Thursday, January 17, 2008

Got my eye on you

So, it's been a while since my angry man routine. Just haven't felt like bothering. But a lot of stuff been bugging me lately so here I go. Am I talking about you? Maybe. You tell me...

Dudes in droopy drawers
-Ok, enough is enough. Pull up your damned pants. No one wants to be seeing your nasty ass boxers. Clothing trends tend to come and go but this one won’t go away. If 1% of the white boy wannabes from the suburbs had even one clue as to where and why the look evolved they’d be pulling their pants up to their eyeballs. Call me a 40 something white guy with no fashion sense but having to suffer through seeing guys walking around getting chaffed for the sake of fashion and worse, me having to endure seeing their boxers, but I know ridiculous when I see it. If you’re older then 18 (and I’m being generous), pull up your damned pants…and straighten out your hats while you’re at it!!

Noisy personal habits- I’ll be even more direct here, if you’re older then 8 and can’t drink out of a water or soda bottle without suckling on it like mothers teat or chew gum without sounding like a cow chewing the worlds densest cud you should be bent and driven with a spiked bat. That’s all I got to say there

Perfunctory remarks- Look, if you’re going to give me a bullshit line (nice day outside, cold enough for you, thank god it’s not snow, etc) save your breath as I don’t give a fuck. If you have something of value to say, I’m all ears and willing to have a conversation. It’s just so insulting like as if saying “I’m really not interest in talking to you but polite society says I must…asshole”. My favorite? Patriots Playoff game, haven’t missed a game all season and am asked “you gonna watch the game tonight”? Naw, I figured what’s the point I’ll just rent Good Luck Chuck instead

Time Bandits-Time, the never-ending puzzle and ultimate crutch. Bad things tend to happen when you have too much of it on you hands and nothing gets done when you don’t have enough of it. Me, I’m not buying it and I’m also guilty of it. I just don’t blame time for everything. Take 5 seconds and see how far you can walk. Then a minute, then 5 minutes. You’d be surprised. The fact of the matter is most people (I’ll give you parents with young kids a pass) have more free time then they know what to do with. Realistically the thing we don’t have time for are the things we really don’t wanna do. Period. We always seem to find the time to squeeze in what we consider important. So, while time is both precious and aplenty think hard before telling me you didn’t have time to do something (and I will as well)

Sick of being sick- I openly admit I’ve been sick more the last 2 years then ever before. However in my family a cold is not considered sick. I also typically live by the creed of suffer in silence. Now, if someone asks how I’m feeling I’ll respond shitty if that is indeed the case and that ends it. What I’m tired of people whining and complaining and carrying on about their symptoms. The emphasized nasally voice, asking everyone what to take, constantly reminding everyone about how long they’ve been sick. I guess this is limited mostly to work and family as most of my friends don’t carry on like that (and really just my dad and one sister do). I think part is for sympathy, part for attention, and part as a lead in to banging in sick (which I am, by the way, starting my 8th straight year without doing…just saying)

Man, this time of the year I could go on and on but I’ll stop here…for now. But watch your ass, I’ll be picking on you soon ;)

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