Wish I Didn't Know Now What I Didn't Know Then

Well, nobody ever drove me to school when it was ninety degrees below, 
We had to walk butt naked through forty miles of snow. 
Worked in the coal mine twenty two hours a day for just half a cent,
and to sell my internal organs just to pay the rent!"
— "When I Was Your Age", "Weird Al" Yankovic

A while back I wrote about the odd, meaningless things I remember from my childhood (here it is if interested http://richosravings.blogspot.com/2010/01/memory-motel.html). Recently I started realizing there are a lot of things happening now that I DON'T remember from earlier times in my life. I'm giving ample warning that while this is not intended to be a "middle aged, single guy without kids being judgmental" kind of list it will probably read like that. It's meant to be tongue-in-cheek but if you take offense to it, well, bite me! Onward!

- I don't remember my mom needing hours of prep and endless supplies to leave the house with us in tow. While she probably didn't take us out as much as parents do now there just wasn't the hullabaloo, she just loaded us in the car

- I don't remember my mom needing to ply us with snacks wherever we went to keep us in line. A simple look or request to settle down was all it took

- I don't remember my mom having carriages or strollers the size of Escalades to get us around (and there were 6 of us with a total of 8 years in age between us). Or leashes. Again, in all fairness the poor lady didn't leave the house that much when we were babies and my poor sister Eileen became our surrogate other mom when she was "older" (like 5 or 6)

- I don't remember the need for everyone to have ginormous vehicles. We had one station wagon to get  the 8 of us where we needed to get to including work, sports and activities.

- I don't remember most of my friends going on lavish vacations which their families couldn't afford. Most of my friends who did go away it was typically because their family had some kind of beach cottage that had been in their family for decades and where you typically had to share space with your entire extended family

- I don't remember there being so many schools. Seriously, every day I hear about kids going to another school I never heard of! I was a public school kid and was familiar with and had friends who went to Catholic school (or parochial school as my parents called them) and knew of a few private schools but never heard of the majority of them. Or of foreign language schools. Or of charter schools. Or of Montessori schools. And sweet jumping Jehoshaphat the cost!!! $10,00, $20,000, $30,000???? Dear lord

- I don't remember the majority of my friends going to colleges they or their family couldn't afford and being in tens of thousands of dollars in debt into their 30's. Some, sure, but not the majority

- I don't remember needing to have so much crap with me at all times. I'd leave for school with a bag with my sports stuff, lunch and books/homework. When we went out if you couldn't carry it in your pockets you didn't need it.

- I don't remember the need to always have water and food with me when I left home. I also don't remember anyone dying of thirst or hunger on the mean streets of Arlington

- I also don't remember the need for bottled water. Tap water was just fine then and for me still is today

- I don't remember the obsession over sterilization. Hand sanitizer is ubiquitous now as is the practice of wearing gloves for almost everything

- I don't remember the overwhelming need to "keep up with the Joneses". Oh it surely existed but not to the level I see it now. My parents and most of my friends parents were realistic about where they fell in the economic food chain and rarely strayed from that spot

- I don't remember going out with friends and being way more concerned about people who weren't there then people who were. I was happy to give 100% of my attention to the people I was with and still try and do that now

- I don't remember everything being a celebration or reward worthy. Big events, big accomplishments, milestones, sure, all celebration worthy. Pre-school graduation, half-birthdays and the like, not so sure.

- I don't remember getting a ride everywhere. First it was unfeasible as we had 1 car and 8 people in the house. Second the idea of having my mom drive me everywhere was just foreign. A sign of (supposed) maturity and independence was the ability to get yourself from here to there on your own. When I was a young teen nobody wanted to be the person who's mom/dad dropped them off for a night of "who knows what" and you'd cross your fingers they'd have the decency to drop you off around the corner (tho I do remember my awesome mom driving us to Worcester for a concert when my friend's car wouldn't start which was pretty cool). And no, it wasn't a different world back then. It was just as dangerous/safe and just as many crazy people. We just didn't hear about them as much

Whether these things I don't remember are for the better or the worse is up to you to decide. Other things I do remember that are no longer as prevalent are even more significant but that's a blog for another day. And while I am taking a poke at modern life I am not silly enough to think things don't change be it for better or worse. And yes I know in many ways I'm a dinosaur (and out of touch and Peter Pan etc etc etc) but I still have an opinion and a keen sense of observation. And I'm sure my 15 year old nephew will some day be saying "I don't remember never leaving the house because everything we need is right here. I remember going out and doing things. That's the way it was and we liked it"

Social Distortion

"It's important for people to talk and get beyond the wall of Facebook and social media"

Billy Corgan

It's a brave new world kids. For better or worse life has changed irrevocably since the simpler days of my childhood, my 20's and even much of my 30's. It can be summed up in 2 simple words- Social Media! Two simple words strung together that bring with them mixed feelings and many ironies. Like the fact that "social" media invites anti-social behavior towards real life, face-to-face situations. Or that social media has made the world oh so much smaller yet infinitely less, well, social. And believe me the irony that I'm writing a blog, a kind of social media in itself, and posting links to social media is not lost on me. It's a "good with the bad" type of thing. Like most things we enjoy, a modicum of moderation is usually the healthiest option. Having said all that I've found that socializing about social media can lead to socially awkward situations

1) Trying to decipher the word "friend" used in conversation! Someone mentions something a friend said. So is this a high school friend? Work friend? Or a Facebook friend?? I've written more then one rant about use of the term "friend" in social media settings and my distaste for it. For me there has to be more of a connection then wall postings to qualify as a friend. I'm proud to say that 95% of my Facebook friends I've  met face to face or at least spoken to on the phone so they actually do qualify as friends. Oh, and the term "follower" is just way too arrogant

2) Talking about what you posted/Tweeted etc- I'm not a Twitter guy but I hear a lot of the younger kids I work with talking to each other about what they Tweeted/Re-Tweeted etc. Something  about this is bizarro world to me plain and simple. Not, say, talking about the Bruins game last night directly but talking about what either they or someone else Tweeted about the game! Again, bizarro world

3) Social Media and lazy journalism- This is more a general observation then a social thing but something about national, "legit" media quoting famous folks Tweets and posts seems pretty rinky dink to me. If I wanted to know what these folks were saying on social media I'd follow them and find out for myself

4) That awkward moment when meet up with someone you have "conversations" with on social media and realize that's all you have to talk about- If you're on Facebook or Twitter you've likely experienced this. You have an acquaintance that reads and comments on all your posts. You share the same sense of humor and views on life. Then you see them in a real world setting and its just...weird. The sense of familiarity goes out the window and awkwardness ensues...

5) The perceived importance of sharing what social media folks are saying about where you are/what you're doing with the folks that are actually there with you- This goes back to my old irritation of a group of people out together all on their cell phones talking to people who aren't there. Now days it's more a group (or parts of a group) "checking in" or updating their status or posing pics and then telling everyone else what everyone else was posting about them being there. It's...Just...Mind Boggling!!

I enjoy social media for what it is. I've been part of it longer then most starting with AIM/Yahoo chats and then Myspace long before most (and I actually met cool, new people in both situations). I was on Twitter long before most people knew about it but had as little use for it then as I do now. I really like Instagram and Facebook is my comfort zone. Facebook allows me to keep up with real life friends I just don't get to see that much anymore and for that alone I'm grateful for social media. I'm also grateful its given me a voice to express myself beyond the folks I see every day (for better or worse). Heck I'm even grateful it's created a whole new genre of jobs which didn't exist pre-social media (and for those folks, including one of my best friends in the world, I let a lot of the above issues slide as they are just doing their job (well, as long as it's job related)). But like with all things there is a limitation to how much is too much.

I can see society slowly sliding into a nightmarish sci-fi vision where we no longer need face-to-face relationships anymore and will rely solely on electronic communication. I'm hoping this is long after I'm pushing up daisies! As much as I love social media it should be used more to set up actual real life meet up with real life laughs and real life hugs and not just LOL's and XOXO's. It's time to get our noses out of our phones, look our friends  in the eyes and enjoy the company of the ones with us, not the ones riding the information highway of life