“There are 8 million stories in the Naked City, this is one of them”. This was the famous opening of the TV show The Naked City. The premise was everyone, everywhere has a story, interesting or otherwise. You ever see someone walking down the street in a torn, neon green jacket and thought to yourself “OK, what’s HIS story”? Odd’s are you’ll never know but it’s fun to wonder. The same holds true of inanimate objects. You see a car covered in bits of ribbon and the like and you’re thinking some kind of celebration. You see a single shoe lying against a curb and you think…what happened to the other one. This thought brings me to the soiled men’s underpants in the bank parking lot.
As I was walking from my car the other day, passing through the parking lot of a bank in a very good neighborhood I see something that looks like men’s briefs on the ground. As I got closer, I noticed not only were they men’s briefs but they were soiled…badly. So, as I beat a hasty retreat trying to hold my breakfast down I started thinking how the hell did some shitty underpants end up in a bank parking lot on one of the busiest sections of Mass. Ave?? Did someone have to do #2 so bad and couldn’t find a public toilet so he shat himself then walked to the uber busy parking lot and shed the soiled undergarment then re-pants himself? Maybe some junior vice president in charge of high risk loans read the Wall Street Journal that morning and quite literally shit himself. Or maybe, just maybe, there is something much deeper and more insidious going on here. Maybe we’re dealing with a group of homegrown anarchists who are looking to bring the banking industry to it’s knees by leaving dookie filled tighty whiteys at every bank branch in America thereby not only driving people away in horror but also causing them to lose faith not only in the banking industry but in, dare I say, America itself. The end result being the collapse of the banking industry and society as we know it…or maybe someone just shit themselves and left there underpants in the bank parking lot