I feel I just haven’t been raging against stupid people enough recenty so figured it was time to catch up. I’m announcing the first recipients or the Rich O Golden Wedgie Awards. For the uninitiated, a wedgie is a form of torture and humiliation usually dispensed on teenage boys by bullies or as part of a “welcoming” ritual. The procedure is usually grasping one by the back of their underpants and pulling with great force and velocity pulling said underwear into ones “anal cleft” causing great pain, discomfort and yes, humiliation. Naturally it works best if the person is wearing briefs or “tighty whiteys” as boxers simply don’t give the same effect. For the purpose of these awards, neither men nor women shall be spared from my wrath. Many of you insane enough to have been reading my crap for the last couple of years will recognize some of these repeat offenders. That said, on to the Wedgies:
- The guy who pulls out in front of you from a side street in such a great hurry then proceeds to drive at 15 mph
- The guy who shaves or wants to have a convo NAKED at the gym (OK, he’ll need to put on underwear before the wedgie)
- The person with the obnoxious ring tone on their cell with the volume all the way up
- The person talking on their cell phone at the gym
- Just about anyone using the “walkie talkie feature on his or her phone. Or anyone who “chirps”
- Anyone who walks around 24/7 with their bluetooth headset on (are you seeing a trend here)
- The person at work who makes 50 redundant and ridiculous cell phone calls a day to their significant other that usually consists of “so, whatcha doin”
- People wearing headphones trying to have a conversation then keep saying “what” or “huh”?
- Same people who take them off to ask a question, get an answer, put the headphones back on, take them off, etc
- The rhetorical question kings (hot enough for ya)
- The guy who tell the same joke EVERYTIME you see him
- Cyclists who think they are cars and can ride down the middle of the street. That is of course until the get to a red light which they feel they have the right to run
- The girl with the tongue ring who thinks anyone want to see it between her front teeth all day long
- The kettle/pot/black guy. You know, he’s fat but points out how fat people are or he’s bald and points out how bald people are
- The person in line in front of me using their debit card for a $3.00 purchase
- The person who is outraged that a dive doesn’t accept credit cards
- The person who walks around with NO money on them and always wants you to front them until they get to an ATM
- Anyone who brings their dog into a store with them
- The person who gets decked out head to toe in their favorite teams gear and then proceed to pay no attention to the game
- All stupid people
- People who basically piss me off
I could go on and on but I guess I should get some work done. Trust me, there will be a part 2.
