says “what?” over the din of the afore mentioned music. So I repeat, I need a gift card for $100. And she says “oh, sure a gift card, for how much”. I roll my eyes and say, um, $100? Now I am instructed to pick out a gift card. My choices are to hot women, a guy and girl kissing, what appeared to be 2 guys about to kiss, etc. So I pick one and hand it to her and she asks “so, how much do you want the gift card for”?

There is no moral to this story. The place simply made me feel old, fat, and out of place. So, pretty much it was reality. I guess more then anything it bothered me that it so flew in the face of the “rules of retail” yet is one of the most successful clothing retailers on the planet. You simply don’t cover your display windows, don’t play music so loud you need to repeat yourself constantly, and you don’t ignore customers and remain successful. Yet, A & F not only flourishes but also has become a pop culture icon. Maybe I’m just plain getting old and out of touch, well, actually I am and I’m not sure it bothers me

On the road again

Notes and observations from my recent travels around this great land of ours:

• Cars with bumper stickers, signs, or license plates that remind us they are far more important then everyone else on the road so while driving near them take more caution then you usually do (i.e. “baby on board”, motorcycles are everywhere”. “MD (doctor’s license plate))
  
• In New England it’s hard to find any gas station on any stretch of well driven road that does NOT have a Dunkin Donuts inside including many that are side by side each other and less then a ¼ mile from a real full service Dunkins. For me, this is a good thing tho a little scary.
  
• Climbing and/or passing lanes are a scary concept. For those (like me for the most part) who rarely travel highways outside major metropolitan areas, this means usually having to pass a slower moving car by accelerating into the lane of traffic coming to opposite way and passing on the left then getting back in your lane before a car coming the other way smashes you to oblivion. I know people living further from the city this is fairly common but still scares the crap out of my ass
  
• A slow moving vehicle pulling out on a highway in front of you going 45 MPH only to then try and let you pass. Um, why didn’t you just let me go by you originally? Jackass
  
• Anyone who doesn’t have exact change for a $1.00 or $.50 toll or anyone who stops to ask the toll taker directions with 8000 cars with the exact change behind them all pissed off
  
• Cops who wait a ½ mile from when a road opens from 1 to 3 lanes just to get the people suffering behind someone going 35 mph for the past mile who finally have a chance to let loose and make up lost time (did I mention I have 3 speeding tickets in my life, all in NH and all on the same stretch of road? And yes, I’ve finally caught on)
  
• That despite having “climate control” when I turn on the heat on a day when it’s a little chilly and there’s no happy medium between too hot and too cold
  
• In the same vein, that if the sun is shining, even if its in the upper 40’s my car is still hot as hell
  
• Small, sometimes uninviting looking places along the road to eat usually not only kick ass food wise on chain restaurants but typically you get a slice of local flavor you wouldn’t get elsewhere

Schadenfreude...god bless you

Schadenfreude-The dictionary definition of this German word is satisfaction or pleasure felt at someone else's misfortune. We all know common examples of this. You rejoice in George W. Bush falling on his face politically rather then worrying about the thing he fell on his face about. You cheer more loudly for the Yankee’s being knocked out of the playoffs then you did for the Red Sox winning the World Series. You smile contentedly at Mel Gibson’s indiscretions rather then thinking back to the pleasure his movies have brought you. It is a very common occurrence. People are jealous by their very nature of those they perceive as doing better then them and feeling they don’t deserve it as much as you do. But schadenfreude occurs on a regular basis in all our lives more then we realize.

Let’s face it, we’ve all had a friend who had a job where they made a lot more then we did and certainly couldn’t have worked as hard as us. When you hear they got downsized you are there for them but you have that tiny little smirk in your subconscious. For me a lot of times it was, as I got older, at the gym, looking at some kid trying to lift a certain amount of weight and failing. This brought me more joy then the actuality of my own dwindling strength. Maybe it’s the person who’s always wanted to get married and pretending to be happy for their friend that is getting married only to feel a little better when things fall apart and your friend is once again just as lonely and miserable as you are.

So, what does this have to do with me? Well, I think I’m pretty atypical in my bouts of minor schadenfreude. Mine typically has to do with, what else, women. I suffer from the 2 most common guy forms

1) Duckyitis- this was made famous by Ducky in “Pretty in Pink”. It’s when you have a friend you have a crush of some sort on and your whole time you’ve known them you felt they were missing the best thing for them; you! You feign happiness for them when they are seeing someone even thought you KNOW it won’t last (coz they’re not good enough for him/her) and when they break up you’re supportive and hate seeing your friend sad but that small ray of hope that maybe this time he/she will see the light is like a fist pump inside your heart

2) You’ll never do better then me- This is more along the lines when someone you dated and still like and get along with starts seeing someone else or is trying to move on and nothing works and you’re happy that they are just as miserable as you tho on the outside you’re sympathetic and caring. Again, the prevailing thought is maybe, just maybe, he/she will come running back to me this time!


I guess I wanna know if this makes me a bad person? Am I the only one who thinks like this? Should I always be 100% happy for people and never be self-serving and selfish if only in my head? Maybe it’s not schadenfreude but it’s close cousins jealousy and envy.

Reading is Fun...damental!!

I been in more fights then I can remember, won some, lost some. I’ve competed in power lifting competition. I played football, drink beer out of a can, eat red meat, have a bad haircut and watch wrestling. Judge me how you want from the above description but you need to know me to know one of my greatest passions; reading. Yes, I love to read. I rarely go anywhere without a book, have been known to stay up until the wee morning hours to finish a book, and spend an afternoon in Barnes & Noble without getting bored. Yes people, you don’t have to be a certain type to enjoy reading, you just have to have a love for letting words and your imagination take you some place that is not your own mundane life.

I have a lot of friends that think I read too much, that say they hate reading, and say they don’t have time to read. BULLSHIT! Everyone can find time to read. My sister with 3 kids and a job finds time. My friend with 2 jobs finds time. The bottom line is you find time for TV, you can find time for reading. Or, if you’re like me, you do them both at the same time. The bottom line is reading is relaxing, reading improves your vocabulary, and reading can take you to place you’ve never been. The problem most people have is finding what they like. A book that drags for you right off the bat is probably going to be a struggle to finish, if you finish at all. So, because I like you guys, I’m going to give you some helpful hints.

1) Choose a genre you like and stick to it. Mystery, suspense, science fiction, fantasy, non-fiction, true crime. Whatever works for you. My sister has her doctorate and splits her time between suspense, non-fiction, and trashy romance novels. The bottom line is to read
2) Find something that moves along for you. If someone recommends Steven King and its like reading quicksand, dump it for something that moves faster for you. A truly riveting read will fly by
3) Choose an author that has a recurring character or cast. I truly love series and won’t read anything out of order if I can avoid it. Most popular suspense and mystery writers have recurring characters.
4) Set aside time everyday to read. A half hour before bed, while eating your lunch, at the gym, or taking a bath
5) If you liked a particular movie or TV show, find the original source book. You may like it even more. The Black Dahlia, still in theatres, is a much better read then watch

So, here are some recommendations from me. I read mostly suspense and mystery so that’s what these are:
The Alex Cross series by James Patterson- Set in Washington DC it follows the adventures of a DC detective and psychologist who is a master profiler. The movies Kiss the Girls and Along Came a Spider are based off these books. Patterson is a super fast read.
The Lincoln Rhyme books by Jeffrey Deaver- Set in NYC it follows the story of a forensic expert and former NYC cop who also happens to be quadriplegic. Good reading for CSI fans. The movie the Bone Collector is based on the book of the same name
The Myron Bolitar series by Harlan Coben- Set in New Jersey the books are a great combination of humor, sports, and hard-boiled mystery.
The Kenzie and Genarro series by Dennis Lehane- Best known for Mystic River this series by Lehane featured Boston private detectives based in and around Dorchester, Southie and the like. Gone Baby Gone is being filmed by Ben Affleck as we speak.

Just remember, reading is fundamental!!

Pissing the Night Away

Let’s see what’s pissing me off today:

1) People who won’t get off their cell phone to even show the slightest bit of common courtesy to people around them (the cashier, the salesperson etc). They are close brethren to the people whose calls are way more important for your time. “I need to take this call, I’ll be right back”. Yea, right, and since you’re so much more important then me, I’ll be waiting

2) The jackass whose phone goes off in the movie theatre even tho it’s not just common fuckin sense but they actually ASK you to silence your phone at the beginning of the movie

3) People who force you to have to put up signs that you should never have to put up. I.e. “please don’t spit in fountain”, “please don’t curb your dog here”.

4) Anyone wearing those stupid plastic clog things straight out of Nantucket. Ewww

5) The dippy, dumbass chick from Quebec in the convertible in front of me in the fast lane on the Jersey Turnpike going 55 MPH and swerving in and out of the lane because she’s blabbing away on her cell when I’m anxious to get to where I’m going

6) Anyone working at any kind of service job who just plain doesn’t speak English at all. If I hired someone to work at my pizza place I would make sure they at least understood the words “pizza”, “slice”, and “pepperoni”

7) That the people who work the desk at a hotel/motel etc cannot convey to housekeeping when someone is checking out that day. If checkout time is 10:00 A.M. don’t coming knocking at my door at 8:30 A.M. repeatedly saying “hoooousssekeeping” when you know damned well I’m leaving in 90 minutes at the longest. AND if they clean the rooms so early, why is it you can’t check in until 3:00 P.M.?

8) When you opt to sit outside at a restaurant on a cool but nice night and the outdoor heating makes it more oppressive then sitting inside in August with no air conditioning. In Houston. Talk about ruining the ambience

9) When I travel and (this has happened 3 times now) people on hearing my accent and realizing I’m from out of town ask if I’m town for the race. As in auto race. As in NASCAR! I’m like, listen to my accent rufus, do you think a born and bred Bostonian is traveling south for a car race? Dear lord!

10) When I’m eating out and oder drinks then have the server back 2 minutes later looking for an order. I haven’t even had a sip of my drink. Then after constant pestering, place my appetizer order then have them come back 2 minutes later looking for the food order! The idea of an appetizer is to get and finish it before the meal. Come back when I’m done simpleton. The worst is when I’m only half way through my appetizer and the freakin meal comes!! OK, I’m a business man and trust me I understand the concept of turnover, BUT when the server is simply going from your table to shitting around with his coworkers, then it’s just wrong!

OK, just hadda get that off my chest!

Skeletons in the Closet

As an avid reader of suspense novels and watcher of movies I was looking at my own life in those terms recently. In almost every suspense novel, mystery novel, etc and nearly every movie of every genre, the protagonist always has that fatal flaw of skeletons in their closet that come out to cause distress in their lives. This "luggage" is usually central to the plot in same way, sort, or fashion. I was racking my brain to come up with something, anything, but nope, I have no luggage.Oh, I have a few things I've done I've regretted (a DUI when I was 21, a couple of nights in protective custody) and some family issues mostly revolving around depression (and one major tragedy as a result) but I personally don't have any serious baggage waiting to come bite me in the ass at a most inopportune time. No ex-wife, no children out of wedlock (that I know of...bada bing haha), no restaining orders, no psycho ex-girlfriend's, no ex-girlfriend's who think I'm a psycho, no juvenile records that have been expunged, hell, I never even been fingerprinted. I have no past addictions (no alcohol comments please), I've never changed my name, have no distance relatives who were notorious criminals, me and my friend's never accidentally killed someone on summer vacation, covered it up and made a pact we'd take to the grave. None of that.My question is, is this something to be proud of or embarrassed about? I mean, should I be proud that should that special someone come along, I got nothing to hide, nothing to come creeping from out of the past to throw my world into turmoil. I'm kind of clean as the driven snow and as baggage free as it gets. On the other hand, is it a testament my life in that I've taken so few chances and lived such a safe and boring life that I've never been in situation to have this baggage? Has my life been that boring and uneventful? Have I been so guarded against commitment and closeness that my closet only has dress clothes, shoes, and extra sheets but not a skeleton in sight? AND...Does this make the opposite sex feel more or less secure about you (OK, what's wrong with this guy..Well, except the obvious lack of looks and sex appeal ha). So that poses the question of the day; should I do something controversial, insidious, or otherwise out of character to advance my fortunes or simply remain boring, no risk taking, skeleton-free Rich?Author's Note: Please keep in mind I don't consider children baggage in any way (tho they are good for carrying baggage haha) and it was simply lumped in with the rest of this ridiculous concept of a blog to accentuate the pathetic state of my life. Thank you come again

The Musical Question

Musicals are those strange worlds where at the drop of the hat people go from speaking and moving normally to singing and dancing to express their feelings. Everyone’s seen Grease, Singing in the Rain, Chicago, the Music Man, the Wizard of Oz, or more recently, High School Musical. Did you ever stop to notice the bit players tho? You know, the ones who have little to do with the main characters but join in the singing and dancing because they are obligate to do so, it’s the law of Musical Land. So, it got me to thinking, what if life WAS a musical??

I think it would be aggravating as hell. I mean, sure, if it’s you singing out and all those around you are joining in the singing and dancing that’s pretty cool. But when you have to join in and you’re simply not in the mood, it’s got to suck! Let’s say you’re running late to work. You speed all the way there, get to the parking lot and as soon as you get out…bang, a musical number breaks out. Now you spend 10 minutes dancing on the hood of your car using your briefcase as an impromptu prop in a large production number. When it ends you rush in to your waiting boss with an explanation and he’s like, “well, that’s the 3rd musical this week”. Or you wake up and have 2 large black coffees and a bran muffin and a musical breaks out. You’re doing cartwheels, splits and back flips all the time just trying to hold your mud. Or you’re having a casual swim at the Y and a musical breaks out forcing you in to a Busby Berkley-like giant 50 person synchronized swimming number. These are all real and grave possibilities if life was a musical.

I think in some ways, all those aggravations aside, maybe the world would be a better place. Gang fights become giant dance routines. Heartache is handled with a song and not tears. Most of all, just by being nearby, your singing, dancing, and acrobatic skills increase exponentially if only for a short period of time. Well, we’ll probably never know…oh crrap, the guy I work with who’s having house issues just broke out into song…better limber up!

A mind is a terrible thing to waste...

So, once again I think I'm losing my mind. I don't know what's up but I just keep forgetting and missing things. Yesterday I once again blew off a doctor's appointment as I totally forgot about it (granted it was a follow up on an issue that's been resolved but still…) and worse still I've been thinking I'm on vacation next week (as in Sept. 22-26) when in fact I'm off THIS weekend. And have no plans. And with this late planning probably won't be able to make plans. Oh my goodness!!

It's funny, and those that been to my place may or may not agree, but I'm actually quite organized. I'm not sure what's up. I have a Palm Pilot that I keep my whole life in but for the past 6 months seems I only check it after missing something. The doctor thing is only partly my fault as I've asked numerous times for them to switch the reminder calls to my cell, as I simply don't check my home phone messages. I guess because my life has kind of been on this repetitive treadmill I just don't stop to think ahead like I once did.

I hate to start thinking of the "D" word again but I really am out of synch lately. I have been squandering the time I have being lazy or simply not being home as being home alone makes my feel sorry for myself. As a result I probably been drinking too much, seeing too many movies, spending too much time at Barnes and Noble and way too much time eating bad food. I just hate being home alone too long. I leave my house at 8:15 a.m. every day and don't get home until after 8:00 pm and eat etc its 9:30. It kinda sucks but again it keeps me occupied.

On top of all that I feel like I have been chained to work. It's hard as we been busy but as I woke Saturdays and we have so many employees for a small business trying to get time off is a hassle, as you have to plan months in advance. I'm going to Cincinnati for the Pat's game in 2 weeks and I'm literally flying in Sunday morning for a 4:00 game and leaving Monday. I get frustrated as after 18 years I guess I feel I'm owed more in the priority department on days off but that's the reality of retail

So, now I need to decide do I work or do I take the time off and do nothing really? I can do some work around my place I'm sure. I could also bank the days in case something comes up in November or something or get paid for them in January. I'm hoping when my boss gets back from his vacation tomorrow I can switch to next weekend. Not that I have plans, but now knowing I have it off I can at least scramble to make some.
Dammit!!!

Fool me once...

Nobody likes being played for a fool or an idiot. It’s one of the worst feelings in the world to know you’re being fooled, lied to, played, or any other way you want to put it and knowing you are. You have a person dead to rights and yet they still proceed to go along with their deception. It’s just humiliating and if you’re like me, I’m sure you just sit back and take it until the point you can’t take it anymore. My dad used to always say, “you may as well tell me the truth because you can’t lie to me. There’s no story you can make up I haven’t heard or haven’t done myself”. I feel that way now. I certainly don’t know everything but I’m fairly streetwise and a good judge of character. Be straight up with me and let us both live with the consequences rather then lying and making us both look like fools.

To Have Loved and Lost.....?

I implore you right now not to read this blog. It’s self-indulgent, self-loathing, and really, written just for me. It’s a far cry from my usual crap but it’s something I simply need to write down.

My name is Rich I’m 40 years old and live in Cambridge, MA. I’m from a strong, solid Irish Catholic family and have a solid if boring job. By all accounts I’m a fairly stable, normal guy. The kind of guy you’d strike up a conversation in a bar with. Oh, did I mention, I lived almost 39 years and had never been in love? For real, not even close. It’s kind of like Andy from the 40 Year Old Virgin (well, except the virgin part). Oh, I’ve had a few crushes and even a couple of semi-long relationships, but none of it was ever love. It’s not like I didn’t want to fall in love just after it didn’t happen I kind of stopped trying. Because of events in my life the past decade I actually thought better of letting anyone get too close. I figure why go through the hurt and anguish at this point? Never being in love means never having your heart broken. Well, a funny thing happened on the way to 40…

We met quite by chance online and started talking every night. Not some singles service or online dating, just met and hit it off. We talked every night although rarely about anything more then friend stuff. Somewhere along the line I fell in love with her. I felt foolish, in love with someone I never actually met. But I was smitten. I started to realize that maybe the feelings were mutual so we started vague conversations about getting together. Now, what I haven’t told you to this point is the fact she was 16 years my junior and lived 6 states away. Still, dauntless on our efforts, we managed to pick a date and I went to meet her.

I won’t say it was love at first sight (since I was already there haha) but the chemistry was very apparent. We followed up with 2 quick trips up here. I was honestly having the time of my life. I felt alive, felt goofy, was saying and doing goofy things and I really liked it. As she was leaving she told me she really liked what we had but was not ready for a committed relationship of any sort long distance or otherwise. I agreed and in my head I thought that was perfect. My friend’s all joked I was living a rock star life. A young, pretty girl I saw once a month with no commitment. What could be better? They couldn’t of been more wrong. When she got home from that trip, she said something to me I’d never heard before…”I think I love you”. To even more of my surprise, I heard a strangely familiar voice, my own, saying “I love you too”. My 39-year loveless streak was at an end.


I’d like to pause here to talk about love. Love is used in so many ways it can be confusing. You can love your mom, love your dog, and love the chicken picatta at your favorite Italian restaurant. If you believe popular culture, love hurts, love stinks, love is a battlefield, love is a many splendor thing, and love means never having to say your sorry and all you need is love. So what is love? I’m probably the wrong man to ask having only experienced it once and previous to that, everything I knew about it was what I saw in movies and read in books. So, to me, love is that feeling you get for someone when every second you’re apart is agony, the feeling your heart is going to pound out of you chest whenever you see the one you love, you can’t be in the same room with them and keep you eyes off of them, you can’t be near them without longing to make contact with them, a minute apart is eternity and 50 years together is too short. That’s how I see love and that’s the state of in love I was in!


Now that’s out of the way…I’m not going to get into too many details but from probably September until November to call it an emotional roller coaster would be an understatement. I’ll take the brunt of it as I thought the idea of an open relationship would be fine. Well, it wasn’t, not even close. For the first time in my life I was madly jealous. It wasn’t just jealousy, it was disappointment. For the first time ever, I wanted to do the things I had only thought of doing; sending random gifts, writing love letters, I even took a stab at bad poems. None of it got a reaction even close to what I expected or wanted. Again, that’s my fault. Not everyone acts or reacts to things the same…but god it was frustrating. It started to pre-occupy my thoughts. Seeing her was one thing. I can only think of one time when we were together that things were ever strange. It was the long times apart that I really got jealous, maybe even paranoid. I was in a bad state of mind to the point my friend’s and family was starting to worry. I was in a quandary as I kept doing and saying the things she said she really liked and wished more guys would do but after doing or saying them, I felt…let down.

Things really hit the fan in November. I will not get into specifics, but I was hurt more then I ever knew I could be, at least short of death of someone close. I was devastated, angry, heart broken and other words I can’t begin to describe. I was hurt so bad I was in tears. By the terms of our relationship what happened should have been ok, but it just WASN’T! I really should have just ended it right there. I really wanted to. I guess I was so in love at that point she could have done anything and I would have forgiven her. I think she felt bad, she said she did, so we moved on. I guess I never really fully healed from that. We were actually quite blissful right through Christmas and spent an awesome New Year together. We were in a total state of euphoria for about a week after, and then the walls came tumbling down.

Something just clicked in her head. We were talking about seeing each other sooner then later when BOOM. She said it was too much. We were moving too fast (she was probably right), she was too young to start getting serious (again probably right) and a bunch of other things. I felt like someone had pulled the rug out from under me. In a week we went from seeing each other more to once a month was too much. This was really the beginning of the end. February was brutal, particularly Valentines Day (I should have stuck with my hatred of that fake Holiday). We saw each other 2 more times and again, something changed with her although not necessarily something I said or did but I was lumped in. I really lost it and made a regrettable phone call. I was drunk and wounded and it was stupid. We took a small break, and then made up but it was pretty much a done deal by then. She went away for 2 weeks but promised we get together when she was back.

At this point it finally sunk in it was over. I didn’t want it to be. I was starting to feel like that person everyone knows grasping desperately to something that wasn’t there, just didn’t exist any more. I said I’d wait until she got back. You know, absence make the heart blah, blah, blah. Well needless to say, I was disappointed as usual. I really get my hopes worked up sometimes. It was just…nothing there when she got back. Out of the blue one night she says lets get together next weekend. I say sure. Now, for whatever reason people underestimate me. I knew her idea was to get together to see if we could just be friends, no kissing, etc. and as she was going to be visiting her friend the next week she wanted our status cemented before then. I pretty much suspected this but I’m a believer in chemistry, so who knows. The drive there was emotional because of this situation as well as impending disaster occurring back home which I didn’t know about until 3/4 the way there. I was a wreck by the time I got there. I was greeted with a hug…and that’s all. I felt my heart being ripped out of my chest. To quote the great Harry Chapin “now another man mighta been angry, now another man mighta been hurt” but I swallowed by pride and sorrow because at that point I needed a friend. It was an oddly fun yet uncomfortable time. Some of it was so natural and seemed normal and was obvious there was still chemistry, but some of it was just awkward. I let my frustration show a few times. We talked before I left. She admitted about planning on not kissing me etc. and I was a little pissed. I mean, I'm adult, we're trying to re-establish something, I should have been given a choice. I told her if friends are what she wants to be, that’s what we’ll be. Once again it was my voice, but I have no idea who actually said this. We left it with a long hug and a platonic kiss on the cheek. I also realized I was still madly in love with her and likely always would be The ride home was rough with me reflecting on what I woulda, coulda, shoulda done. The bottom line is I followed my heart for once in my life and it simply wasn’t enough. I still loved her, proabably will for a longgggg time.

We’ve spoken since about us a little. I really do consider her a great friend but sometimes going through what we (or I) went through, sometimes being friends again isn’t an option. She thinks we can see each other again just as friends. I don’t think I can. I can’t be with her without staring at her, wanting to touch her, wanted to kiss her. She doesn’t believe me but when I look at her, I see the most beautiful woman I have ever known. I just don’t know that I can go back. I still love her, so I guess I have to let her go.

So, in the long run, was it worth it? Hell yeah it was. I had some great times. To me the highs of my time with her far outweighed the lows while I think for her it was the opposite. I learned some valuable lessons about myself, what I’m capable of, and relationships in general:

• I learned you don’t have to run away from love and that whilst heart wrenching, it’s a pretty wonderful thing
  
• That I’m capable of being the giving, caring, romantic guy I’ve always seen myself as but never let anyone see it
  
• To what lengths I’d go to not lose something precious to me. From lowering my moral stand, taking hurt I’d never take from anyone else, to dragging a common friend into the fray when I had no right doing so as her loyalties could only be in one place.
  
• That while age and distance can certainly make a relationship harder, it’s really being 2 people of the same mind that determines whether something works or not
  
• That there is a give and take to every situation and nothing is ever black and white but shade of gray.
  

I guess when Shakespeare penned “better to have loved and lost then never have loved at all” he knew of what he spoke. While I hate losing what I had even for a short time I’ll treasure that time forever. I feel confident now that someone else will come along, maybe I’ll even fall in love again, but that would still mean settling for second best. I’ve always said people who settle are simply fooling themselves. I guess I’ll be fooling myself.

The 5% Solution

So, this weekend (August 12-13) is the annual Tax Free Holiday in MA. It’s something done in many States throughout the union that regularly charge sales tax on most non-essential (food, clothing) retail items. For one weekend a year, you can buy any item up to $2,500 (with some exclusions http://www.dor.state.ma.us/rul_reg/tir/TIR_06_13.htm) tax-free. In the great State of Massachusetts that means a savings of an additional 5%! Wow. This is the 4th year I believe and it’s been an unbelievable success for retailers throughout the State. People plan purchases around this weekend for weeks in advance, I mean, it is an additional 5% off. Who wouldn’t want to save 5%?

OK, you’ve probably figured this is going somewhere as obviously the level of cynicism above was far below my normal level. I’m mystified by the popularity of this event. I mean, I’m in retail, and have been my whole adult life. People are so fascinated with numbers and huge savings it’s not even funny. If you run a sale, it has to be “x%” off everything or people think they’re getting ripped off. People fall for those jack up your price and then give 20% off gimmicks all the time. People are just plain fascinated with “huge savings”. To a person, if we have a sale, they ALL ask what percent off it is. Not dollars saved but percent off. Even if you’re regular price is the lowest in the world, if it’s not 20% lower when on sale, you’re a rip-off. That said, people go crazy making big purchases to save the 5% sales tax. If we had a sale and said 5% off everything in the store, people would laugh their asses off at us. In fact, if we had double the sales tax off, 10% off all purchases, people would still laugh. Yet, come this Saturday, they will be in lining up to make major purchases. What a Country!

So, why the phenomenon? Why go out of your way to save 5%? Most places aren’t offering any savings on top of that? So why does 5% savings get people off their asses? Simple. Because it’s 5% they are taking from the State, not the store. It’s a chance to “stick it to the man”. People love that. If give liberals, conservatives, Democrats, Republicans, old, young, rich, poor and everyone in between a chance to say “bite me State of Massachusetts, you ain’t getting my 5%”!! It’s kinda like the 60’s and 70’s protests against except conformity…except in a really lame way. The whole thing is a giant ploy by the State to keep dollars in MA and out of tax-fee NH. They are convincing you that while you pay sales tax 363 days a year and your neighboring State doesn’t, for one weekend a year, you’re on equal ground.

So, lets get out there and buy people, get those refrigerators, air conditioners, and ice skates (please). Help pay my salary while giving the finger to the State. Making it Massachusetts means Keeping it in Massachusetts!! Man, PT Barnum was right. There is a sucker born…