Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Stupid Is As Stupid Does

Ah, mankind! The highest form of intelligence on planet Earth. The Alpha species if you will. Yup, top of the food chain we are. Well I've got news for ya. We ain't all that smart. Oh sure we've come up with some amazing things. The internal combustion engine, splitting the atom, and even space travel. But just take a look at your television and tell me the minds that came up with those life changing ideas are from the same gene pool as those featured on America's Funniest Home Videos, Ridiculousness, or any reality show. Hard to fathom, no? Not only are we stupid but we're treated stupidly apparently for our own good. This is notable  in the signs, labels and warnings we see every day. So some of you are saying "But Rich, you've mentioned this before". Yes, yes I have! This however is more of my master list of stupid, pointless signs, labels and warning I literally see almost every day. So...

1) The drinking fountain a the gym has a sign that reads "No spitting in drinking fountain" then amended to say "no spitting gum in drinking fountain". Either action is so obviously something a child shouldn't do let alone a gym full of "adults" that a sign should not be necessary. Last night at the gym there was a giant wad of green gum in the drinking fountain

2) Same gym at least 10 signs which state "No Cell Phone Use" while the machines, cardio equipment and locker rooms are chock full of people...you guessed it, on their phones

3) On the lawn of a church near my house the sign reads "Please Don't Curb Your Dog On Our Lawn". I'd think for most normal folk that would be obvious

4) Conversely the park I sometimes walk around has dozens and dozens of signs imploring dog owners to pick up their dogs feces. Since half the dogs are nowhere near their owners, and large piles of shit remain on the path, I'm sure it was someone else s dog's shit

5) The always busy on-ramp on my way to work with the sign that says "No Turns". Honestly, anyone stupid enough to try and take a 180 degree turn to drive the wrong way on that ramp deserves what they get. (on a side not that ramp also features a sign that reads "Yield" that as far as I can recall no one has ever heeded)

6) The plastic bags that nearly everything comes packed in has to read "This Is Not A Toy" for fear of a child suffocating. Fine except the fact the most likely victims of this would be children too young to read the warning. Any parent who encourages it as a toy should be suffocated

Our coffee cups tell us the liquid is hot, water bottles list water as an ingredient, drain cleaner warns us not to drink it,  we have signs on the highway telling us it's illegal to text and drive and we can't enter an establishment that serves food without being reminded that consuming undercooked meat is bad (and overcooked meat a crime) and to inform our server if we have any food allergies. It's a wonder we ever made it this far without this explicit set of instructions since man walked upright

My old boss prescribed to the theory you have to spell everything out to people explicitly or they are bound to not understand (or try and twist ambiguous language to their advantage). I feel the opposite. I still think people should be able to think things out for themselves but prefer not to think at all. Think about it...

Mama says, "Stupid is as stupid does." Forrest Gump

No comments: